Meet CBS’s New Shows For 2011 – 2012 (VIDEOS!)… And Watch How We Tear Them Apart (Preview – Review)

"The 'Tastic Says: You FAIL!"

As promised, The ‘Tastic is proud to present the first-look trailers for all of CBS’s new shows… the few that are there due to CBS hardly canceling anything.  Along with synopses and videos, in true TV-Tastic-style we’ll give you a preview assessment of each of the new series (in other words, we plan to pretty much rip most of them apart) letting you know what we think about them and if it’s worth your time to check them out this Fall and just to give everyone a heads up:   on CBS this season: drama = good, comedy = bad.

Unforgettable stars Poppy Montgomery as Carrie Wells, an enigmatic former police detective with a rare condition that makes her memory so flawless that every place, every conversation, every moment of joy and every heartbreak is forever embedded in her mind.  It’s not just that she doesn’t forget anything – she can’t; except for one thing: the details that would help solve her sister’s long-ago murder.  Carrie has tried to put her past behind her, but she’s unexpectedly reunited with her ex-boyfriend and partner, NYPD Detective Al Burns (Dylan Walsh), when she consults on a homicide case.  His squad includes Det. Mike Costello (Michael Gaston), Al’s right-hand man; Detective Roe Saunders (Kevin Rankin), the junior member of the team; and Detective Nina Inara (Daya Vaidya), a sassy, street-smart cop.  Being back on the job after a break feels surprisingly right for Carrie.  Despite her conflicted feelings for Al, she decides to permanently join his unit as a detective solving homicides – most notably, the unsolved murder of her sister.  All she needs to do is remember.  Ed Redlich, John Bellucci, Sarah Timberman and Carl Beverly are executive producers for Sony Television Studios in association with CBS Television Studios.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Well… we think it looks good, but it’s kind of hard to tell. We really do not like when instead of just getting a straight-up trailer on a new show, we wind up getting a hybrid trailer/cast & crew interviews video and that doesn’t really tell us a whole lot because the cast and crew always beam about the new shows they are in.  What are they going to say? “Don’t watch my new show, it sucks?”  So we will just go with what we know.  It’s a cop procedural,  alright, and you know how much we hate those, however, it has very unique twist on the main character and that could play out very well.  Can’t really say for sure whether or not if we like this so we’ll go with “maybe.”

Person of Interest stars Jim Caviezel, Emmy Award winner Michael Emerson and Academy Award nominee Taraji P. Henson in a crime thriller about a presumed dead former-CIA agent who teams up with a mysterious billionaire to prevent violent crimes by using their own brand of vigilante justice.  Reese’s (Caviezel) special training in covert operations appeals to Finch (Emerson), a software genius who invented a program that uses pattern recognition to identify people about to be involved in violent crimes.  Using state-of-the-art surveillance technology, the two work outside of the law using Reese’s adept skills and Finch’s unlimited wealth to unravel the mystery of the person of interest and stop the crime before it happens.  Reese’s actions catch the attention of the NYPD, including homicide detective Carter (Henson), and Fusco (Kevin Chapman), a cop who Reese uses to his advantage.  With infinite crimes to investigate, Reese and Finch find that the right person, with the right information, at the right time, can change everything.

The ‘Tastic Says:  We were excited about this show from the moment we heard about it back in February. It’s not just a J.J. Abrams action-spy thriller, it’s a J.J. Abrams/Jonathan Nolan action-spy thriller that stars Jim Caviezel (The Prisoner, The Passion of the Christ) and Michael Emerson (Lost).  We didn’t even have to watch the trailer to know it was going to look fantastic, but of course we wanted to and even though it was another one of those hybrid trailers, it’s a lot better than Unforgettable‘s.  It’s not just action, this show has a serious level of mystery and suspense to it and very deep, shades-of-gray characters.  It also doesn’t hurt that it looks like a Summer blockbuster action flick.  This is going to be great and we can’t wait for the premiere.

A Gifted Man is a drama about a brilliant, charismatic surgeon whose life changes forever when his deceased ex-wife begins teaching him the meaning of life from the “hereafter.”  Michael Holt (Patrick Wilson) is an exceptional doctor who lives a materialistic life of luxury thanks to his work-obsessed career and powerful and wealthy patients; however, Michael’s ordered world is rocked when his ex-wife, Anna (Jennifer Ehle), an idealistic free-clinic doctor and the love of his life, mysteriously appears to him.  Michael’s off-beat sister, Christina (Julie Benz), a single mom to her teenaged son, Milo (Liam Aiken), is thrilled that Anna’s back in her brother’s life, even as an “illusion,” because Michael was always a better person with her.  Curious about Michael’s sudden change in behavior is his efficient assistant, Rita (Margo Martindale).  When Anna asks Michael to go to her clinic to help keep it running, he meets Autumn (Afton Williamson), a volunteer carrying on Anna’s work with the underprivileged.  Touched by those in need and accepting of Anna’s compassionate “presence,” Michael’s attitude toward serving the rich and poor is turned upside down, and he begins to see that there’s room in his life for everyone.

The ‘Tastic Says:  The show description sucks, however the trailer makes this show look very heart warming and charming.  We can’t believe that we’re saying that we’re actually looking forward to this because it’s a chick show completely.   This is the first trailer we’ve seen so far for the new season that actually falls into the category of “high-concept.”  Seriously, can CBS do any wrong any more?


2 Broke Girls is a comedy about two young women waitressing at a greasy spoon diner who strike up an unlikely friendship in the hopes of launching a successful business – if only they can raise the cash.  Sassy, streetwise Max (Kat Dennings) works two jobs just to get by, one of which is waiting tables during the night shift at the retro-hip Williamsburg Diner.  Sophisticated Caroline (Beth Behrs) is an uptown trust fund princess who’s having a run of bad luck that forces her to reluctantly give waitressing a shot.  At first, Max sees Caroline as yet another in a long line of inept servers she must cover for, but she’s surprised to find that Caroline has as much substance as she does style.  When Caroline discovers Max’s knack for baking amazing cupcakes, she sees a lucrative future for them, but they first need to raise the start-up money.  While they save their tips, they’ll stay at the restaurant, working with Oleg (Jonathan Kite), an overly flirtatious Russian cook; Earl (Garrett Morris), a 75-year-old kool-kat cashier; and Han Lee (Matthew Moy), the new, eager-to-please owner of the diner.  Working together, these two broke girls living in one expensive city might just find the perfect recipe for their big break.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Well, we obviously spoke to soon because this is awful but what are we expecting from the network that has made successful comedies out of both Two and a Half Men and Mike & Molly?  What’s shocking is that this show will probably become a hit because CBS comedy audiences check their brains at the door regularly.  Fish out of water, classic odd couple, world’s collide.. all the same typical crap with the same recycled jokes that sitcoms have been using for 30 years.  Boring and uninteresting.

How to be a Gentleman, inspired by the book of the same name, is a comedy about the unlikely friendship between a traditional, refined writer and an unrefined personal trainer.  Andrew Carlson (David Hornsby) is an etiquette columnist whose devotion to ideals from a more civilized time has lead to a life detached from modern society.  Infectiously optimistic, Bert Lansing (Kevin Dillon) is a reformed “bad boy” from Andrew’s past who inherited a fitness center, but can still be rude, loud and sloppy.  When Andrew’s editor, Jerry (Dave Foley), tells him to put a modern, sexy twist on his column or be fired, he hires Bert as a life coach in the hopes of learning to be less “gentle man” and more “real man.”  Andrew’s mom, Diane (Nancy Lenehan), and his bossy sister, Janet (Mary Lynn Rajskub), support the plan, as would Janet’s husband, Mike (Rhys Darby), if he was allowed to have an opinion.  Though Andrew and Bert’s views may be centuries apart, they may find they’re each other’s missing link.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Is it just us or is this not the same show as 2 Broke Girls except for it’s an odd-couple-with-dudes comedy.  This looks only slightly better than 2BG and probably only because it has Kevin Dillon in it. It still looks like the typical awful sitcom, though.

The New Midseason Series:

From Robert De Niro and Jane Rosenthal comes The 2-2, which follows six diverse NYPD rookies as they patrol the gritty streets of upper Manhattan.  The new trainees include Jennifer “White House” Perry (Leelee Sobieski), a former college volleyball star and Marine MP in Iraq with a take-charge attitude; Ray “Lazarus” Harper (Adam Goldberg), the oldest rookie and a former police news reporter with better sources than many seasoned cops; Tonya Sanchez (Judy Marte), who comes from a family with a criminal history and has a very personal connection inside the force; Ahmad “Kiterunner” Kahn (Tom Reed), an Afghani native who fought his way to freedom; Kenny McClaren (Stark Sands), a fourth-generation police officer with great instincts but qualms about joining the force; and Jayson Toney (Harold House Moore), a young basketball legend who squandered his opportunity in the NBA.  Their demanding Field Training Officer, Daniel “Yoda” Dean (Terry Kinney), is a case-hardened, unsentimental veteran of the force who emphasizes basics and holds each cop accountable for their actions.  With unique backgrounds, personalities and reasons for being on the force, the new cops will make their share of rookie mistakes while they figure out how to relate to their boss, each other and to the people they swore to protect.  Two-time Academy Award winner Robert De Niro (“The Godfather: Part II,” “Raging Bull”), Jane Rosenthal (“Meet the Parents”), Academy Award nominee Richard Price (“The Color of Money”), Ken Sanzel (“Numb3rs”) and James Mangold (“Walk the Line”) are executive producers for CBS Television Studios in association with Tribeca Productions.  The pilot was directed by James Mangold.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Yeah… we don’t know about this one.  It seem like another dull and boring police procedural just shown from different rookie-cop perspective.  The characters don’t seem to be very original at all and we don’t really see the necessity for another bland police procedural with nothing particularly unique about it (a cop show set in New York?  No way!  Get out of here!).  We’ll give it a shot because Robert De Niro’s name being attached to it but we can’t promise sticking around for it for very long. 

(Sorry, but no trailer on this one yet)

ALERT! CBS Announces 2011 – 2012 Schedule

Here it is, folks, direct from the CBS Upfront Advertising Event, CBS’s 2011 – 2012 Primetime Programming Schedule (scroll down for complete schedule).  Please note, if you don’t see your favorite show from this season, recent cancellations have been covered here and here.

If you have any questions about other shows, post them below.

Some programming notes:

  • CBS’ very strong lineup has had limited changes.  So unless you were just dying for The Defenders, Mad Love or the worst television show ever made, $#*! My Dad Says, if you’re a fan of CBS, you did O.K., and in fact a lot better than anyone else.
  • As far as new programming is concerned, other than the J.J. Abrams/Jonathan Nolan Project,  Person of Interest, as with most of the new network offerings, there’s a recurring theme this fall with all of the networks, and that is that there a recurring themes in most of the new programming.  There really aren’t that may particularly original concepts showing up for any of the new scripted programming.
  • Rules of Engagement has been moved to… SATURDAY???  Why bother renewing it?
  • We’ll be doing a preview assessment on all of the new shows as well as providing trailers later tonight.

Via Press Release:

CBS ANNOUNCES 2011-2012 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE

America‘s Most Watched Network Adds Five New Series

New Dramas Include a Thriller from J.J. Abrams, PERSON OF INTEREST,

And Two Shows with Very Cerebral Twists – UNFORGETTABLE and

A GIFTED MAN

 Comedies Feature 2 BROKE GIRLS from

Michael Patrick King (“Sex and the City”), and Two ‘Odd Couple’ Guys

In HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN

CSI Moves to Wednesday at 10:00 PM,

The Good Wife Relocates to Sunday at 9:00 PM and

Rules of Engagement Moves to Saturday at 8:00 PM

 19 Series Return to Top-Rated Line-Up

 Undercover Boss and THE 2-2, a New Drama from Tribeca Productions and Executive Producers Robert De Niro and Jane Rosenthal, to Premiere Mid-Season

NEW YORK — CBS announced today its new 2011-2012 primetime schedule, ordering five new series and making key time-period moves for CSI and The Good Wife to strengthen its already top-rated primetime lineup.  CBS will, once again, finish the season as America’s most watched network, marking the eighth time it has done so in the last nine years.

The new series include three new dramas and two new comedies: PERSON OF INTEREST, a crime thriller from renowned executive producer J.J. Abrams starring Jim Caviezel, Emmy Award winner Michael Emerson and Academy Award nominee Taraji P. Henson; UNFORGETTABLE, starring Dylan Walsh and Poppy Montgomery as a former detective with a rare condition that enables her to remember virtually every detail from every day of her life; A GIFTED MAN about a preeminent surgeon whose life changes forever when his deceased ex-wife returns, starring Patrick Wilson and Jennifer Ehle; 2 BROKE GIRLS, a comedy about two strikingly different young waitresses who form an unlikely friendship, starring Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs; and an odd-couple comedy, HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN, starring David Hornsby and Kevin Dillon, about a refined magazine columnist and his very unrefined personal trainer.

The freshman series will be joined by 19 returning shows, including the season’s #1 drama/scripted series,NCIS; #1 comedy, The Big Bang Theory; #1 news magazine, 60 Minutes; # 1 new comedy, MIKE & Molly; along with two franchise reality series, SURVIVOR and the seven-time Emmy Award winner, THE Amazing Race.

The other returning series include: How I Met Your Mother; Hawaii Five-0; NCIS: LOS ANGELES; Criminal Minds;CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION; The Mentalist; CSI: NY; Blue Bloods; Rules of Engagement; 48 Hours Mystery; The Good Wife; and CSI: MIAMI.

For mid-season, CBS will present the third season of the reality series Undercover Boss, and the new police drama, THE 2-2, from Tribeca Productions and executive producers Robert De Niro and Jane Rosenthal.

The new 2011-2012 schedule is as follows:

On Monday, the veteran How I Met Your Mother returns at 8:00 PM, to provide a strong lead-in for another young comedy, 2 BROKE GIRLS, at 8:30 PM.  Ashton Kutcher joins the cast of the top-rated comedy, Two and a Half Men, at 9:00 PM, followed by returning freshman hits MIKE & Molly at 9:30 PM and Hawaii Five-0 at 10:00 PM.

On Tuesday, the #1-rated scripted series, NCIS, returns at 8:00 PM followed by the #2-rated scripted series,NCIS: LOS ANGELES, at 9:00 PM, providing a powerful lead-in to the new drama, UNFORGETTABLE, at 10:00 PM.

On Wednesday, SURVIVOR returns to the time period it improved 100% in viewers last season (8:00 PM). Criminal Minds, one of the top-rated dramas on television, is back at 9:00 PM, and is paired with CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION to form a strong two-hour crime drama block from 9:00-11:00 PM.

On Thursday, CBS adds a new comedy and drama to the middle of the line-up, book-ended by two established hit series: television’s #1 comedy, The Big Bang Theory, returns at 8:00 PM, providing a strong lead-in to the new comedy, HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN.  J.J. Abrams’ new crime-thriller, PERSON OF INTEREST, joins the line-up at 9:00 PM, followed by the time-period winning drama, The Mentalist, as the night’s strong anchor at 10:00 PM.

On Friday, CBS’s time-period winning, two-hour New York police drama block returns from 9:00-11:00 PM withCSI: NY and Blue Bloods.  A unique new series opens the night at 8:00 PM with A GIFTED MAN, a medical drama with a spiritual twist.

On Saturday, original programming opens the night at 8:00 PM with Rules of Engagement, which will be paired with COMEDYTIME at 8:30 PM, featuring encore broadcasts of CBS comedies.  The successful duo of CRIMETIME at 9:00 PM and the time period-winning 48 Hours Mystery at 10:00 PM closes the night.

Sunday night has an award-winning flare.  The acclaimed and always top-rated 60 Minutes opens at 7:00 PM, followed by the seven-time Emmy Award winning series, THE Amazing Race, at 8:00 PM, leading into the critically acclaimed, award-winning drama, The Good Wife, at 9:00 PM.  The always successful CSI: MIAMI caps the night at 10:00 PM.

The New Dramas are:

UNFORGETTABLE stars Poppy Montgomery as Carrie Wells, an enigmatic former police detective with a rare condition that makes her memory so flawless that every place, every conversation, every moment of joy and every heartbreak is forever embedded in her mind.  It’s not just that she doesn’t forget anything – she can’t; except for one thing: the details that would help solve her sister’s long-ago murder.  Carrie has tried to put her past behind her, but she’s unexpectedly reunited with her ex-boyfriend and partner, NYPD Detective Al Burns (Dylan Walsh), when she consults on a homicide case.  His squad includes Det. Mike Costello (Michael Gaston), Al’s right-hand man; Detective Roe Saunders (Kevin Rankin), the junior member of the team; and Detective Nina Inara (Daya Vaidya), a sassy, street-smart cop.  Being back on the job after a break feels surprisingly right for Carrie.  Despite her conflicted feelings for Al, she decides to permanently join his unit as a detective solving homicides – most notably, the unsolved murder of her sister.  All she needs to do is remember.  Ed Redlich, John Bellucci, Sarah Timberman and Carl Beverly are executive producers for Sony Television Studios in association with CBS Television Studios.

PERSON OF INTEREST stars Jim Caviezel, Emmy Award winner Michael Emerson and Academy Award nominee Taraji P. Henson in a crime thriller about a presumed dead former-CIA agent who teams up with a mysterious billionaire to prevent violent crimes by using their own brand of vigilante justice.  Reese’s (Caviezel) special training in covert operations appeals to Finch (Emerson), a software genius who invented a program that uses pattern recognition to identify people about to be involved in violent crimes.  Using state-of-the-art surveillance technology, the two work outside of the law using Reese’s adept skills and Finch’s unlimited wealth to unravel the mystery of the person of interest and stop the crime before it happens.  Reese’s actions catch the attention of the NYPD, including homicide detective Carter (Henson), and Fusco (Kevin Chapman), a cop who Reese uses to his advantage.  With infinite crimes to investigate, Reese and Finch find that the right person, with the right information, at the right time, can change everything.  Emmy Award winners J.J. Abrams and Bryan Burk (“Lost”), Academy Award nominee Jonathan Nolan (“Memento”), David Semel (“Heroes”) and Greg Plageman (“Cold Case”) are the executive producers for Warner Bros. Television.

A GIFTED MAN is a drama about a brilliant, charismatic surgeon whose life changes forever when his deceased ex-wife begins teaching him the meaning of life from the “hereafter.”  Michael Holt (Patrick Wilson) is an exceptional doctor who lives a materialistic life of luxury thanks to his work-obsessed career and powerful and wealthy patients; however, Michael’s ordered world is rocked when his ex-wife, Anna (Jennifer Ehle), an idealistic free-clinic doctor and the love of his life, mysteriously appears to him.  Michael’s off-beat sister, Christina (Julie Benz), a single mom to her teenaged son, Milo (Liam Aiken), is thrilled that Anna’s back in her brother’s life, even as an “illusion,” because Michael was always a better person with her.  Curious about Michael’s sudden change in behavior is his efficient assistant, Rita (Margo Martindale).  When Anna asks Michael to go to her clinic to help keep it running, he meets Autumn (Afton Williamson), a volunteer carrying on Anna’s work with the underprivileged.  Touched by those in need and accepting of Anna’s compassionate “presence,” Michael’s attitude toward serving the rich and poor is turned upside down, and he begins to see that there’s room in his life for everyone.  Academy Award nominee Susannah Grant (“Erin Brockovich”), Academy Award winner Jonathan Demme (“The Silence of the Lambs”), Sarah Timberman, Carl Beverly and Neal Baer (“ER”) are executive producers for CBS Television Studios.

The New Comedies are:

2 BROKE GIRLS is a comedy about two young women waitressing at a greasy spoon diner who strike up an unlikely friendship in the hopes of launching a successful business – if only they can raise the cash.  Sassy, streetwise Max (Kat Dennings) works two jobs just to get by, one of which is waiting tables during the night shift at the retro-hip Williamsburg Diner.  Sophisticated Caroline (Beth Behrs) is an uptown trust fund princess who’s having a run of bad luck that forces her to reluctantly give waitressing a shot.  At first, Max sees Caroline as yet another in a long line of inept servers she must cover for, but she’s surprised to find that Caroline has as much substance as she does style.  When Caroline discovers Max’s knack for baking amazing cupcakes, she sees a lucrative future for them, but they first need to raise the start-up money.  While they save their tips, they’ll stay at the restaurant, working with Oleg (Jonathan Kite), an overly flirtatious Russian cook; Earl (Garrett Morris), a 75-year-old kool-kat cashier; and Han Lee (Matthew Moy), the new, eager-to-please owner of the diner.  Working together, these two broke girls living in one expensive city might just find the perfect recipe for their big break.  Michael Patrick King (“Sex and the City”) and writer-comedian Whitney Cummings (“Chelsea Lately”) are executive producers for Warner Bros. Television.

HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN, inspired by the book of the same name, is a comedy about the unlikely friendship between a traditional, refined writer and an unrefined personal trainer.  Andrew Carlson (David Hornsby) is an etiquette columnist whose devotion to ideals from a more civilized time has lead to a life detached from modern society.  Infectiously optimistic, Bert Lansing (Kevin Dillon) is a reformed “bad boy” from Andrew’s past who inherited a fitness center, but can still be rude, loud and sloppy.  When Andrew’s editor, Jerry (Dave Foley), tells him to put a modern, sexy twist on his column or be fired, he hires Bert as a life coach in the hopes of learning to be less “gentle man” and more “real man.”  Andrew’s mom, Diane (Nancy Lenehan), and his bossy sister, Janet (Mary Lynn Rajskub), support the plan, as would Janet’s husband, Mike (Rhys Darby), if he was allowed to have an opinion.  Though Andrew and Bert’s views may be centuries apart, they may find they’re each other’s missing link.  David Hornsby (“It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”), Adam Chase (“Friends”), Ted Schachter (“The Invention of Lying”), Joe Hipps and Modi Wiczyk are executive producers for CBS Television Studios.

The New Midseason Series:

From Robert De Niro and Jane Rosenthal comes THE 2-2, which follows six diverse NYPD rookies as they patrol the gritty streets of upper Manhattan.  The new trainees include Jennifer “White House” Perry (Leelee Sobieski), a former college volleyball star and Marine MP in Iraq with a take-charge attitude; Ray “Lazarus” Harper (Adam Goldberg), the oldest rookie and a former police news reporter with better sources than many seasoned cops; Tonya Sanchez (Judy Marte), who comes from a family with a criminal history and has a very personal connection inside the force; Ahmad “Kiterunner” Kahn (Tom Reed), an Afghani native who fought his way to freedom; Kenny McClaren (Stark Sands), a fourth-generation police officer with great instincts but qualms about joining the force; and Jayson Toney (Harold House Moore), a young basketball legend who squandered his opportunity in the NBA.  Their demanding Field Training Officer, Daniel “Yoda” Dean (Terry Kinney), is a case-hardened, unsentimental veteran of the force who emphasizes basics and holds each cop accountable for their actions.  With unique backgrounds, personalities and reasons for being on the force, the new cops will make their share of rookie mistakes while they figure out how to relate to their boss, each other and to the people they swore to protect.  Two-time Academy Award winner Robert De Niro (“The Godfather: Part II,” “Raging Bull”), Jane Rosenthal (“Meet the Parents”), Academy Award nominee Richard Price (“The Color of Money”), Ken Sanzel (“Numb3rs”) and James Mangold (“Walk the Line”) are executive producers for CBS Television Studios in association with Tribeca Productions.  The pilot was directed by James Mangold.

CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

2011-2012 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE

(N=New, NT=New Time, all times ET/PT)

MONDAY

8:00-8:30 PM              How I Met Your Mother

8:30-9:00 PM              2 Broke Girls (NEW!)

9:00-9:30 PM              Two and a Half Men

9:30-10:00 PM            Mike & Molly

10:00-11:00 PM          Hawaii Five-0

TUESDAY

8:00-9:00 PM              NCIS

9:00-10:00 PM            NCIS: LOS ANGELES

10:00-11:00 PM          Unforgettable (NEW!)

WEDNESDAY

8:00-9:00 PM              Survivor: South Pacific

9:00-10:00 PM            Criminal Minds

10:00-11:00 PM          CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Unit

THURSDAY

8:00-8:30 PM              The Big Bang Theory

8:30-9:00 PM              How to be a Gentleman (NEW!)

9:00-10:00 PM            Person of Interest (NEW!)

10:00-11:00 PM          The Mentalist

FRIDAY

8:00-9:00 PM              A Gifted Man (NEW!)

9:00-10:00 PM            CSI: New York

10:00-11:00 PM          Blue Bloods

SATURDAY

8:00-8:30 PM              Rules of Engagement

8:30-9:00 PM              COMEDYTIME SATURDAY

9:00-10:00 PM            CRIMETIME SATURDAY

10:00-11:00 PM          48 Hours Mystery

SUNDAY

7:00-8:00 PM              60 Minutes

8:00-9:00 PM              The Amazing Race

9:00-10:00 PM            The Good Wife

10:00-11:00 PM          CSI: Miami

About CBS Television Network

CBS was established in 1928, when founder William Paley purchased 16 independent radio stations and christened them the Columbia Broadcast System.  Today, with more than 200 television stations and affiliates reaching virtually every home in the United States, CBS’s total primetime network lineup was watched by more than 100 million people a week during the 2010-2011 season.  The Network has the #1 drama/scripted program, NCIS; #1 sitcom, The Big Bang Theory; #1 newsmagazine, 60 Minutes; and #1 daytime drama, THE YOUNG AND The Restless.  Its programming arms include CBS Entertainment, CBS News and CBS Sports.  For more information, please visit http://www.cbs.com/.

About CBS Corporation

CBS Corporation is a mass media company with constituent parts that reach back to the beginnings of the broadcast industry, as well as newer businesses that operate on the leading edge of the media industry.  The Company, through its many and varied operations, combines broad reach with well-positioned local businesses, all of which provide it with an extensive distribution network by which it serves audiences and advertisers in all 50 states and key international markets.  It has operations in virtually every field of media and entertainment, including broadcast television (CBS and The CW – a joint venture between CBS Corporation and Warner Bros. Entertainment), cable television (Showtime Networks, Smithsonian Networks and CBS College Sports Network), local television (CBS Television Stations), television production and syndication (CBS Television Studios, CBS Studios International and CBS Television Distribution), radio (CBS Radio), advertising on out-of-home media (CBS Outdoor), publishing (Simon & Schuster), interactive media (CBS Interactive), music (CBS Records), licensing and merchandising (CBS Consumer Products), video/DVD (CBS Home Entertainment), motion pictures (CBS Films) and sustainable media (EcoMedia).  For more information, please visit www.cbscorporation.com.

Photos are available at www.cbspressexpress.com.

Follow us on Twitter @cbstweet


Meet ABC’s New Shows For 2011 – 2012 (VIDEOS!)… And Watch How We Tear Them Apart (Preview – Review)

“The ‘Tastic Says: You FAIL!”

As promised, The ‘Tastic is proud to present the first-look trailers for all of ABC’s new shows… and there are a lot of them (you can see the full Fall schedule right here.).  Along with synopses and videos, in true TV-Tastic-style we’ll give you a preview assessment of each of the new series (in other words, we plan to pretty much rip most of them apart) letting you know what we think about them and if it’s worth your time to check them out this Fall and just to give everyone a heads up: overall we are amazed at how good most of these shows look despite the fact that ABC is becoming the Big-5’s version of Lifetime.

FALL

Last Man Standing:  Today it’s a woman’s world, and this man’s man is on a mission to get men back to their rightful place in society.

Tim Allen returns to ABC in this new comedy from Jack Burditt (“30 Rock”). Men may have built civilizations, invented the locomotive and created ESPN, but they’re about to find out that it’s not a man’s world anymore. You can’t get manlier than Mike Baxter. He’s the marketing director for an iconic outdoor sporting goods store, he loves to have adventures while he’s traveling for work and, of course, he drives a pick-up truck. While Mike is king of the hill at work, he’s the odd man out in a home that is dominated by women — namely his wife, Vanessa, and their three daughters, 22- year-old Kristin, 17-year-old Mandy and 14-year-old Eve. After being a stay-at-home mom for years, Vanessa recently returned to the workplace and was quickly promoted (much to the dismay of her primarily male co-workers). As a result of Vanessa’s increased work load, Mike is pulled into more hands-on parenting than ever before.

The ‘Tastic Says:   Say hello to the first installment of male emasculating and male-bashing.  This show in and of itself doesn’t look particularly awful, however it looks like a clone of Home Improvement sans the tools and Wilson peeking over the fence imparting sage advice.  Also, we simply CANNOT get over this obvious radical gyno-centric agenda that ABC is adopting and it’s particularly insidious with this show, using the reverse-psychology method, trying to convince us that this is a pro-masculinity empowerment show while all the male characters are boorish buffoons. We’re not buying it, ABC.  We certainly get wanting to expand your audience but this seems like a desperate ploy to get women viewers because they know they have no chance in Hell of getting the 18 – 49 male audience any more. The only saving grace for LMS is that Tim Allen  has probably been one of the most likable guys on TV for the last 20 years second maybe only to Jay Leno.  Out of deference to Tim, we’ll reserve our judgment for a few episodes.

Man Up:  Three modern men try to get in touch with their inner tough guys and redefine what it means to be a “real man” in this funny and relatable comedy.

Will’s grandfather fought in WWII. Will’s father fought in Vietnam. Will plays Call of Duty on his PS3 and drinks non-dairy hazelnut creamer. So what happened to all the real men? They’re still here — they just smell like pomegranate body wash now. Meet Will (Mather Zickel). His evolved, sensitive nature is why his awesome wife, Theresa (Teri Polo), married him. But Will and his friends find themselves wondering — in a world of Axe ads and manscaping — what does it really mean to be a guy anymore? Will is more interested in finding the perfect gift for his son Nathan’s (Jake Johnson) 13th birthday than in doing his job selling insurance; sensitive soul Craig (Christopher Moynihan) still pines for his college ex, Lisa; and Kenny (Dan Fogler) clamps down on his anger and asks himself, “What would Tobey Maguire do?,” when his ex, Brenda (Amanda Detmer), starts seeing a guy (Henry Simmons) who is everything he’s not and much better looking. After Craig crashes Lisa’s wedding to try to win her back, they are all faced with an opportunity to Man Up and be like their forefathers.

The ‘Tastic Says: And the hits just keep on coming!  More men who keep their testicles firmly entrenched deep in their wives purses or who are fat, disgusting slobs whose exes are dating guys who are built like comic book superheroes.  We are convinced that this is what happens when Sex and The City fans smoke a joint and then decided to create a television series.  And of course, the men overgrown children who play Call of Duty on the X-Box 360 all night long (because everyone knows that if they actually were adults they’d be playing on a Playstation 3).  As bad and recycled as the premise is (didn’t NBC just fail with this when it was called Perfect Couples?), this show looks pretty funny and probably only because it stars Fanboys neurotic star, Dan Fogler.  We’ll give it a shot but like LMS, we’re not promising anything.

Suburgatory: Single father George only wants the best for his 16-year-old daughter, Tessa. So when he finds a box of condoms on her nightstand, he moves them out of their apartment in New York City to a house in the suburbs. But all Tessa sees is the horror of over-manicured lawns and plastic Franken-moms. Being in the ‘burbs can be hell, but it also may just bring Tessa and George closer than they’ve ever been.

Tessa (Jane Levy) and George (Jeremy Sisto) have been on their own ever since Tessa’s mom pulled a “Kramer vs. Kramer” before she was even potty trained. So far, George has done a pretty good job of raising Tessa without a maternal figure in their lives, but suddenly he’s feeling a little out of his league. So it’s goodbye New York City and hello suburbs. At first Tessa is horrified by the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers and their sugar-free Red Bull-chugging kids. But little by little she and her dad begin finding a way to survive on the clean streets of the ‘burbs. Sure, the neighbors might smother you with love while their kids stare daggers at your back, but underneath all that plastic and caffeine, they’re really not half bad. And they do make a tasty pot roast.

The ‘Tastic Says:  OK… this just looks absolutely horrific.  We don’t know what more to say but we do expect it to die a quick death.  Of course, we’ll endure at least the pilot for the sake of all of you so we can properly review it.

Revenge:  Wealth, beauty and status define the people in this town, but one woman is willing to destroy everyone for the sake of revenge.

Emily Thorne (Emily Van Camp) is new to the Hamptons. She’s met some of her wealthy neighbors, has made a few new friends and seemingly blends into the town. But something is a little odd about a young girl living in a wealthy town all on her own, and the truth is that Emily isn’t exactly new to the neighborhood. In fact, this was once her old neighborhood, until something bad happened that ruined her family and their reputation. Now Emily is back, and she’s returned to right some of those wrongs in the best way she knows how – with a vengeance.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Is there a reason that ABC insists on recycling old plots from failed scripted series?  Do we not all remember the failed (but awesome) NBC series, Life, from 2007 starring Damian Lewis as a cop who is framed by fellow cops and wrongfully convicted of murder, spends 12 years in prison before he’s exonerated, and under the terms of his settlement with the city, gets his old job as a detective back and uses his resources to hunt down, one-by-one, the people involved in the conspiracy?  Call us crazy, but this is the exact same show… but with a chick.  Surprisingly, though, the trailer below does look pretty flippin’ good.  It gave us chills.  Not sure if we’re crazy about Emily Van Camp in the lead as she seems a little soft for such a hardcore character, however maybe that’s why this will work… no one will see her coming.  We’re guessing that this is going to be pretty good, but it’s a serial and we know how today’s audiences feel about serials.  However, this show, like every other show on this network’s schedule is targeting women viewers and that section of the audience has far more tolerance for serialized drama then the rest of the audience.

Charlie’s AngelsEveryone deserves a second chance — even a thief, a street racer and a cop who got in a little too deep. After all, the three women who solve cases for their elusive boss, Charlie Townsend, are no saints. They’re angels… Charlie’s Angels.

Set in Miami, this fun, glamorous, action-packed take on the 1970s smash hit series introduces us to three new angels, all fearless detectives, head-turning beauties and close friends. There’s Abby (Rachael Taylor), a Park Avenue princess who became a world-class thief. Then there’s Kate (Annie Ilonzeh), a Miami cop who fell from grace, losing both her career and her fiancé. Finally there’s Gloria, a disgraced army lieutenant who has a way with explosives. When one of the angels’ missions ends in Gloria’s tragic death, Charlie persuades them to partner with Gloria’s childhood friend, Eve (Minka Kelly), a street racer with a mysterious past. They may not know each other yet, but one thing’s for sure — Abby, Kate and Eve will always have each others’ backs.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Whoot… whoot!  Girl power and a reboot!  No… just no.  Everything about this looks awful. Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Much like The CW needed to be smacked on the nose with a newspaper for Hellcats, the same punishment should apply to ABC for this completely unnecessary relaunch.

Once Upon A Time:  From the inventive minds of “Lost” executive producers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis comes a bold new imagining of the world, where fairy tales and the modern-day are about to collide.

And they all lived happily ever after – or so everyone was led to believe. Emma Swan knows how to take care of herself. She’s a 28-year-old bail bonds collector who’s been on her own ever since she was abandoned as a baby. But when the son she gave up years ago finds her, everything starts to change. Henry is now 10 years old and in desperate need of Emma’s help. He believes that Emma actually comes from an alternate world and is Snow White and Prince Charming’s missing daughter. According to his book of fairytales, they sent her away to protect her from the Evil Queen’s curse, which trapped the fairytale world forever, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world. Of course Emma doesn’t believe a word, but when she brings Henry back to Storybrooke, she finds herself drawn to this unusual boy and his strange New England town. Concerned for Henry, she decides to stay for a while, but she soon suspects that Storybrooke is more than it seems. It’s a place where magic has been forgotten, but is still powerfully close… where fairytale characters are alive, even though they don’t remember who they once were. The epic battle for the future of all worlds is beginning, but for good to win, Emma will have to accept her destiny and fight like hell.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Yet another series with a strong female lead using a (at least partially) recycled premise.  Despite that, this is quite an original twist on the  genre and the second show this season that mixes the contemporary with the classic fairy tale (the first being NBC’s new show, Grimm).  It really looks quite epic and it’s got some big-time writers associated with it but we’re thinking it might be a little too epic for Big-5 TV and seriously, how long can a premise like this last?  22 episodes per season for five to seven seasons?  Doubtful.  It seems more appropriate as a SyFy or HBO miniseries, really. However, on the other hand, who would have thought that these same writers could have given us six seasons and 115 episodes of the second greatest show of all-time, Lost?   If this is as good and as well put-together as it looks, we’d love for this to survive but this type of serial genre programming is very questionable on major network TV in this climate.

Pan Am:  Passion, jealousy and espionage… They do it all – and they do it at 30,000 feet. The style of the 1960s, the energy and excitement of the Jet Age and a drama full of sexy entanglements deliciously mesh in this thrilling and highly-original new series.

In this modern world, air travel represents the height of luxury and Pan Am is the biggest name in the business. The planes are glamorous, the pilots are rock stars and the stewardesses are the most desirable women in the world. Not only are these flyboys and girls young and good looking, but to represent Pan Am they also have to be educated, cultured and refined. They’re trained to handle everything from in-air emergencies to unwanted advances – all without rumpling their pristine uniforms or mussing their hair. There’s Dean (Jonah Lotan) – a cocky, charismatic and ambitious new pilot – the first of a new breed not trained in the war. On the sly against company policy, he’s dating Bridget, a stunning beauty with a mysterious past. A rebellious bohemian, Maggie (Christina Ricci) turns into a buttoned up professional for work so she can see the world. Rounding out the crew are flirtatious Collette (Karine Vanasse), the adventurous Kate (Kelli Garner) and, finally, Laura (Margot Robbie) – Kate’s beauty queen younger sister, a runaway bride, who recently fled a life of domestic boredom to take to the skies.

The ‘Tastic Says:  The more we go through these new shows the more we’re actually starting to admire ABC for their ability to either make every series have a strong, empowering female lead and/or make men look like complete jackasses and often without the audience realizing it.  What they’ve done with this show is just brilliant:  They took the infancy of the women’s lib movement where women were still thought of as second-class citizens, put them in the most sexualized role they could possibly be in for that era (other than wearing bunny ears and a cotton tail… thank you, NBC for not missing a beat and covering that particular base) and turned it around into an empowering position as the perfect cover for a covert operative!  Like we said, BRILLIANT!  Of course, in the aggregate, this is a combination of Alias and Steven Spielberg’s Catch Me if You Can (goodness, half of the scenes in the trailer AND the Sinatra song Come Fly With Me are directly from that film), but still, this looks VERY clever and hip and we think it’s going to be a lot of fun.  We are really looking forward to this.  By the way here’s one thing from Catch Me If You Can that wasn’t in the trailer and it’s doubtful it will be in this new series.

The Greatest Joke of All Time

(NSFW… just play it quietly, will ya?  Use a little discretion at work.  Waitaminute… shouldn’t you be working?)

MIDSEASON

Good Christian Belles:  The soap returns to Dallas in this wicked new drama that shows that you can go home again… but only if you’re ready to face the sins of your past.

Amanda Vaughn (Leslie Bibb), once the ultimate high school “mean girl,” is forced to return home in disgrace after her marriage ends in scandal. Amanda is nothing like the girl she was 20 years ago, but as her old classmates reacquaint themselves with the new Amanda, will her home town welcome her with open arms or seek revenge? No one in this town is a saint, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a heart. As Amanda and her teenage kids try to adjust to their new lives, the ladies from her past alternate between sympathy and scheming.

The ‘Tastic Says:  First keep in mind that this show was originally entitled Good Christian Bitches, so apparently empowering women and treating them with respect only extends so far.  This seems like a ripoff of Desperate Housewives which means that we certainly won’t be watching it as this genre is simply not our bag, however, we have a much bigger problem with the underlying premise of the show to begin with which seems to be to want to expose the moral hypocrisy of Christians.  This is not a particularly smart place to start from for any series in the U.S.  First of all, religion is a very private matter to begin with and most people simply prefer it be kept out of their primetime entertainment fare, but secondly, it’s just not very smart to alienate 79% of your audience right out of the gate.  All of that notwithstanding, this show looks hideous.  The writing is horrible as are the performances and we could figure that out in the minute and 46 seconds we saw below.

Missing: Becca Winstone (Ashley Judd) learns that her son, Michael, disappears while studying abroad, and it’s a race against time when she travels to Europe to track him down. A surprising turn of events reveals just how far one mother will go to protect her family. Exotic locations and thrilling twists will keep you riveted in “Missing.”

How far would you go to save the only thing you have left in the world? At 8 years old, Michael watched as his father, CIA Agent Paul Winstone, was murdered. Now 10 years later, Paul’s wife, Becca, is faced with the reality of her son growing up. When Michael is afforded the opportunity to study abroad, his mother reluctantly agrees it’s time to let him go. Just a few weeks into his trip Michael disappears, and Becca immediately suspects foul play. When she arrives in Rome, she begins piecing together the clues left behind. It isn’t long before the kidnappers realize they’ve picked a fight with the wrong woman. Becca Winstone has a secret of her own — before Paul’s death, she was also a lethal CIA Agent. But if she wants to find her son alive, Becca will have to rely on old friends and reopen old wounds. Her resourcefulness, skill and determination will be put to the test – but a mother’s love knows no limits.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Broken Record here: recycled plot from a failed series and a strong female lead.  If you’re wondering what failed series we’re talking about it would be none other than FOX’s  Vanished from 2006 that lasted a grand total of 13 episodes.  It’s also got the feel of AliasTaken and the Bourne franchise for obvious reasons.  Still, the production values are insane on this.  This is a TV show?  This looks like one of the few bright spots for action this year on all of the networks, and of course we love Ashley Judd going  all the way back to when she played Ensign Robin Lefler on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  There are of course two big problems with this show, the first being the serial factor, but again that may be mitigated by the female audience that we referred to earlier discussing Revenge.  The second is the same issue that OUaT has, and that is, how long can they really go with this premise?  Seriously, are they going to keep that kid missing for five to seven years.  Audiences will grow tired of that quickly and it seems like a very lazy plot device for the central theme of the show considering how well-developed it seems… kinda like it was drawn out of a hat.  Despite this, it really does look good and we’re looking forward to it.

The River:  “The River” follows the story of wildlife expert and TV personality Emmet Cole. Emmet set course around the world with his wife, Tess, and son, Lincoln, while filming what would become one of the most popular shows in television. After he goes missing deep in the Amazon, his family, friends and crew set out on a mysterious and deadly journey to find him.

Famed explorer Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) went looking for magic deep in the uncharted Amazon and never returned. The shocking truth about his disappearance is out there, somewhere, just waiting to be discovered. To the millions of kids who grew up watching his nature show, Dr. Cole was a hero. To his own son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson), he was more of an enigma. Now, six months after he vanished, Lincoln is finally ready to bury the past when Dr. Cole’s emergency beacon suddenly goes off. At the urging of his mother, Tess (Leslie Hope), Lincoln reluctantly joins her on a search for his father. To fund the rescue, they agree to let Dr. Cole’s cagey ex-producer, Clark (Paul Blackthorne), film the mission documentary-style. The mixed crew of old friends and new acquaintances includes the sexy and resourceful Lena (Eloise Mumford), loyal mechanic Emilio (Daniel Zacapa) and lethal bodyguard Captain Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann).

The ‘Tastic Says:  Holy Crap!  This looks awesome!  This show has one of the few truly ensemble casts of the new schedule but of course, it has a super ninja-type strong female lead who has to lead the rescue for the man who got lost in the jungle. But this show looks absolutely amazing and with Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Television producing it (with Spielberg himself exec. producing) you know that this is going to be a tight, well-done show.  It has a very big LOST vibe to it and we certainly can’t complain about that.  This looks like the best new show of the season.

Scandal:  From the creator and executive producers of “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Private Practice” comes a drama revolving around the life and work of a professional crisis manager and her dysfunctional staff.

A former media relations consultant to the President, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) dedicates her life to protecting and defending the public images of our nation’s elite. After leaving the White House, the power consultant opened her own firm, hoping to start a new chapter — both professionally and personally — but she can’t seem to completely cut ties with her past. Slowly it becomes apparent that her staff, who specialize in fixing the lives of other people, can’t quite fix the ones closest at hand — their own.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Oh, good Lord, this looks stupid and surprise, surprise, surprise, yet another ridiculously strong female lead who’s so tough that she can stand in the middle of two guys with handguns and with nothing more than a firm voice make them lower their weapons.  Stupid and predictable procedural that is trying fool the audience into thinking that it’s actually original because they filled in the Mad-Libs blanks with the phrases “Crisis Management” and “Fixer.”  Forget it.

Apartment 23:  After a naïve Midwestern girl’s big city dreams are dashed her first week in New York, she finds herself living with her worst nightmare in this hilarious, contemporary comedy about a female odd couple who are surrounded by an outrageous cast of characters.

June (Dreama Walker) moves to Manhattan for a dream job and the perfect company apartment, only to have them disappear in a puff of reality, thanks to a CEO from the Bernie Madoff school of embezzlement. Deep in debt and out on the streets, June scrambles to land a job and place to live. It seems her luck has turned around when she gets hired at a coffee shop and finds Chloe (Krysten Ritter), a charming, vivacious roommate… with the morals of a pirate. She swindles June out of all her savings, but she and her snarky friend, James Van Der Beek (playing himself), soon learn that, just because June’s naïve, she isn’t stupid. June ingeniously turns the tables on Chloe, who is so shocked about being scammed herself that she decides to pull June into her colorful band of friends. Sure, it’s all dysfunctional, bizarre and overwhelming, but so is New York City. And with the help of Chloe and the other oddballs around her, June might just learn the survival secrets she needs to make it there.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Big shocker… strong female leads again.  This looks actually very funny. Out of all the trailers we’ve seen this one actually made us laugh three or four times.  That’s already more laughs in a minute and a half  than we had during the entire season of $#*! My Dad SaysSeems to have some very clever writing, and it reminds us of Friends if Friends could come back as a series that didn’t suck.  We also find it quite clever that James Van Der Beek keeps getting roles in comedies playing himself.  This should do well.  We hope they  stick this on Wednesday night as the lead out for Modern Family as that’s where it belongs.


Work It:  This high-concept comedy centers on two unrepentant guy’s guys who, unable to find work, dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. Not only do they pull it off, but they might just learn to be better men in the process.

With unemployment an ongoing issue and women now outnumbering men in the workforce, the new comedy series “Work It” follows two alpha males who realize the only way to beat the current “mancession” and land a job in pharmaceutical sales is to pass themselves off as women. Combining all the best elements of the workplace comedy, the buddy comedy and the family comedy, “Work It” centers on Lee Standish (Ben Koldyke) — a quick-witted and likable family man who used to be a top car salesman until he got laid off — and Angel Ortiz (Amaury Nolasco) — a single, hot-headed ladies’ man with no filter — who quickly learn there are fundamental differences in the worlds of men and women that go beyond teetering in high heels and tightening up with Spanx. Lee and Angel are determined to keep their ruse going for as long as they can — and keep their newly found jobs — in this smart, funny and relevant look at male and female relationships at work, at home and socially. Being a better man sometimes means having to be a better woman.

The ‘Tastic says:  Ugh… and the trend continues.  This time, turning heterosexual misogynistic men into transvestites so that they can get jobs in this mythical universe where women run everything.  What we can’t believe is that they actually called this “high-concept.”  We’re sorry, but didn’t ABC already try this show with Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari 30 years ago and call it Bosom Buddies (except the guys weren’t absolute pigs)?  My God, who on God’s green Earth would ever confuse the two of those dopes in this show for women.  At least Scolari and Hanks were kinda pretty for dudes.  Reboot FAIL.  This show is a big floating turd and they don’t even have a catchy theme song by Billy Joel to look forward to.  And on that note to make up for the minute and a half of your life that will be wasted and the fact that you probably will vomit after watching the trailer below, here’s a little treat for you:

Billy Joel – My Life

ALERT! ABC Announces 2011 – 2012 Schedule

Here it is, folks, direct from the ABC Upfront Advertising Event, ABC’s 2011 – 2012 Primetime Programming Schedule (scroll down for complete schedule).  Please note, if you don’t see your favorite show from this season, recent cancellations have been covered here.

If you have any questions about other shows, post them below.

Some programming notes:

  • With all of the slashing and burning ABC has done over the last four days, they really haven’t put up much of an impressive schedule.  It’s heavy with reality and dramas that have a lot “familiar” (OK… recycled) themes to them.
  • ABC’s new strategy is apparently to become the Lifetime of the major Networks. Notice the heavily gyno-centric storylines and soaps.  The shows that do feature men prominently, portray them as emasculated and buffoonish. ABC, you suck enough already. Who is this going to appeal to?  Isn’t it enough that you completely emasculated Michael Chiklis in No Ordinary Family, turning Vic Mackie into Victoria Mackie?
  • These new comedies look terrible.
  • You’ll see the phrase “high-concept” appear regularly throughout these and other network’s show descriptions.  What this means is that audiences probably won’t like but ABC is going to blame that on the fact that you’re just too stupid to get it.
  • We see one maybe two new shows that look interesting, the rest looks pretty awful.
  • NOTE: you’ll notice that the Fall schedule is pretty thin for new shows considering that they picked up a dozen of them on Friday.  ABC has not released their midseason 2011 – 2012 schedule and won’t until December.  All of the new show descriptions for 2011 – 2012 are listed at below the schedule.   We’ll be doing a preview assessment on all of the new shows as well as providing trailers as soon as they are available.

ABC’S FALL 2011 SCHEDULE

Via Press Release:

MONDAY

8:00 p.m.             Dancing with the Stars

10:00 p.m.           Castle

TUESDAY

8:00 p.m.             Last Man Standing (NEW!)

8:30 p.m.             Man Up (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.             Dancing with the Stars the Results Show

10:00 p.m.           Body of Proof

WEDNESDAY

8:00 p.m.            The Middle

8:30 p.m.            Suburgatory (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.            Modern Family

9:30 p.m.            Happy Endings

10:00 p.m.          Revenge (NEW!)

THURSDAY

8:00 p.m.             Charlie’s Angels (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.             Grey’s Anatomy

10:00 p.m.           Private Practice

FRIDAY

8:00 p.m.              Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

9:00 p.m.              Shark Tank

10:00 p.m.            20/20

SATURDAY

8:00 p.m.              Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY

7:00 p.m.              America’s Funniest Home Videos

8:00 p.m.              Once Upon a Time (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.              Desperate Housewives

10:00 p.m.            Pan Am (NEW!)

ABC’S NEW SHOW DESCRIPTIONS: 

FALL

Last Man Standing:  Today it’s a woman’s world, and this man’s man is on a mission to get men back to their rightful place in society.

Tim Allen returns to ABC in this new comedy from Jack Burditt (“30 Rock”). Men may have built civilizations, invented the locomotive and created ESPN, but they’re about to find out that it’s not a man’s world anymore. You can’t get manlier than Mike Baxter. He’s the marketing director for an iconic outdoor sporting goods store, he loves to have adventures while he’s traveling for work and, of course, he drives a pick-up truck. While Mike is king of the hill at work, he’s the odd man out in a home that is dominated by women — namely his wife, Vanessa, and their three daughters, 22- year-old Kristin, 17-year-old Mandy and 14-year-old Eve. After being a stay-at-home mom for years, Vanessa recently returned to the workplace and was quickly promoted (much to the dismay of her primarily male co-workers). As a result of Vanessa’s increased work load, Mike is pulled into more hands-on parenting than ever before.

The show stars Tim Allen (“Home Improvement”) as Mike, Nancy Travis (“So I Married an Axe Murderer,” “Three Men and a Baby”) as Vanessa, Molly Ephraim as Mandy, Alexandra Krosney as Kristin, Kaitlyn Dever as Eve and Hector Elizondo (“Chicago Hope”) as Ed.

“Last Man Standing” was written by Jack Burditt (“30 Rock”), who also serves as executive producer with Tim Allen, Becky Clements, Marty Adelstein (“Prison Break”), Shawn Levy (“Night at the Museum”), Richard Baker (“The Santa Clause,” The Santa Clause 2”) and Rick Messina (“The Santa Clause,” The Santa Clause 2”). John Pasquin (“Home Improvement,” “The Santa Clause”) directed. “Last Man Standing” is from Twentieth Century Fox Television.

Man Up:  Three modern men try to get in touch with their inner tough guys and redefine what it means to be a “real man” in this funny and relatable comedy.

Will’s grandfather fought in WWII. Will’s father fought in Vietnam. Will plays Call of Duty on his PS3 and drinks non-dairy hazelnut creamer. So what happened to all the real men? They’re still here — they just smell like pomegranate body wash now. Meet Will (Mather Zickel). His evolved, sensitive nature is why his awesome wife, Theresa (Teri Polo), married him. But Will and his friends find themselves wondering — in a world of Axe ads and manscaping — what does it really mean to be a guy anymore? Will is more interested in finding the perfect gift for his son Nathan’s (Jake Johnson) 13th birthday than in doing his job selling insurance; sensitive soul Craig (Christopher Moynihan) still pines for his college ex, Lisa; and Kenny (Dan Fogler) clamps down on his anger and asks himself, “What would Tobey Maguire do?,” when his ex, Brenda (Amanda Detmer), starts seeing a guy (Henry Simmons) who is everything he’s not and much better looking. After Craig crashes Lisa’s wedding to try to win her back, they are all faced with an opportunity to Man Up and be like their forefathers.

The show stars Christopher Moynihan as Craig, Mather Zickel (“The Cape”) as Will, Dan Fogler (“Balls of Fury”) as Kenny, Teri Polo (“Meet the Fockers”) as Theresa, Amanda Detmer (“What About Brian”) as Brenda and Henry Simmons (“Shark”) as Grant.

“Man Up” comes from writer/executive producer/actor Christopher Moynihan (“100 Questions”), executive producer Victor Fresco (“Better off Ted”), Ron West and Kelly Kulchak of Tagline Television (Psych) and director Beth McCarthy-Miller (“SNL,” “30 Rock”). ”Man Up” is produced by ABC Studios.

Suburgatory: Single father George only wants the best for his 16-year-old daughter, Tessa. So when he finds a box of condoms on her nightstand, he moves them out of their apartment in New York City to a house in the suburbs. But all Tessa sees is the horror of over-manicured lawns and plastic Franken-moms. Being in the ‘burbs can be hell, but it also may just bring Tessa and George closer than they’ve ever been.

Tessa (Jane Levy) and George (Jeremy Sisto) have been on their own ever since Tessa’s mom pulled a “Kramer vs. Kramer” before she was even potty trained. So far, George has done a pretty good job of raising Tessa without a maternal figure in their lives, but suddenly he’s feeling a little out of his league. So it’s goodbye New York City and hello suburbs. At first Tessa is horrified by the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers and their sugar-free Red Bull-chugging kids. But little by little she and her dad begin finding a way to survive on the clean streets of the ‘burbs. Sure, the neighbors might smother you with love while their kids stare daggers at your back, but underneath all that plastic and caffeine, they’re really not half bad. And they do make a tasty pot roast.

The show stars Jeremy Sisto (“Law & Order”) as George Altman, Jane Levy (“Shameless”) as Tessa Altman, Carly Chaikin (“The Last Song”) as Dalia Royce, Allie Grant (“Weeds”) as Lisa, Alan Tudyk (“V”) as Noah Lerner and Cheryl Hines (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”) as Dallas Royce. Ana Gasteyer (“Saturday Night Live”) guest stars.

Emily Kapnek (“Hung”) writes and executive-produces this bitingly ironic single-camera comedy. “Suburgatory” was directed by Michael Fresco (“Raising Hope”), who also executive-produced the pilot. It is produced by Warner Bros. Television.

Revenge:  Wealth, beauty and status define the people in this town, but one woman is willing to destroy everyone for the sake of revenge.

Emily Thorne (Emily Van Camp) is new to the Hamptons. She’s met some of her wealthy neighbors, has made a few new friends and seemingly blends into the town. But something is a little odd about a young girl living in a wealthy town all on her own, and the truth is that Emily isn’t exactly new to the neighborhood. In fact, this was once her old neighborhood, until something bad happened that ruined her family and their reputation. Now Emily is back, and she’s returned to right some of those wrongs in the best way she knows how – with a vengeance.

“Revenge” stars Madeleine Stowe (“We Were Soldiers,” “The Last of the Mohicans”) as Victoria Grayson, Emily Van Camp (“Brothers & Sisters,” “Everwood”) as Emily Thorne, Gabriel Mann (“The Bourne Identity”) as Nolan Ross, Henry Czerny (“Mission: Impossible,” “Clear and Present Danger”) as Conrad Grayson, Ashley Madekwe (“Secret Diary of a Call Girl”) as Ashley Davenport, Nick Wechsler (“Roswell”) as Jack Porter, Josh Bowman (“Prowl”) as Daniel Grayson, Christa B. Allen (“13 Going on 30”) as Charlotte Grayson and Connor Paolo (“Gossip Girl”) as Declan Porter.

“Revenge” is written and executive-produced by Mike Kelley (“Swingtown”), along with executive producers Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey (“Twilight”). The pilot is directed and executive-produced by Phillip Noyce (“Salt”). “Revenge” is produced by ABC Studios.

Charlie’s AngelsEveryone deserves a second chance — even a thief, a street racer and a cop who got in a little too deep. After all, the three women who solve cases for their elusive boss, Charlie Townsend, are no saints. They’re angels… Charlie’s Angels.

Set in Miami, this fun, glamorous, action-packed take on the 1970s smash hit series introduces us to three new angels, all fearless detectives, head-turning beauties and close friends. There’s Abby (Rachael Taylor), a Park Avenue princess who became a world-class thief. Then there’s Kate (Annie Ilonzeh), a Miami cop who fell from grace, losing both her career and her fiancé. Finally there’s Gloria, a disgraced army lieutenant who has a way with explosives. When one of the angels’ missions ends in Gloria’s tragic death, Charlie persuades them to partner with Gloria’s childhood friend, Eve (Minka Kelly), a street racer with a mysterious past. They may not know each other yet, but one thing’s for sure — Abby, Kate and Eve will always have each others’ backs.

“Charlie’s Angels” stars Annie Ilonzeh (“General Hospital”) as Kate Prince, Minka Kelly (“Parenthood,” “Friday Night Lights”) as Eve, Rachael Taylor (“Grey’s Anatomy”) as Abby Sampson and Ramon Rodriguez (“The Wire,” “Daybreak”) as Bosley.

Written and executive-produced by Alfred Gough & Miles Millar (“Smallville”), “Charlie’s Angels” is also executive-produced by Drew Barrymore (“Charlie’s Angels” movies), Leonard Goldberg (the original “Charlie’s Angels”) and Nancy Juvonen (“Charlie’s Angels” movies). It’s directed and executive-produced by Marcos Siega (“Vampire Diaries,” “Dexter”). “Charlie’s Angels” is produced by Millar/Gough Ink, Flower Films and Panda Productions in association with Sony Pictures Television.

Once Upon A Time:  From the inventive minds of “Lost” executive producers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis comes a bold new imagining of the world, where fairy tales and the modern-day are about to collide.

And they all lived happily ever after – or so everyone was led to believe. Emma Swan knows how to take care of herself. She’s a 28-year-old bail bonds collector who’s been on her own ever since she was abandoned as a baby. But when the son she gave up years ago finds her, everything starts to change. Henry is now 10 years old and in desperate need of Emma’s help. He believes that Emma actually comes from an alternate world and is Snow White and Prince Charming’s missing daughter. According to his book of fairytales, they sent her away to protect her from the Evil Queen’s curse, which trapped the fairytale world forever, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world. Of course Emma doesn’t believe a word, but when she brings Henry back to Storybrooke, she finds herself drawn to this unusual boy and his strange New England town. Concerned for Henry, she decides to stay for a while, but she soon suspects that Storybrooke is more than it seems. It’s a place where magic has been forgotten, but is still powerfully close… where fairytale characters are alive, even though they don’t remember who they once were. The epic battle for the future of all worlds is beginning, but for good to win, Emma will have to accept her destiny and fight like hell.

“Once Upon a Time” stars Ginnifer Goodwin (“Big Love”) as Snow White/Sister Mary Margaret, Jennifer Morrison (“House MD”) as Emma Swan, Robert Carlyle (“The Full Monty,” “Trainspotting,” “SGU Stargate Universe”) as Rumplestiltskin/Mr. Gold, Lana Parrilla as Evil Queen/Regina, Jamie Dornan as Sheriff Graham, Jared Gilmore (“Mad Men”) as Henry, Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/John Doe and Raphael Sbarge as Jiminy Cricket/Archie.

“Once Upon a Time” was written by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, who are also executive producers, along with Steve Pearlman (ABC’s “V”). The pilot is directed and executive-produced by Mark Mylod (“Entourage”). “Once Upon a Time” is from ABC Studios.

Pan Am:  Passion, jealousy and espionage… They do it all – and they do it at 30,000 feet. The style of the 1960s, the energy and excitement of the Jet Age and a drama full of sexy entanglements deliciously mesh in this thrilling and highly-original new series.

In this modern world, air travel represents the height of luxury and Pan Am is the biggest name in the business. The planes are glamorous, the pilots are rock stars and the stewardesses are the most desirable women in the world. Not only are these flyboys and girls young and good looking, but to represent Pan Am they also have to be educated, cultured and refined. They’re trained to handle everything from in-air emergencies to unwanted advances – all without rumpling their pristine uniforms or mussing their hair. There’s Dean (Jonah Lotan) – a cocky, charismatic and ambitious new pilot – the first of a new breed not trained in the war. On the sly against company policy, he’s dating Bridget, a stunning beauty with a mysterious past. A rebellious bohemian, Maggie (Christina Ricci) turns into a buttoned up professional for work so she can see the world. Rounding out the crew are flirtatious Collette (Karine Vanasse), the adventurous Kate (Kelli Garner) and, finally, Laura (Margot Robbie) – Kate’s beauty queen younger sister, a runaway bride, who recently fled a life of domestic boredom to take to the skies.

“Pan Am” stars Christina Ricci (“Penelope”) as Maggie, Kelli Garner (“Going the Distance”) as Kate, Karine Vanasse (“Polytechnique”) as Colette, Margot Robbie (“Neighbours”) as Laura, Jonah Lotan (“24”) as Dean and Michael Mosley (“Justified”) as Ted.

Jack Orman (“ER,” “Men of a Certain Age,”), Tommy Schlamme (“The West Wing,” “Parenthood,”

“Mr. Sunshine”) and Nancy Hult Ganis (“Akeelah and the Bee”) are the executive producers of “Pan Am.” Orman is also the writer, with Schlamme directing. “Pan Am” is produced by Jack Orman Productions, Out of the Blue Entertainment and Shoe Money Productions in association with Sony Pictures Television.

MIDSEASON

Good Christian Belles:  The soap returns to Dallas in this wicked new drama that shows that you can go home again… but only if you’re ready to face the sins of your past.

Amanda Vaughn (Leslie Bibb), once the ultimate high school “mean girl,” is forced to return home in disgrace after her marriage ends in scandal. Amanda is nothing like the girl she was 20 years ago, but as her old classmates reacquaint themselves with the new Amanda, will her home town welcome her with open arms or seek revenge? No one in this town is a saint, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a heart. As Amanda and her teenage kids try to adjust to their new lives, the ladies from her past alternate between sympathy and scheming.

“Good Christian Belles” stars Leslie Bibb (“Iron Man”) as Amanda Vaughn, Kristin Chenoweth (“Pushing Daisies”) as Carlene Cockburn, Annie Potts (“Law And Order: Special Victims Unit,” “Joan of Arcadia”) as Gigi Stopper, Jennifer Aspen (“Rodney”) as Sharon Peacham, Miriam Shor (“Swingtown” “Damages”) as Cricket Caruth-Reilly, Marisol Nichols (“24”) as Heather Cruz, Brad Beyer (“Jericho”) as Zack Peacham, Mark Deklin (“Lone Star”) as Blake Reilly and David James Elliott (“JAG”) as Ripp Cockburn.

Based on Kim Gatlin’s hit book, Good Christian Bitches, “Good Christian Belles” is executive-produced by Darren Star (“Sex and the City”), Robert Harling (“Steel Magnolias”) and Aaron Kaplan. The pilot is written by Robert Harling and executive-produced and directed by Alan Poul. “Good Christian Belles” is produced by ABC Studios.

Missing: Becca Winstone (Ashley Judd) learns that her son, Michael, disappears while studying abroad, and it’s a race against time when she travels to Europe to track him down. A surprising turn of events reveals just how far one mother will go to protect her family. Exotic locations and thrilling twists will keep you riveted in “Missing.”

How far would you go to save the only thing you have left in the world? At 8 years old, Michael watched as his father, CIA Agent Paul Winstone, was murdered. Now 10 years later, Paul’s wife, Becca, is faced with the reality of her son growing up. When Michael is afforded the opportunity to study abroad, his mother reluctantly agrees it’s time to let him go. Just a few weeks into his trip Michael disappears, and Becca immediately suspects foul play. When she arrives in Rome, she begins piecing together the clues left behind. It isn’t long before the kidnappers realize they’ve picked a fight with the wrong woman. Becca Winstone has a secret of her own — before Paul’s death, she was also a lethal CIA Agent. But if she wants to find her son alive, Becca will have to rely on old friends and reopen old wounds. Her resourcefulness, skill and determination will be put to the test – but a mother’s love knows no limits.

“Missing” stars Ashley Judd (“Double Jeopardy,” “Kiss the Girls”) as Becca Winstone, Sean Bean (“Game Of Thrones”) as Paul Winstone, Cliff Curtis (“Trauma”) as Dax, Adriano Giannini (“Oceans Twelve”) as Giancarlo, Nick Eversman (“Cinema Verite”) as Michael Winstone and Tereza Voriskova (“Borgia”) as Oksana.

“Missing” comes from writer Gregory Poirier (“National Treasure: Book of Secrets”) and executive producers Gina Matthews, Grant Scharbo (“The Gates”), Steve Shill (Emmy winner for directing “Dexter” who will direct episodes of “Missing”) and James Parriott (“Sons Of Anarchy”). “Missing” is produced by Stillking Films.

The River:  “The River” follows the story of wildlife expert and TV personality Emmet Cole. Emmet set course around the world with his wife, Tess, and son, Lincoln, while filming what would become one of the most popular shows in television. After he goes missing deep in the Amazon, his family, friends and crew set out on a mysterious and deadly journey to find him.

Famed explorer Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) went looking for magic deep in the uncharted Amazon and never returned. The shocking truth about his disappearance is out there, somewhere, just waiting to be discovered. To the millions of kids who grew up watching his nature show, Dr. Cole was a hero. To his own son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson), he was more of an enigma. Now, six months after he vanished, Lincoln is finally ready to bury the past when Dr. Cole’s emergency beacon suddenly goes off. At the urging of his mother, Tess (Leslie Hope), Lincoln reluctantly joins her on a search for his father. To fund the rescue, they agree to let Dr. Cole’s cagey ex-producer, Clark (Paul Blackthorne), film the mission documentary-style. The mixed crew of old friends and new acquaintances includes the sexy and resourceful Lena (Eloise Mumford), loyal mechanic Emilio (Daniel Zacapa) and lethal bodyguard Captain Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann).

“The River” stars Bruce Greenwood (“Star Trek”) as Emmet Cole, Joe Anderson (“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Parts 1 and 2”) as Lincoln Cole, Paul Blackthorne (“Lipstick Jungle”) as Clark, Paulina Gaitan as Jahel, Leslie Hope (“24”) as Tess Cole, Eloise Mumford (“Lone Star”) as Lena, Shaun Parkes (“The Mummy Returns”) as Adjay, Thomas Kretschmann (“King Kong”) as Captain Kurt Brynildson and Daniel Zacapa (“Resurrection Blvd.”) as Emilio.

“The River,” from Amblin’s Steven Spielberg, Daryl Frank and Justin Falvey, showrunner/executive producer Michael Green (“Heroes,” “Kings”), is also executive-produced by Oren Peli (creator of “Paranormal Activity”), Zack Estrin, Jason Blum and Steven Schneider. Teleplay by Michael R. Perry and Michael Green, story by Oren Peli & Michael R. Perry and Michael Green. The pilot is directed by Jaume Collet-Serra and produced by ABC Studios.

Scandal:  From the creator and executive producers of “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Private Practice” comes a drama revolving around the life and work of a professional crisis manager and her dysfunctional staff.

A former media relations consultant to the President, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) dedicates her life to protecting and defending the public images of our nation’s elite. After leaving the White House, the power consultant opened her own firm, hoping to start a new chapter — both professionally and personally — but she can’t seem to completely cut ties with her past. Slowly it becomes apparent that her staff, who specialize in fixing the lives of other people, can’t quite fix the ones closest at hand — their own.

“Scandal” stars Kerry Washington (“Ray”) as Olivia Pope, Henry Ian Cusick (“Lost”) as Stephen Finch, Columbus Short (“Stomp the Yard”) as Harrison Wright, Guillermo Diaz (“Half-Baked”) as Huck, Darby Stanchfield as Abby Whelan, Katie Lowes as Quinn Perkins, Tony Goldwyn (“Ghost”) as President Fitzgerald Grant and Jeff Perry (“Grey’s Anatomy”) as Cyrus.

“Scandal” was written by Shonda Rhimes (“Grey’s Anatomy,” “Private Practice”). Rhimes and Betsy Beers (“Grey’s Anatomy,” “Private Practice”) are executive producers. Paul McGuigan is the director. “Scandal” is produced by ABC Studios.

Apartment 23:  After a naïve Midwestern girl’s big city dreams are dashed her first week in New York, she finds herself living with her worst nightmare in this hilarious, contemporary comedy about a female odd couple who are surrounded by an outrageous cast of characters.

June (Dreama Walker) moves to Manhattan for a dream job and the perfect company apartment, only to have them disappear in a puff of reality, thanks to a CEO from the Bernie Madoff school of embezzlement. Deep in debt and out on the streets, June scrambles to land a job and place to live. It seems her luck has turned around when she gets hired at a coffee shop and finds Chloe (Krysten Ritter), a charming, vivacious roommate… with the morals of a pirate. She swindles June out of all her savings, but she and her snarky friend, James Van Der Beek (playing himself), soon learn that, just because June’s naïve, she isn’t stupid. June ingeniously turns the tables on Chloe, who is so shocked about being scammed herself that she decides to pull June into her colorful band of friends. Sure, it’s all dysfunctional, bizarre and overwhelming, but so is New York City. And with the help of Chloe and the other oddballs around her, June might just learn the survival secrets she needs to make it there.

“Apartment 23” stars Krysten Ritter (“Breaking Bad,” “Gilmore Girls”) as Chloe, Dreama Walker (“The Good Wife,” “Gossip Girl”) as June, Eric André as Mark, Michael Blaiklock as Eli and James Van Der Beek (“Varsity Blues,” “Dawson’s Creek”) as James Van Der Beek.

Created and written by Nahnatchka Kahn (“American Dad”), “Apartment 23” is executive-produced by Kahn, Jason Winer (“Modern Family”), Dave Hemingson (“American Dad,” “How I Met Your Mother”) and Jeff Morton (“Modern Family”). Winer is also the director. “Apartment 23” is a production of 20th Century Fox Television.

Work It:  This high-concept comedy centers on two unrepentant guy’s guys who, unable to find work, dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. Not only do they pull it off, but they might just learn to be better men in the process.

With unemployment an ongoing issue and women now outnumbering men in the workforce, the new comedy series “Work It” follows two alpha males who realize the only way to beat the current “mancession” and land a job in pharmaceutical sales is to pass themselves off as women. Combining all the best elements of the workplace comedy, the buddy comedy and the family comedy, “Work It” centers on Lee Standish (Ben Koldyke) — a quick-witted and likable family man who used to be a top car salesman until he got laid off — and Angel Ortiz (Amaury Nolasco) — a single, hot-headed ladies’ man with no filter — who quickly learn there are fundamental differences in the worlds of men and women that go beyond teetering in high heels and tightening up with Spanx. Lee and Angel are determined to keep their ruse going for as long as they can — and keep their newly found jobs — in this smart, funny and relevant look at male and female relationships at work, at home and socially. Being a better man sometimes means having to be a better woman.

The show stars Ben Koldyke (“How I Met Your Mother”) as Lee, Amaury Nolasco (“Prison Break”) as Angel, Beth Lacke (“Happy Hour”) as Connie, John Caparulo (“Chelsea Lately”) as Brian, Rebecca Mader (“Lost”) as Grace, Rochelle Aytes (“Detroit 1-8-7”) as Vanessa, Kate Reinders (“Sherrie”) as Kelly, Kirstin Eggers (“Aussie and Ted’s Great Adventure”) as Kristin and Kacie Lynch (“Barney and Friends”) as Kat.

“Work It” was written by Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen (“Friends,” “Rules of Engagement”). Reich and Cohen are the executive producers. Beth McCarthy Miller (“Saturday Night Live,” “30 Rock”) is the director. “Work It” is produced by Bonanza Productions, Inc. in association with Summer School Productions and Warner Bros. Television.

100th Post! ABC Cancels V, Brothers And Sisters & 5 More Shows, Renews Body of Proof, Happy Endings, Picks Up Charlie’s Angels, 11 More…

It’s our 100th Post, Yay!

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that ABC went mad-crazy on Friday dumping seven shows including five freshman shows, renewing two and picking up a whopping twelve new scripted shows, all in advance of tomorrow’s upfront advertising event where they’ll announce their schedule for the 2011 – 2012 season.

Canceled:

VThe phrase “no surprise here” is really a running theme with all of these canceled shows on ABC but never is it more appropriate than for V. V was phenomenal in its first season but by the third episode of the second season, it had become one of the most ridiculous and embarrassing SciFi shows ever produced.  Fans will of course blame ABC for how they scheduled, this is nonsense.  The show turned and we’ve actually been working on a remedial course that will published i na couple of weeks for folks who don’t understand why V was so damned ridiculous.  We’re not saying that we’re happy about its departure, but we sure as Hell understand why it was canceled and make no doubt about it, it deserved to be canceled.

Detroit 1-8-7This is a very sad, albeit necessary cancellation.  D-187 was one of the best police procedurals in recent memory and we were sure it was going to be terrible.  It’s unfortunate that it couldn’t find an audience.  Again, the writing for this show was on the wall since November 2010.

No Ordinary Family*sigh*  What’s unfortunate about this cancellation is how much potential this series had and how it completely fell off the rails.  The show became less about superheroes and more about this dysfunctional family and wore thin very quickly.  Not to mention, Jim Powell (Michael Chiklis) is the probably the most emasculated male lead character in the history of television.

Off the Map:  We got through twenty minutes of the pilot, to turn it off.  Terrible writing, terrible acting and just complete and utter tripe.  It’s nothing but typical recycled procedural crap.  Good-bye, you won’t be missed. We hated this show so much, we couldn’t bring ourselves to do a review on it.  Fortunately, Off the Map is off the map.

Mr. SunshineWe actually forced ourselves to sit through two episodes of this mess. This was a very poor rip-off if 30 Rock was one of the worst shows we’ve seen this season.  It was nothing ut really bad recycled jokes, recycled characters and recycled plotlines.  Good Riddance.  Maybe it will be another decade before we’ll have to be subjected to Matthew Perry again. What?  We can’t be the only ones who thinks Friends is one of the worst pieces of crap shows ever made.

Better With You:  We made it through three episodes and the last two minutes of every episode that wound up on our DVR recordings of Modern Family.  This may be one of the worst shows ever made next to $#*! My Dad Says.  There was nothing funny about this and it abused every sitcom cliché from the last 50 years of television and it made us angry that the producers had such a low opinion of their audience.

Brothers and Sisters:  We have no problem with this show and in fact we’ve never watched it but we understand that it had a loyal following (Little Sister ‘Tastic was a big fan).  The problem was that viewership had been steadily declining and once you get past the fifth season, if the ratings aren’t there to justify higher ad-revenues it’s impossible to keep a show because at this point the production costs (including cast salaried) increase dramatically.

Renewed:

Body of ProofWe don’t understand the appeal of this show, but then again we don’t understand the appeal of all safe procedurals.  This show really particularly stupid, with dopey and recycled premises and really bad dialogue.  But, alas, what do we know as audiences seem to love it.

Happy Endings:  We have to be honest, we haven’t had time to watch this show but it does look very funny and it does have strong critical buzz surrounding it so we’re looking forward to watching it over the summer and reviewing it.  Part of the reason we didn’t put it to the front of our schedule is that based on the ratings, we weren’t expecting it to be renewed.  Good for them!

Picked Up (We’ll be providing our assessments of the new shows shortly after the schedule announcement is made on Tuesday):

Charlie’s Angels:  A modern take on the 1970s series starring Annie Ilonzeh (Melrose Place), Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights, Parenthood) and Rachael Taylor (Grey’s Anatomy) as Charlie’s (Robert Wagner) new Angels. The Miami-set drama, from Sony Pictures Television, is written by Smallville duo Alfred Gough and Miles Millar and produced by Nancy Juvonen (Whip It), Leonard Goldberg (the Charlie’s Angels features) and Drew Barrymore, who appeared in the big-screen reboot. Marcos Siega (The Vampire Diaries) directed the pilot.

Last Man Standing: The project centers on the former Home Improvement star, who is fighting for his manhood in a world increasingly dominated by women. Nancy Travis (So I Married an Axe Murderer) co-stars in the multicamera comedy from 20th Television. Jack Burditt (30 Rock) penned the pilot, with Marty Adelstein (Prison Break), Becky Clements and Shawn Levy (Date Night) on board as producers. Insiders believe the mutlicam Allen vehicle, which has had “lock” status for weeks, will launch a second ABC comedy block, likely on Tuesdays (Improvement‘s old stomping ground).

Pan Am: From Sony, the sexy soap set in the 1960s focuses on stewardesses and pilots, some of whom live double lives as spies. Christina Ricci stars in her first series regular role in the drama written and produced by Jack Orman (ER). Also producing are Sid Ganis, Nancy Hult Ganis and Thomas Schlamme (The West Wing), who helmed the pilot.

Apartment 23: The a single-camera comedy from 20th TV centers on a Midwestern girl (Dreama Walker, The Good Wife) whose big-city dreams are dashed after her first week in New York, where she finds herself living with her worst nightmare (Krysten Ritter, Breaking Bad). James Van Der Beek (Dawson’s Creek) co-stars as himself in his first series comedy role. Nahnatchka Khan (American Dad) and Dave Hemingson (Traffic Light) penned the pilot and will produce along with Jeffrey Morton (Traffic Light). Jason Winer (Modern Family) helmed the pilot.

Good Christian Belles (formerly Good Christian Bitches): The soap revolves around a former high school “mean girl” (Leslie Bibb, Popular) who returns home to Dallas after her marriage ends in scandal. The series, from ABC Studios, also stars Kristin Chenoweth (Glee) and Annie Potts (Designing Women). Robert Harling(Laws of Attraction), who penned the pilot, produces alongside Darren Star (Sex and the City) and Aaron Kaplan. Alan Poul (Six Feet Under) directed the pilot. The series is based on the book by Kim Gatlin.

Revenge: The Count of Monte Cristo-inspired soap from Mike Kelley (Swingtown), centers on a woman (Emily VanCamp, Brothers and Sisters) who moves to the Hamptons. The ABC Studios pilot, which was directed by Phillip Noyce, counts Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey as executive producers.

Once Upon a Time: A fantasy drama that revolves around a woman (Jennifer Morrison, How I Met Your Mother) who, after a boy who claims to be her son shows up, is drawn into a town where fairy tales might be real. Ginnifer Goodwin (Big Love) co-stars as Snow White in a cast that also includes Robert Carlyle (Stargate Universe) and Josh Dallas (Thor) as Prince Charming.Lost’s Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz penned the pilot and will produce alongside Steve Pearlman (V) and Mark Mylod (Shameless), who directed the pilot from ABC’s sister studio.

Scandal (formerly Damage Control): The drama revolves around the life and work of a professional fixer (Kerry Washington) and her staff. Lost’s Henry Ian Cusick co-stars as her right-hand man and Tony Goldwyn plays the president. It is based on the career of crisis management consultant Judy Smith, who serves alongside producers including Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice) and Betsy Beers (Grey’s Anatomy). From ABC Studios, the pilot was directed by Paul McGuigan (Lucky Number Slevin).

The River: A stylized project that follows a crew through the Amazon in search of a missing adventurer. Eloise Mumford (Lone Star) stars in the ABC Studios drama written by Michael Green (Kings) and Michael R. Perry (Persons Unknown). Executive producers include Oren Peliand Jason Blum (Paranormal Activity), Darryl Frank and Justin Falvey (United States of Tara), Zack Estrin (No Ordinary Family) and Steven Schneider (Paranormal Activity). Jaume Collet-Serra directed the pilot, which was shot in Puerto Rico.

Work It: The cross-dressing comedy from Warner Bros. TV and Andrew Reich and Ted Cohen(Friends), revolves around two out-of-work car salesmen (Amaury Nolasco, Ben Koldyke) who dress as women in order to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. Beth McCarthy Miller directed the pilot.

Suburgatory: The project stars Jane Levy as a New Yorker who moves to a cookie-cutter community and discovers that the suburbs is more frightening than any horror movie she’s seen. Jeremy Sisto (Law & Order), Alan Tudyk (Firefly) and Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm) co-star. The single-camera comedy from Warner Bros. TV was written by Emily Kapnek (Hung, Parks and Recreation), with the pilot directed by Mike Fresco (Raising Hope, Better Off Ted).

Man Up: The single-camera comedy from ABC Studios and Chris Moynihan (Coupling) is a look at what it takes to survive as a modern man, as told through the eyes of three best friends and the women in their lives.

Bob’s Burgers Renewed For A Second Season? House & Bones May Be Leaving FOX? Where’s Terra Nova? What’s Going On Over There? (Part Two)

FOX: Where We Dont Suck As Much As We Used To

Hi, folks. Thanks for coming back for part two of this very special feature on FOX where Blossom ponders losing her virginity, yet again. No, no, no, obviously we’re going to talk about FOX’s recent surprising schedule moves and what we think is going on over there. Yesterday, of course, we reported on the renewal of Bob’s Burgers for a second season and left our readers with a cliffhanger as to the significance of this renewal for the network as a whole and why we are actually pleased about the renewal despite that we don’t like the show.  So now it’s time to explain why and we’ll bring you back to when we fist heard about FOX moving Fringe to Friday nights.

It Took Five Years For "The Show About Nothing" to Become a Hit.

As noted by our two pieces on Fringe‘s move to Friday (here and here) we’ve been very critical of FOX’s history of jumping ship on shows (especially new shows) that have had a run of, not even horrible, but average to mediocre ratings.  Seriously, c’mon, FOX… Seinfeld wasn’t immediately a hit.  It wasn’t even in the top 30 for its first three seasons and in its fourth season it was #25.

Fringe... Cooler Than You and Back in Fall 2011 For Season 4.

Anyway, in these pieces, we also expressed our skepticism with FOX’s stated commitment in the past to fan-favorite shows and of course this directly related to their campaign in January expressing the same commitment to Fringe.  But, then, a few weeks ago, Virginia found out that there is indeed a Santa Claus and the announcement was made that Fringe not only had been renewed for a fourth season, but it was given a full season order… in March. We speculated as to why this occurred as EVERYONE, including us, assumed that after the ratings decline, the move to Friday and of course, FOX’s history, this show was destined for Cancellationville.

And of course, there is American Dad, a show that FOX execs have not historically supported and have been trying to replace for years and it got renewed for a seventh season… in February, again with a full season order of 22 episodes, no less.

Yes, Indeed... NBC May Be Very Happy, Very Soon.

When we heard the announcement about Fringe, we speculated as to the many reasons it may have been spared cancellation but came to the conclusion that we really didn’t care, we were just happy that the show was saved.  But now, we’re hearing that FOX is on the verge of losing House, as well.

The network remains in last-minute negotiations with Universal Media Studios, which owns the series, in hopes of signing a new deal for an eighth season. The two sides are far apart in determining the percentage each will pay for the show’s costs.

UMS, owned by NBCUniversal, has given Fox an extension on the window of negotiation exclusivity. That ends Friday. If the two sides can’t come to an agreement, UMS will offer the show to competing networks including, of course, the Peacock, which would likely be more than happy to take the series away from Fox.

So thanks to all of these developments, we’ve been dragged into the speculation game and we’re guessing that there are several issues at play here:

This Never Happened

First, FOX has some serious issues with original scripted program scheduling coming this Fall and this is just based on what we know.  Four new shows from 2010 – 2011 have already been canceled (Running WildeThe Good GuysSons of Tuscon and Lone Starand Traffic Light is certain to be canceled by May 16th.  So, that’s five down right there (and chances for The Chicago Code being renewed for a second season seem to be getting slimmer by the day) and Human Target and Lie To Me are more likely to be cancelled than not.  Add to that the fact that as of this posting  FOX hasn’t been able to come to a deal to keep the perennial hits Bones and (as earlier noted) House (the deadline for a deal for House was last Friday), the network faces potentially being down nine scripted programs from 2010 – 2011 (Even though we are still trying to forget about Sons of Tuscon as if it never existed, and of course we aren’t counting 24 which was at the end of its run).

"Holy sh*t! How the f**k are we still on the air???"

And here’s the thing about House: Universal may not come to a deal intentionally and may just turn House over to NBC who is desperate for a strong scripted drama, or strong scripted anything at this point.  Whereas FOX axed four of their new shows (with a fifth coming for sure), NBC has axed five of their new shows with at least a sixth certain to be on the way out the door (Sorry, but as much as The Event has improved by following what we suggested it needed to do, it was too little, too late…so, adiós!). Let’s also not forget Chuck, which is on its way out the door as well.  It’s so bad at NBC that less-than-positive performers such as Law & Order: Los Angeles and Harry’s Law are almost guaranteed to be renewed because, well, frankly, theyz gots nothin’ else and they certainly don’t have American Idol or Simon Cowell’s new series, The X-Factorthat is destined to be a ratings juggernaut, so at the end of the day, NBC is in way worse shape than FOX. So, here’s our bold prediction: House will be on NBC come Fall 2011 and a deal with Bones (in desperation) will be made and it will return to FOX.

"Oh look. We're still on FOX."

But the effects of losing House on FOX will be devastating and even if they keep Bones, that show has seen a sharp decline in ratings over the past two season which means there will be only one truly strong live-action veteran scripted show and that would be Glee. Can FOX really be comfortable going into the new Fall season with the The Animation Domination Block, GleeThe X-Factor and American Idol being the only programming that is guaranteed to be stable?  We don’t think they possibly could be satisfied with that situation.

So taking this a step further, based on what we know for sure about the Fall schedule and the three shows that were renewed – not only unexpectedly but early, as well – (Fringe, American Dad and now Bob’s Burgers), here’s what we think is going on and it crossed our minds when we first heard about Fringe‘s renewal:  FOX is not just uncomfortable with the new scripted programing they have ordered for Fall 2011, they’re downright nervous and they expected to have had more success with their new shows from 2010 – 2011.  They also certainly didn’t expect the possibility of looking at Fall 2011 with no House and to a lesser extent no Bones.

Terra Nova: Allegedly to debut in Fall 2011... Hmmmm.

This brings us to the Stephen Spielberg and Amblin Entertainment produced, epic Sci-Fi series, Terra Nova, which as we noted when we reported Fringe‘s renewal, has been delayed yet again and is set to debut in Fall 2011.  There are some serious issues with Terra Nova that we think FOX is starting to get as concerned about as we are. First, the delays are insane and we are not confident at all that it will debut in the Fall as promised.  Second, Terra Nova may be the most expensive show in history with the first two episodes alone costing $16 million and whereas the average episode of scripted drama costs $2.5 million, Terra Nova per episode cost will come in at $4 million and the show is rife with rumors of cost overruns although the producers deny this.

Terra Nova: This Is NOT a Sci-Fi Show And That Is Not A Time Portal!

Third, this is the biggest risk that FOX has ever taken on any series, nevertheless a Sci-Fi series, in an era where epic Sci-Fi is DEAD on network television. And we’re sure that it doesn’t help when veteran television Sci-Fi  writer and producer Brannon Braga (Star Trek: The Next GenerationStar Trek: Voyager, and Star Trek: Enterprise) who is exec. producing/writing Terra Nova is doing the “pay-no-attention-to-the-man-behind-the-curtain” Great and Powerful Oz routine denying the fact that it is indeed a Sci-Fi series when you’d have to be blind not to see it:

Terra Nova, according to Brannon Braga.

But it’s not a sci-fi show.

“It’s really about this frontier family trying to survive,”

From iMDB:

Centers on the Shannons, an ordinary family from 2149 when the planet is dying who are transported back 85 million years to prehistoric Earth where they join Terra Nova, a colony of humans with a second chance to build a civilization.

Still Not a Sci-Fi Show.

No, there’s absolutely nothing Sci-Fi about that premise at all.  It’s just like Little House on the Prairie… but with time travel… and dinosaurs… and automatic weapons… with lasers.

So, if we go with the premise that FOX isn’t really sure whether or not Terra Nova is going to actually debut on the Fall 2011 schedule as planned and it finally occurred to them that this kind of Sci-Fi is highly questionable for network television and of course there’s the issue of the costs involved, we can come to only one conclusion: FOX is worried that they aren’t going to have much going on this Fall, Monday through Friday, other than Glee and The X-Factor and they’ve decided that keeping some of these shows that have established, stabilized audiences even though they’ve seen ratings drops, may be their only option.  For goodness’ sake, and we cannot stress this enough, they saved three shows that everyone expected to be canceled, and again, this is FOX we’re talking about.

We alluded to this theory yesterday, in part one, our commentary on the Bob’s Burgers renewal:

We think FOX is starting to realize that it may be better for them to deal with the devil that they know as opposed to the one they don’t…

FOXs Money Printing Presses That May Keep Your Favorite Shows On The Air

So, that’s where we think all of this is going and in our opinion, this is nothing but a positive turn of events.  FOX has lived very well over the past decade with their scripted programming, reality program and sports.  If new show, “A” didn’t work out as well or as quickly as they had hoped, they’d just dump it and replace it with new show “B” and if that didn’t work out they’d replace it with  show “C” and so on and they’d usually find gold eventually.  But let’s be honest about this; the crop of decent scripted shows out there over the past couple of years on ALL of the networks has been thin to say the least. So considering the lack of quality, sustainable shows, all the losses in shows that they’ve had in the past year,  the possible losses of their perennial hits to other networks, and a questionable Fall 2011 lineup, it appears that FOX execs have been forced to put on the big boy pants and change their strategy so that they have something that’s at least slightly stable in their lineup, and will actually work to build up those shows by subsidizing them with their juggernauts, particularly American Idol and The X-Factor.

If Only It Had Debuted In Fall 2009!

Now, although FOX may not be particularly happy about taking this approach (because of course, everyone likes the quick and easy buck), all of these developments and this new approach is nothing but positive for viewers and fans of the many quality scripted programs that FOX does have to offer, but probably wouldn’t have been given an opportunity like this if this was, oh, say, two or three years ago.   Heck, we suspect that if Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles were in its second season in 2011 instead of in 2009, it already would have been renewed for a third season by now.

This...

And this is EXACTLY why we are so happy about Bob’s Burgers being picked up for a second season (as much as we dislike it) because it’s show number four that was not only renewed by FOX but picked up early when no one expected it to be. This in turn gives up hope for the remaining three likely to be canceled shows, Lie to Me, Human Target and The Chicago Code.  We can almost guarantee that FOX will not cancel all three of these shows, in fact, they may only cancel one of them but we are going to go with the premise, based on everything we’ve laid out over the past two days that they will keep at least one of them and we think it will be a toss-up between Lie to Me and Human Target.

... Or This?

Don’t get us wrong, we love The Chicago Code and we don’t particularly like the clichéd and predictable Lie to Me but we have to be objective about this.  If FOX or any other network is going to pick up an underperforming show to keep for another season, they are going to pick one that has an established audience for at least a couple of seasons over a mid-season replacement that hasn’t been able to find any stability with their audience.  The fact that The Chicago Code is a serial doesn’t help its chances of gaining a stable audience a season later, either.  Now, obviously, Bob’s Burgers doesn’t have a multiple-season established audience BUT it did have the highest ratings of any new show premiere of the season and its audience numbers, though not great, have stabilized and it does have very strong lead-ins and lead-outs with The Simpsons and Family Guy, respectively, whereas The Chicago Code dos not.

So there you have it.  Our wild speculation on why the big change in strategy at FOX.  You can take it for what it’s worth, and call us crazy but do the research for yourself and see if you come to any other conclusions because we’d love to hear your take.   Remember folks, May 16th is the big day for FOX.  That’s when we find out who’s going and who’s staying.

‘Fringe’ Moves to Friday Nights: FOX Pledges Full Support. Don’t Be Fooled. Fans Need To Read This.

If you haven’t heard already, Fox has moved the J.J. Abrams fan-favorite Sci Fi thriller, Fringe,  from the Thursday at 9:00 p.m. slot to the dreaded Friday at 9:00 p.m. slot.  Now as much as we here at The ‘Tastic love Fringe (to the point where we consider it to be one of the top five shows on television), we weren’t necessarily surprised by this because as we’ve pointed out, FOX pisses their pants every time they see a ratings drop.

We also noted that while the other major networks are starting to take Friday nights seriously once again,  FOX has decidedly NOT taken this approach, designating the night for reality shows and as a dumping ground for shows that haven’t done as well as they had hoped which is usually the fault of FOX to begin with (see: The Good Guys for the most recent example of this and our analysis here).  So, we’ve come to accept that no show is ever safe on FOX and that without fail, if a show is designated for Friday night it will not be renewed at the end of the season or if it is, it will wither pretty quickly the following season.  Now, with Fringe, there’s been a bit of a twist in this whole saga this week, which we’ll get to shortly, but first, it is necessary to address a fact of life that we’ve really been holding off on admitting for a long time but here it is:

FOX is an awful network and quite possibly the worst network ever… period.  End of discussion.  FOX is worse than The CW and it may possibly be worse than UPN or The WB ever was.  The network is poorly run, they make terrible, amateurish decisions regarding their programming, they have absolutely no idea how to market quality programming in order to pique interest and they don’t give shows a chance to build an audience or even maintain a modest one.  We will remind you that this is the same network that canceled Family Guy and the only reason it came back after a three-year hiatus is because The Cartoon Network aired the 49 episodes it had acquired the syndication rights to at 11:00 p.m. nightly and it gave THAT network the highest ratings in its history.  So, to make this clear, a show FOX cancelled after only 49 episodes put another network on the map when they aired them… at 11:00 p.m.

The only reason FOX has had any success is because they have had a handful of successful shows that they have MILKED TO DEATH.  Here’s the thing about that: a successful show should be able to give a network a lot of leeway with their programming and give a lot of other shows a chance to build an audience and become successful.  What this means is that a show, for example, such as American Idol, can make enough money to basically support the growth of shows that are critically acclaimed however struggle in the ratings.  This is not a new concept in either film or cinema.

Think of it like this: why do major studios invest money in relatively low-budget films with little-to-no anticipated payoff?  Well, that’s because the film industry although motivated by profit like any other industry, still sees the value in the art they produce for the sake of the art itself and they believe that every now and then, the quality of the art for art’s sake may just turn into gold.  A prime example of this is Paranormal Activity which Paramount/Dreamworks picked up the rights to for $300,000.  Why would a major studio throw $300,000 away on a low-budget ($15,000), genre film that had little-to-no chance of making them any money?  Well, first, because Stephen Spielberg REALLLLLLY liked it and second (and probably more importantly), because between G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Star Trek, Paramount grossed $1.5 billion domestically at the box office in 2009 on just those three films. So what it comes down to is that studios can afford to take more risks when they have money makers like that.  Of course, with Paranormal Activity, that risk paid off nicely, grossing $194 million globally.  Not a bad bet for a lousy $300,000, eh?

The same principle applies to television and even FOX has actually had success with this principle when they’ve applied it but they’ve only attempted it once and that was with 24 and that was nearly a decade ago.  They stuck with that show early on despite the fact that the ratings had slipped in the first season and they even used American Idol as the lead-in and it worked.

FOX simply has no foresight or vision when it comes to the potential value of good TV, despite slipping ratings and quite frankly they are missing a much bigger point and that is that due to their 20 year history of reckless programming decisions, generally speaking, audiences don’t want to give FOX a chance any more when it comes to scripted programming.  Why would they bother to ever consider getting invested in a scripted show on FOX when it’s more than likely not going to last for any significant amount of time?  It’s a vicious cycle.  FOX cancels shows (or dumps them into Friday) because the ratings slide, the ratings slide because the audiences don’t have any faith that FOX won’t cancel their show.

Now, back to the big twist in the news this week regarding the moving of Fringe to Friday…

Last week a whole bunch of blogs and entertainment news sites a lot more reputable than The ‘Tastic all had basically the same thing to say about the move.  To put it simply: they all contend that the move marked the beginning of the end for the series which certainly isn’t a stretch, particularly with FOX.

Well, the FOX execs didn’t like that too much so they came up with this little trailer that addresses (and quotes) the cynical (albeit realistic) commentary from the writers at Collider, Ain’t It Cool News, IGN, TV Overmind, and Fringe Bloggers who for some bizarre reason just don’t seem to have any faith in FOX’s support of this show.

How cute is that, right?  We’re convinced.  Aren’t you?

Entertainment Weekly, who apparently has no problem being a corporate shill for FOX and perpetuating B.S., did a nice little puff-piece where they quote FOX’s senior VP of marketing and special projects, Dean Norris, explaining what prompted the trailer:

We started getting feedback from the viewers that basically said, ‘How could Fox do something so cool for a show they’re going to kill?’ We started reading these things and said, ‘Wait! We have to address this!’” The mission was to produce a piece of communication that dealt with the situation in a self-deprecating fashion, yet also assuaged fan fears. The message, spelled out in the promo: “You May Think Friday Is Dead… But We’re Gonna Reanimate It.”

Well, that sounds great because after all if there is one thing FOX is good at it’s animation… and RE-animation for that matter (see: Family Guy).

Now, standby in 3… 2… 1… for the big lie:

The promo is the beginning of a larger effort by Fox to shore up Fringe’s existing fanbase and hopefully grow the audience by targeting teen viewers who might be at home Friday night… “We are trying to rebrand Friday, and what we’re trying to do with this show specifically is make it kind of like forbidden fruit,” says Norris. “We want that teen demographic that might not be our audience right now to say, ‘That this is a show my parents might not want me to watch — but I’m going to watch it, anyway.’”

…And this is exactly why we don’t trust FOX and neither should you.  First, and foremost let’s just examine this entire quote, shall we?

Mr. Norris, please explain to us how FOX plans to “shore up” its existing fanbase by alienating it, yet again.  The problem that we pointed out earlier is that it’s not even necessarily the fact that it’s on a Friday night… the problem is that it’s on FOX on a Friday night and their history with television shows – ESPECIALLY Sci Fi shows! – on that night.

Our first hint of skepticism regarding this sudden change of heart was in that dopey little promo itself.  It’s the quote from Roco at Fringe Blogger that they cite:

This is indeed the night… others were cast out to die.

Anytime we see a quote cited and there is ellipsis in the middle of the quote, we always research the actual source to find out exactly what the quoter wanted to leave out in order to advance their agenda.  Here’s the actual quote by Roco:

This is indeed the night the likes of Dollhouse, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Firefly and others were cast out to die.

And there it is, folks; what FOX wants you to forget about.  The fact is that not only has FOX been brutal to Sci Fi shows that they’ve abandoned to Friday night, they’ve also spun similar stories about support and similar clever promo campaigns that REALLY made people think they gave a crap.  I refer you to the Dollhouse/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles promos from spring of 2009.

Here’s our favorite… when Summer Glau and Eliza Dushku actually hosted the “Double Feature Friday” of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and the series premiere of Dollhouse.

Three months later Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was canceled and six months after that Dollhouse was canceled.  Obviously, this is an example of FOX fully supporting their friday night Sci Fi shows.

To add more salt into that particular wound and prove the point about the total lack of vision at FOX, in May of 2009 those two shows had identical audience numbers, but FOX, in their infinite wisdom and foresight, decided to cancel Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles which had 11.4 million viewers during its first season before being dumped into Friday, was incredibly well-received by critics, had an established franchise brand-name and a built-in audience in favor of renewing the Joss Whedon mess called Dollhouse that had none of these attributes going for it.  Once again, nice job, FOX.

We won’t even discuss what they did to one of the greatest and regrettably short-lived series of all time, Firefly (also a Joss Whedon show).

As for the last big lie in that quote… who are they kidding?  Are we really supposed to believe that teenagers are going to stay in on a Friday night to watch a Sci Fi serial?  Furthermore, the reality is that it’s nearly impossible to expand the base for a show like this.

We know exactly what they’re thinking or at least the premise that they are going for in trying to promote this big lie and that is that Fringe is like The X-Files (as it’s been compared to that hit series since it debuted) and that it can appeal to everyone on that level.  Wrong.  They aren’t the same show at all and the reason why it doesn’t work is that roughly 2/3 of the 202 episodes of The X-Files were standalone, “monster-of-the-week” type episodes that were literally disconnected from the main storyline arc of Mulder’s quest for the proof of alien abduction so he could find his sister.

Fringe’s main story arc is omnipresent in every single episode whether it’s integral to the story of that particular episode or not and as much as we love The X-Files, Fringe’s main arc is a helluva lot more complicated than The X-Files alien arc ever was.  As a viewer, you cannot just jump into a show like Fringe halfway through its third season.  It would be the equivalent of jumping into Lost halfway through the third season.  You’d be lost and Norris must know this and if he doesn’t he’s completely incompetent.

So that’s what we’re left with.  TPTB at FOX are either completely incompetent or completely dishonest and what’s ridiculous is how many other bloggers and various media outlets are falling for this sudden change of heart by FOX regarding their dedication to a Sci Fi show that they have parked on Friday night.  Seriously, how dumb are they?  This is “battered viewer syndrome” (…and I’m not going to explain that particular metaphor) if we’ve ever seen it.  Do not trust FOX and their claims of unmitigated support for Fringe or any other show they move to Friday until they can be proven to be trustworthy.  The first step in doing that would be for them to order the remaining episodes for this season and order an entire fourth season and promise to air all of the episodes.  At this point, that would be the only way we would ever trust them and that’s not going to happen, so all we can do is hope for the best but plan for the worst which means expect Fringe to be canceled in May.  Let’s just hope that they bring some closure to this great series.

And, by the way… we really hope we’re wrong but we doubt that we are.

Fall 2010 TV Preview – Fridays

Part Five of the Seven Six Part Series (This has been edited because  I realized that there’s nothing on Saturdays but College Football, COPS and America’s Most Wanted.  Do you really need a review of those?)

8:00 p.m.

The CW:     Smallville (September 24, 2010)

Vic: The final season of Smallville begins this fall and we have Clark Kent finally on the cusp of eventually becoming what he is destined to become: Superman… the ‘Man of Steel.’ This season is what we Smallville fans all have been waiting nine years for. We have all hung in there through some exceptional stories, heart-wrenching losses, great heroes and villians and now it would appear that the baddest of the bad is coming to Smallville: Darkside is looking to take over our planet it seems that Clark will have no choice now but to jump into those tights that Mrs. Kent has been saving for him all these years… or does Lois have them now? That is why you must tune in and continue hanging in with what has been one of the most enduring Sci-Fi, Fantasy Dramas in recent TV memory. Smallville still has the chops. The performances are still great all the way around. Tom Welling still proves that season after season he can command every scene he is in and even in lighter moments he shows us an endearing and clumsy side. Erica Durance as Lois is quick, sharp and she has range. She proves that she has mettle as Lois up against Welling’s Clark. I can’t say enough about Allison Mack as Chloe. I just can’t wait to see how this all turns out this season. I for one hope to see the big guy finally fly and soar this season and hope you all watch as well.

Watch full length episodes of Smallville, here.

FOX:     Human Target (October 1, 2010)

In this drama based on a graphic novel of the same name, Mark Valley plays Christopher Chance, a for-hire bodyguard and private investigator who integrates himself into his clients’ lives so that he becomes a target instead of them. Assuming a new identity for each job, Chance relies on the help of his associates Winston (Chi McBride) and Guerrero (Jackie Earle Haley), but he can’t outrun his past — or the secrets driving his odd choice of work. -FOX

Shawn: Alright, so this is a little out of the norm because I normally don’t put show descriptions in with previews of returning shows.  I’ve made the exception with Human Target because I think it’s a show that too many people are unaware of because it was a mid-season replacement last year and unfortunately, FOX will most likely kill it by putting it on Friday night where they put all shows to die.  I cover this sad state of affairs in my column regarding the changing network attitudes towards Friday night prime-time and how FOX is, as usual up to the same old bag of tricks (read it here).  So, it’s basically like this: I am on a crusade for the critically acclaimed Human Target because it was one of the best new shows on television last year and needs everyone’s support.

The description is a little misleading.  Chance doesn’t just have a mysterious past, he’s a former freelance assassin who was a really bad dude, completely amoral who had a seminal moment in his life that made him reevaluate his own personal morality and vow to use his skills to protect people from now on.  It’s a fast-paced action show based on the DC Comics Graphic Novel and  they couldn’t have picked anyone better for this role of Christopher Chance than Mark Valley as the dashing yet compassionate former assassin (…and I’m just thrilled to see that Mark Valley finally has regular gig!).  The supporting cast is fantastic with Chi McBride (Boston Public, The Nine) as Winston, the gruff, former San Francisco police detective who works with Chance to keep him ahead of the game and regularly uses his connections from the old job to help Chance on his missions.  Then you have the other, more mysterious and far more deadly Guerrero, played by Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen, A Nightmare on Elm Street) who is a hi-tech wizard and a former associate of Chance’s in his prior profession but unlike Chance, really hasn’t had a change of heart, he’s just helping out an old buddy, but he does have a very strict personal moral code that abides by religiously.

Great action, unique stories, wonderfully written and compelling characters are the hallmarks of this show.  I highly recommend that you set time aside on Friday for Human Target (or at least Divver it).

Watch full episodes of Human Target, here.

ABC:     Body of Proof (Later this Fall – TBD)

Dr. Megan Hunt (Dana Delany) was in a class of her own, a brilliant neurosurgeon at the top of her game. Her world is turned upside down when a devastating car accident puts an end to her time in the operating room. Megan resumes her career as a medical examiner determined to solve the puzzle of who or what killed the victims. Megan’s instincts are sharp, but she’s developed a reputation for graying the lines of where her job ends and where the police department’s begins. It turns out her career isn’t the only thing that will need to be rebuilt; Megan’s family has taken a backseat to her ambition, and now she’ll discover there’s a lot of work to do when it comes to dissecting her relationships with the living. – ABC

Shawn: If it hasn’t become abundantly clear by now, I really dislike procedurals in general.  It doesn’t matter if it’s police, law, medical, detective… whatever, I really have no use for them.  And it’s not that this show looks particularly awful, because it doesn’t.  It’s just the same thing I’ve seen time and again which is also one of the big reasons I have no use for sit-coms.  There’s just no originality in any of these programs and with the incredible batch of new shows that have come out this season, it’s not like there is a lack of originality in Hollywood, it’s just not being utilized enough.

What bugs me the most is that the procedurals don’t have to be unoriginal.  Hollywood producers  and execs choose to go that route because it’s safe and easy to pitch to advertisers and the general viewing audience.  For example, NCIS is by definition a procedural, but it’s still a good show because of how original it always has been.  Body of Proof doesn’t have anything resembling an original premise.  Not even the title is original, which like most procedurals and sitcoms reverts to the use of cringe-worthy “clever”  double-meanings for phrases and words to convey a commonly known phrase to attract the audience’s attention, e.g., House, The Whole Truth, Outlaw, Grey’s Anatomy, Rules of Engagement, Raising Hope, Running Wilde, The Biggest Loser, Bones and Blue Bloods.  That’s just from this Fall.  I didn’t even mention the stupidest one of all, HawthoRNe (well… now I have).  This show literally is a hybrid of Quincy, Crossing Jordan, CSI, House and Everwood.  Like I said, Body of Proof doesn’t look awful, and it does have a good cast, but it just looks ordinary.

FOX:     The Good Guys (September 24, 2010)

From Matt Nix (“Burn Notice”), comes THE GOOD GUYS, a new action comedy about what happens when an old-school cop and a modern-day detective expose the big picture of small crime.

Once upon the 1970s, DAN STARK (Bradley Whitford) and his partner, Frank Savage, were big-shot Dallas detectives. So big, in fact, that they were lauded as American heroes after saving the Governor’s son. Thirty years later, Dan Stark is a washed-up detective who spends most of his time drunk or re-hashing his glory days. A stranger to modern police work who would much rather trust his old-school police instincts, Dan has the reputation as being a bit of a wild card. Able to skate by on the heroic deeds of his yesteryear, he is still a semi-active presence on the force, and with the help of his liquor of choice, occasionally comes through to solve a petty crime.

Dan’s new partner, JACK BAILEY (Colin Hanks), is an ambitious, by-the-book and overall good detective, but is sometimes a bit too snarky for his own good. His habit of undermining himself has earned him a dead-end position in the department, and he is stuck solving annoying petty theft cases that nobody else wants. Worse, he’s been given the thankless task of babysitting Dan, the drunk pariah who can never keep partners for long. Jack may not see it, but he has little chance of getting out of his situation; his knack for making enemies at the station has assured he is not going anywhere.

His only ally is ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY LIZ TRAYNOR (Jenny Wade), a quick witted former girlfriend whom Jack hasn’t quite gotten over and the one person he turns to for help with his current professional predicament. Until Jack finds his way out of this situation, he is stuck awaiting the day when he can turn everything around, get back to solving actual cases and return to being a real detective.

On one fairly typical day, as Jack and Dan are pursuing a Code 58, the Dallas police code for routine investigations, which puts them hot on the case of a stolen humidifier, they inadvertently become engaged in a shootout over a stolen golf bag belonging to a notorious drug smuggler. This starts Jack and Dan on a wild chase to retrieve the bag, recover the contents inside and go after the drug smuggler – all while dodging his hired assassin!

The excitement of the case reminds Dan of the way he and Frank busted punks back in the good old days, and he convinces Jack to go along for the ride. Needless to say, many departmental rules are again broken in the reckless pursuit, showing their boss, LIEUTENANT ANA RUIZ (Diana Maria Riva), that Jack and Dan will be spending many more days in the Property Crimes Division, assigned to investigate seemingly minor crimes in order to keep them out of major trouble.

Shawn: Yep, I broke the rule again about not posting show description in regards to returning shows (well… not technically as this is just a continuation of the first season that went on hiatus at the end of August.).  But again, like with Human Target, I have to do this to counteract FOX’s continued insanity regarding good shows left to die on Friday night.   For the point of brevity (and because copy and pasting is a helluva lot easier) here’s the skinny on how FOX is abusing this show as I mentioned in the same column that I discussed Human Target.

It’s not even remotely fair what they’re doing to The Good Guys even by FOX’s idiotic standards, premiering it on a Monday in the middle of May when all of the other shows are wrapping up, letting it run for nine episodes over the summer and then dumping it into Friday night because it didn’t catch fire fast enough for them.

Simple, but to the point… it’s the same standard operating procedure that they’ve used with Human Target and countless other shows.

Now that the rant is complete, I really like The Good Guys.  It is very funny and full of action and Hanks and Whitmore play off each other brilliantly.

Watch full episodes of The Good Guys, here.

10:00 p.m.

CBS:     Blue Bloods (September 24, 2010 – NEW SERIES!)

­BLUE BLOODS is a drama about a multi-generational family of cops dedicated to New York City law enforcement. Frank Reagan is the New York City Police Commissioner and heads both the police force and the Reagan brood. He runs his department as diplomatically as he runs his family, even when dealing with the politics that plagued his unapologetically bold father, Henry, during his stint as Chief. A source of pride and concern for Frank is his eldest son Danny, a seasoned detective, family man, and Iraqi War vet who on occasion uses dubious tactics to solve cases. The sole Reagan woman in the family, Erin, is a N.Y. Assistant D.A. and newly single parent, who also serves as the legal compass for her siblings and father. Jamie is the youngest Reagan, fresh out of Harvard Law and the family’s “golden boy;” however, unable to deny the family tradition, Jamie decided to give up a lucrative future in law and is now a newly minted cop. Jamie’s life takes an abrupt turn when he’s asked to become part of a clandestine police investigation even his father knows nothing about, and one that could impact the family’s legacy.­ – CBS

Shawn: Blue Bloods is one of the most anticipated dramas this Fall for good reason.  Simply look at this cast.  Your leads are Tom Selleck, Donnie Wahlberg, and Bridget Moynihan… all television and film superstars (Len Cariou is no slouch either).  Superstars like that don’t just arbitrarily sign on to do a show if they don’t already know it’s brilliant.  The concept is definitely unique.  An original cop show that focuses on a multigenerational family of cops and all of the dynamics that go along with that.  I’m very excited about Blue Bloods.

Watch full episodes of Blue Bloods, here.

NBC:     Outlaw (September 17, 2010 – NEW SERIES!)

Few jobs are guaranteed for a lifetime, and a Supreme Court appointment is a position that no one ever quits – unless he is Cyrus Garza (Smits). A playboy and a gambler, Justice Garza always adhered to a strict interpretation of the law until he realized the system he believed in was flawed. Now, he’s quit the bench and returned to private practice.

Using his inside knowledge of the justice system, Garza and his team will travel across the country taking on today’s biggest and most controversial legal cases.

Garza’s team includes his best friend since childhood, Al Druzinsky (David Ramsey), a brilliant defense attorney with liberal beliefs; Mereta Stockman (Ellen Woglom), a hopeless romantic who is Garza’s loyal law clerk; Lucinda Pearl (Carly Pope), a wildly unorthodox private investigator who uses her sex appeal and wit to gather information for Garza; and Eddie Franks (Jesse Bradford), a tightly wound, rabidly ambitious Yale-educated attorney, recently hired as Garza’s law clerk. – NBC

Shawn: I’ve already done a complete review for Outlaw, here.  It is by far the worst drama on television.

Watch full episodes of Outlawhere.

Have the Networks (FINALLY) Started to Take Friday Nights Seriously???

In the past, Friday prime-time has been a notorious dumping ground for television shows that weren’t cancelled yet, but were on their last legs, at least for dramas.  Low-cost news magazines like Dateline and 20/20 have always found success here and of course in the last decade there have been several reality shows that have thrived here, but it’s been pretty much a foregone conclusion that if a drama winds up here, it’s not long for this world and will soon be gracing us only in syndication (if it has had a long enough run) or in your queue on Netflix.  Well, this season I’m noticing a trend of the networks taking the risk of putting new shows that they’ve invested in and some that are actually fantastic with money-making casts (see: Blue Bloods) on Friday.  They are also doing something else:  they are putting perennial solid veterans on Friday as well.  Now, I may not like or watch all of these shows (so you’re not going to see all of them reviewed or previewed) but it really is quite a change of pace for Fridays to say the least. 

The first example is (now) CBS’s Medium which has averaged 10 million per season the last six seasons.  What’s notable about this is that not only did Medium move from Monday to Fridays between seasons  5 and 6, they also switched networks (from NBC to CBS) yet still only dropped from 8.5 million viewers to 7.8 million.  It simply absurd that they kept 92% of their core audience while not only moving to Fridays but to a different network. 

CSI: NY on Fridays is the biggest head scratcher of all.  I hate the entire CSI franchise for a myriad of reasons that I’m not going to go into right now but there’s no denying its success.  Of the three shows in the franchise, CSI: NY is the worst performing of all of them but that’s kind of like saying that Tony Lazzeri was the worst run producer of the 1927 Yankees‘ three best in the infamous “Murderers Row” lineup with Babe Ruth and Lou Gherig being the two best.  Any team would have loved to have had the ’27 Lazzeri in their lineup just like any network would love to have CSI: NY in theirs.  By the way, I hate the Yankees more than I hate the CSI franchise but again there’s no denying their success. 

CSI: NY has consistently averaged 13.3 million viewers per week CONSISTENTLY for six seasons in the Wednesday night 10:00  p.m. slot which has typically been very competitive (although I must admit that with Leno on at 10:00 p.m. for a good portion of last season there wasn’t much of a challenge) and has been in the top 25 of all shows every season except one (it was #28 during the 2007 – 2008 season although it had the exact same number of viewers – 12.6 million – that it did last year when it was #23) going as high as #17 (2008 – 2009, 13.03 million).  Now it did take a dive last year falling to #44 with the 18 – 49 crowd but still, nearly 13 million is nothing to sneeze at even if you did drop in the “coveted” demographic.  Needless to say, CSI:NY is pretty much a sure-thing for CBS and they didn’t put it in the Friday night slot to cancel it.  Sorry… not with 13 million viewers.

An honorable mention needs to go out to Supernatural (and to an extent Smallville) which has been The CW’s stallion (for what that’s worth) on Thursday night at 9:00 p.m. for its first four seasons and that show is now on in the same slot on Fridays as well, but what REALLY caught my attention was not just all of the dramas on the major networks on Fridays but how Syfy has completely abandoned their original programming schedule on Friday nights that if I recall correctly, they’ve been going with for over a decade.  SyFy’s two most popular shows – the Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica and the franchise favorite Stargate: Universe – have been moved to Tuesday nights, premiering on October 5th.  This is monumental and I haven’t seen anyone take note of this.  SyFy owned Friday nights and one can only assume that this waving of the white flag was in response to the major networks actually paying attention to Friday nights again.

So why this big change in attitude towards Friday night prime-time?  Historically, the reason why the Friday night line-up has been so mediocre is because viewers go out on Friday nights and don’t normally stay in to watch television… especially the “coveted” 18 – 49 demographic.  Mind you, this is entirely speculative on my part but I have a theory:  it’s the economy. More and more people are staying home for entertainment instead of going out in order to save money.  When you’ve got unemployment at around 10% and 40% of the population who are worried that they might possibly lose their job within the next year, that’s certainly not a situation conducive to spending a bunch of money out at the club.  People are saving more, spending less, paying off credit cards and when they are spending money on entertainment it’s on long-term appliances like HD TV’s and Blu Ray players, both of which have gone down dramatically in price this year.

So, there is no question that most of the networks now see value in Friday night but the question is: didn’t FOX get the memo?

You see, FOX bothers me to no end with their programming decisions.  They are notorious for giving up too quickly on quality shows, not giving them a chance for audiences to grow and if they do throw an audience a bone and renew a show with borderline ratings, they stick it in Friday night to die.  The decisions they make at FOX are mind-boggling and reactionary on a whole different level.  Why these morons don’t understand that when you have the highest rated show of all time on three nights a week that it actually gives you latitude when it comes to relaxing a little bit when a drama doesn’t immediately perform as you hoped it would is far beyond my level of comprehension.  Hell, put American Idol on every night and use it as a lead-in for every 9:00 p.m. show.  It worked for 24!  I will remind you that this is the same network that cancelled Family Guy.  I will also remind you that this is the same network that cancelled perhaps the greatest Sci Fi series of all time, Firefly, after 11 stinkin’ episodes.  Topless Robot has a great article that explains exactly how stupid the programming decisions at FOX have been.

And this is exactly the approach that FOX is going with for both Human Target and The Good Guys, both critically acclaimed shows that had marginal ratings when the aired last season.  It’s not even remotely fair what they’re doing to The Good Guys even by FOX’s idiotic standards, premiering it on a Monday in the middle of May when all of the other shows are wrapping up, letting it run for nine episodes over the summer and then dumping it into Friday night because it didn’t catch fire fast enough for them.  Human Target on the other hand is one of the best shows on TV, period and could very easily build a locked-in huge genre audience if FOX had the foresight to give it a chance like they did with 24 in 2001 which, by the way had the identical audience numbers that Human Target had during its first season.

Now, you might be saying, “Now, waitaminute, here… how do YOU know that FOX isn’t doing the same thing that the other networks are doing?”  Nope, wrong. First, consider that we’re talking about FOX and we’ve already established what is common knowledge about their programming practices.  Second, the other networks mentioned are putting up four strong veteran dramas with built-in audiences and three new shows that they have just sunk a bunch of money into in order to develop.  You NEVER put a show with weak/mediocre numbers in a Friday slot if you want it to survive and have the audience grow.  Hopefully, because of the other networks taking Friday night seriously for once, these two great shows can be successful despite the neglect from FOX.  I doubt it, but I remain hopeful… because I really love Human Target.

Watch full epsidoes of Human Target, here.

Watch full episodes of The Good Guys, here.