REVIEW: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Unfinished Business)

Why couldn’t the rest of the prequels be this damn good?

The Clone Wars has just finished its first major arc of the show so far with “Unfinished Business”, and I absolutely loved it. This is the strength of this show right here. It might not have the most jaw-dropping start, but by the time it wraps up, a good chunk of the time you will be beyond satisfied. That’s exactly what this arc has done. Provided a solid beginning, middle, and end to a story I wasn’t sure I’d like all that much, and yet here we are.

So fair warning, I’ll be hitting major spoiler territory here, so if you haven’t seen the episode, then go watch the episode! It’s really good, why are you still here, just go watch the-

Anyway, so we pick up pretty much immediately where we left off. Last week, with Echo now back behind Republic lines, and eager to help the Republic take Anaxes. But with his recent experience with the Confederacy, and the fact that he still has confederate technology in him… there are questions on where his true loyalties lie. Echo however persists that he can assist them, and can turn the algorithms that he used with the Confederacy against the Droid Army and give Anaxes to the Republic. So it’s pretty obvious that we’re going to be formally smacking down a few of my theories, particularly theories regarding that Echo might be a sleeper agent for the Confederacy, or that he’d betray them. None of those things happen. But I concede that I was never good at predicting what would happen in any show most of the time.

Give me the smackdown, Ross!

It’s not the Smackdown Hammer, but close enough.

We do however get some more conflict between Echo and the Clones, which can play into the first episode of this little Story Arc, when we were first introduced to the Bad Batch, and saw the issues of trust being tested between everyone. In some ways, this can be pretty decent in execution, but in other ways, it really kinda feels forced. It’s like the episode is trying to spell it out that the clones don’t all trust Echo, because he’s a Confederate Cyborg now. I guess I should just be thankful that none of the conflict feels pointless. And thankfully, for as center an issue as this is in the episode, it doesn’t take up a whole lot of screen time.

What does take up a whole lot of screen time is well worth watching!

Mace Windu kicks ass.

This feels like the first action-oriented episode of this final season of The Clone Wars, and it absolutely positively delivers in every meaning of the word. Not only is the action in this episode 100% fun, it feels like everything that happens here matters, and it feels like an amazing send off to a group of characters I personally have grown to really like. I’m actually kinda sad to see the Bad Batch leave. Not only do they kick ass and take names in this episode, not only do they make me laugh, not only do they even get genuinely heartwarming towards the end, I almost feel like I know them as well as I know clones like Rex or Fives. This episode is a well deserved last big hurrah to the Bad Batch.

Echo’s arc even left me guessing. As I said, not only was I wrong on my predictions regarding him, but I’m actually surprised that bringing him back actually felt impactful. I’m usually a guy who tends to criticize a show that kills off a character, only to bring them back. It makes death lose impact. It’s one of the big reasons I really appreciate Star Trek: Picard right now. Echo had a really good send-off in Season 3, and had I seen the unfinished Rees dealing with Echo here before watching these episodes… I likely would have rolled my eyes and said to myself, “Maybe it’s best this show got cancelled when it did.” But not only did they make me care about Echo again here, they really brought the character to life in a new manner. The conflicts that were introduced felt real, his struggles felt good, and by the time the episode ends, I was left pleasantly surprised in my expectations. I 100% expected Echo to die in this episode, and he didn’t. Him getting an invite to join the Bad Batch might be a borderline happy-sad moment of the series. I really applaud them for making this arc matter in its handling of Echo.

Get writing, shippers!

But…. let’s talk about what everyone wants to talk about. It was only a matter of time before we saw it, and this episode finally delivers on some fucking awesome, intimidating, badass Anakin Dark Side Slippery Slope material once again.

You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Anakin’s role in this episode is absolutely jaw-dropping. When he confronts Admiral Trench in this episode, I could immediately see where this was going. And holy shit is it ever so satisfying. It’s this kind of thing that makes me say that I’m very happy this show doesn’t go the Prequel route of just having lightsabers dismember every single limb out there. It feels dumb after a while. So when we see Anakin confront Trench in this episode, with a mindset of “I’m a Jedi, but I’m still gonna intimidate the shit out of you”, him severing those IMC’s (even if they are mechanical) feels impactful. This show doesn’t do this very often, but each and every time it has done it, it feels impactful. Tell me Obi-wan cutting off the arm of Savage Opress in Season 5 is not as impactful as Dooku getting his hands cut off by Anakin in Episode 3. Is it perfectly executed here? No, but it still feels impactful.

Anakin absolutely steals the damn show in this scene, and as predictable as it might be (I mean… you don’t see Admiral Trench, as awesome as he is in episode three, so…), seeing Anakin’s interrogation of him, before eventually straight up killing him? And giving zero fucks while doing it? You can tell that Anakin just took a giant leap towards his eventual fall to the Dark Side of the Force. Dammit, why is this show so damn good at showing this???

Anakin lets Wrecker send the episode off with a literal bang.

There’s honestly very little this episode does wrong in terms of wrapping everything up. Not only am I very excited now for what’s to come in the rest of this series, but if there was ever any doubt in any viewer that this show wouldn’t have that same magic it once did back in the day, that doubt should be as dead as Admiral Trench. This Arc feels like it’s just an amazing taste of things to come, especially since we know that some very heavy material is coming involving Darth Maul and Ahsoka Tano. I’m about as excited to see where this series goes as I am to see this debut season of Picard wrap up. The sky is the limit for this show’s final season.

If you want a score for this first arc of the show, I’ll go ahead and give it a nice solid eight out of ten score, but will reserve official verdicts until this show ends. But I really don’t want it to end.

I’m gonna miss you glorious bastards…

STAR WARS SPECIAL: The False Reverence Of Darth Vader (Or Stupid Crap That George Lucas Made My Generation Believe)

To celebrate Intergalactic Star Wars Day and the 35th Anniversary of the release of the greatest Science Fiction film of all time, I thought I’d take a moment to discuss the biggest flaw of the entire Star Wars franchise that we’ve all bought like idiots for pushing nearly four decades, now; the redemption of Darth Vader after he kills Emperor Palpatine at the end of Return of the Jedi.  Because, after all, that is what the film saga is all about; the rise and fall and ultimate final redemption of Vader.  Seriously, I’ve not only not understood this premise since I’ve been a rational thinking adult, but I really find it a bit disturbing that the general public and the universe of Star Wars geekdom has accepted it for as long they have without batting an eye.

THIS GUY figured it out… and should be revered in death.

First let me start by saying that unlike other characters in classic literature and mythology or popular film and television, Vader didn’t have a “come to Jesus” moment and see the error of his ways like, for example, Legate Damar did when he turned on The Dominion in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and began to see how truly evil they were (By the way, like Vader, the Dominion got off way too easy, as well, and Section 31 was right to create the disease that would have killed them all, but I digress…) and actually evolved his thinking. No, in typical Anakin Skywalker-fashion, he was motivated by narcissistic self-interest.

C.monnnn… think of all the fun we’ll have raping and pillaging!

In Attack of the Clones he killed the Tusken Raiders, also known by their dehumanizing and slightly racist other name the “Sandpeople” (women and children, too) out of a need for personal revenge, he joined Palpatine and the Dark Side to save Padmé, he decapitated Dooku because it was less of a hassle than taking him prisoner and he ultimately killed Palpatine to protect his son. Hell, in The Empire Strikes Back, he didn’t try to recruit Luke by saying, “Luke, join me so we can stop this madness and I can make amends for all of the pain I’ve caused,” no, he says, “Join me and we can rule the Galaxy as father and son.” What the sh*t?  Hey, Darth… it’s not always about what works for you… dick.

Yep… as you can see, the sh*t works as advertised. So, how many Death Stars can I put you down for?

This guy’s track-record as far as we know from the six films is that he has personally murdered women and children, baby Padawans, and was instrumental in committing genocide throughout the galaxy. Oh, and yeah… he destroyed an entire planet with no defensive capabilities thereby killing billions of innocent people in one shot… as a product demonstration! This guy made Hitler look like Walt Disney, yet he’s revered at the end of Jedi like he’s some kind of tragic hero. “I can still feel the good in you, father.” Eff that, Vader never expressed even one ounce of regret over the evil things that he had done, even at the end.  Nope, the only thing that he regrets is the fact that he disappointed his kid!

And, by the way, yes, nerds, I am completely aware that Luke never uttered the exact words, “I can still feel the good in you, father,” but that, of course, was the big theme. Besides, if Lucas can change the entire make-up of characters than I sure as heck can tweak a little dialogue for the purpose of driving a point home.

Moving along…

Hope & Change: Bringin’ It.

So, when Luke is dragging him up on that ramp on the shuttle saying, “You’re coming with me.  I can’t leave you here. I’ve got to save you,” what was he thinking… that the rest of the Rebel Alliance and trillions of oppressed citizens of the Empire would just let him off the hook because he did one good thing and helped his kid? I hate to be the one to break this to people but Vader killing Palpatine was a meaningless gesture thanks to the badass of all badasses, Lando Calrissian taking care of business with the Millenium Falcon, a forty of Colt 45 and that little frog-looking dude in the copilot’s seat. Again, all Vader did was save his own kid which is something I do every day when they climb on top of the fridge and they aren’t pinning any medals on my chest and I’ve certainly never killed a bunch of five year-olds.  Luke or no Luke, Vader or no Vader, that Death Star gets blown up and the Emperor gets vaporized along with everyone else on that thing.

All he needs is a gallon of Kool-Aid and he’s ready to party.

And another thing…. why was Luke crying?  He’s had contact with his old man a grand total of three times in his life.  Let’s examine the outcomes of those events, shall we?  The first time, he watched Vader murder his mentor Obi Wan (mind you, he did just meet that guy a few hours earlier, but losing the leader of cult can be very destructive for an impressionable young man like Luke who became a religious zealot within only a couple of hours of actually hearing about the religion) and of course it turns out that he was directly responsible for the murders of his aunt and uncle.  The second time, Dad freezes his best friend in a block of carbonite and cuts off his hand while letting him fall presumably to his death without even checking to see if he’s OK and the third time, he tries to kill him, considers letting his boss the finish the job and then changes his mind.  Yeah, those are real Kodak moments to get all misty-eyed over, Luke.

Warmin’ up for ya, Darth. Nub, Nub, indeed.
BTW, I can’t begin to tell you how hard it is to find a photo of an Ewok on a toilet.

Redemption, my ass. What most likely would have happened if Vader would have survived like Luke tried to make happen is that Vader would have bit it like Mussolini albeit with representatives from the 50,000 Old Republic planets all throwing stones at him and the Wookiees and Ewoks taking turns, respectively, taking a dump in his open mouth, and chances are, Luke would have gotten whacked just for being associated with his ass (which Luke probably knew which is why he didn’t make a big issue out of Vader’s protests).

But no, what does Lucas give us? He gives a happy little scene where Vader is honored with a funeral pyre and we see the spirits of Kenobi, Yoda and the genocidal, narcissistic, child-killing, mass-murderer smiling on in Jedi Heaven like nothing happened. Eff that. There’s a special place in Hell for Darth Vader and for George Lucas for trying to make us believe that empty gestures can wash away a history of pure, unadulterated evil.

As a reminder… Han fired the ONLY shot.

And why not, I guess?  After all this is the same guy that has changed the history of his own work to make an obvious scoundrel and cold-blooded killer seem like a hero, even going so far as to definitively say that Han Solo was always meant to shoot first.  I’ve heard people say that Lucas has raped their childhood, no, Lucas has been raping our intelligence since we were toddlers and continues to do so as we march toward middle-age… and, of course, we gladly accept it and ask for more (and I freely admit that I am just as bad).

***Sigh.***

Seriously… What the Hell is wrong with us?

So now that the rant is officially over, please enjoy Red Letter Media’s review of Star Wars – Episode I: The Phantom Menace, by Harry S. Plinkett.  It’s an hour and eight minutes long so I had to split it into two parts but it’s well worth it.

Blu-Ray Review: ‘Family Guy: It’s A Trap!’ (‘Star Wars: Return of the Jedi’ Parody)

An outrageous “Family Guy”-style remake of Return of the Jedi, this Star Wars spoof finds Chris Skywalker and Princess Lois attempting to rescue Peter Solo from Jabba the Hutt, defeat the mighty Stewie Vader and blow up the second Death Star. This wacky animated parody features off-the-wall Star Trek: The Next Generation guests including Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard and Michael Dorn as Lieutenant Worf. – Netflix

4 out of 10

This is the third installment of the Family Guy spoofs of the original Star Wars films and it is the worst by far.  In the opening scrolling text sequence in the beginning of It’s a Trap! the writers tell a tale about how they literally put no effort into the writing of this because they were so exhausted after having done Something, Something, Something, Darkside that they just didn’t care… this is not a joke, it is the absolute truth.  It’s even admitted to by Seth McFarlane in the commentary, and it’s apparent from the first joke that they completely phoned it in.

It’s a Trap! is boring and unfunny for the most part and the jokes are generally predictable and nowhere near as good as Blue Harvest or Something, Something, Something Darkside (with Blue Harvest being the best of the three).  There is one truly hilarious scene in the film but that’s it (and unlike some other reviewers, we’re not going to spoil it by telling you what that is.  You deserve to get some enjoyment out of this mess).  The rest is pretty much a waste of time from a comedy standpoint and what’s going to be disappointing is that this is that is going to be this season’s season finale because that’s what they’ve been doing with these direct-to-video movies for the last four years.  It’s really a shame because, It’s a Trap! is going to tarnish what has been the best season of Family Guy since the relaunch.  This episode seems more suited to second or third season post-relaunch Family Guy with the unfunny jokes and jokes that just got dragged on forever than it does for the 2010 -2011 season.  If you need any further proof of how bad this is or how the writers mailed it in, they threw in a Conway Twitty scene… again… but this time they gave him a Darth Vader helmet (no, I’m not kidding).

The only reason it’s getting a four instead of one is because the special features, albeit limited, are pretty decent (the commentary is funnier than the film) and the animation is fantastic.  This is the first of the Family Guy Star Wars spoofs to be produced in 16:9 and it is quite visually stunning and in fact it is the most visually stunning of the three spoofs.  That being said, quality of animation is not why we watch Family Guy, though.

Unless you are a die-hard Family Guy fan and you must have this in your collection, we wouldn’t recommend this.  The only reason we purchased it is because it came in the  trilogy and we needed the Blue Harvest Blu-Ray and the trilogy was just $4.00 more than just the one film. Also, for the record, the Blu-ray not only comes with the Digital Copy but it also comes with the DVD copy as well so at least it’s a bargain.