Babylon 5, Grease & Taxi Star Jeff Conaway Dead At Age 60 UPDATED: Dr. Drew Speaks on Conaway’s Death (VIDEO)

Jeff Conaway: 1950 - 2011

It is with great sadness that we report that it has been confirmed that Jeff Conaway, star of Taxi, Babylon 5 and the classic film Grease has passed away at the age of 60 due to complications from pneumonia and an apparent overdose of prescription pain killers which he suffered on May 11th.  He was taken to a Los Angeles area hospital that day and put into a medically induced coma.  Based on the advice physicians who had described his situation as “hopeless” for several days, his family made the decision to remove him from life support.  Conaway’s history of substance addiction was well-documented in the media and on the VH-1 reality series Celebrity Fit Club and Celebrity Rehab.

Conaway’s manager, Phil Brock, said this to the media:

“We loved Jeff as a person, respected him as a consummate performer and entertainer. Somewhere in heaven, somebody is getting a hickey from Kenickie.  On a darker side, we’re happy his personal struggles are now over. We do not have memorial plans yet. The family has asked for forbearance and privacy today. It’s a very difficult time.

Our staff has been with him through his struggle over the last few years. He is one of the nicest, kindest people. The most gentle person, and that may have been his downfall in the long run. He was a really nice guy in general, a person who would give the shirt off his back for anyone. He loved and lived to be on stage and entertaining others.

Jeff Conaway on Babylon 5

On a personal note, I shared a flight with Conaway and a female companion (not his girlfriend, Vickie, who appeared on Celebrity Rehab) in 2006 to Burbank on my way to appear on a game show in Studio City.  Phil Brock’s statement mirrors my impression of him.  He was a very kind and gracious man and very accessible. I spoke at length with him both during and after the flight and completely enjoyed my limited time with him. Although, even I could see that he was someone who had a long history of drug and alcohol use despite the fact that he was sober on that flight, he was nothing like the persona that was portrayed on VH-1 and I hope that people realize how greatly reality television distorts our perception of people, celebrities and otherwise.  Yes, Jeff Conaway had his demons that he could never exorcise, but he was a truly decent human being.

Noel Gallagher of Oasis: Pretentious Limey Prick

In closing, not only would we like to thank Jeff for the years of entertainment he provided (especially on Babylon 5) and the wonderful conversation I had with him on that flight but I’d also like to thank him for doing what someone should have done a long time ago: Conaway pulled a knife on Oasis’ Noel Gallagher backstage at a Marilyn Manson concert in 2008 for mocking him.  We really don’t care why he did it, we’re just glad it was done and for his efforts, he posthumously earns The TV-Tastic Bad-Ass Seal of Approval, ‘The Walken.’  Thanks Jeff, you’ll be missed.

Meet ABC’s New Shows For 2011 – 2012 (VIDEOS!)… And Watch How We Tear Them Apart (Preview – Review)

“The ‘Tastic Says: You FAIL!”

As promised, The ‘Tastic is proud to present the first-look trailers for all of ABC’s new shows… and there are a lot of them (you can see the full Fall schedule right here.).  Along with synopses and videos, in true TV-Tastic-style we’ll give you a preview assessment of each of the new series (in other words, we plan to pretty much rip most of them apart) letting you know what we think about them and if it’s worth your time to check them out this Fall and just to give everyone a heads up: overall we are amazed at how good most of these shows look despite the fact that ABC is becoming the Big-5’s version of Lifetime.

FALL

Last Man Standing:  Today it’s a woman’s world, and this man’s man is on a mission to get men back to their rightful place in society.

Tim Allen returns to ABC in this new comedy from Jack Burditt (“30 Rock”). Men may have built civilizations, invented the locomotive and created ESPN, but they’re about to find out that it’s not a man’s world anymore. You can’t get manlier than Mike Baxter. He’s the marketing director for an iconic outdoor sporting goods store, he loves to have adventures while he’s traveling for work and, of course, he drives a pick-up truck. While Mike is king of the hill at work, he’s the odd man out in a home that is dominated by women — namely his wife, Vanessa, and their three daughters, 22- year-old Kristin, 17-year-old Mandy and 14-year-old Eve. After being a stay-at-home mom for years, Vanessa recently returned to the workplace and was quickly promoted (much to the dismay of her primarily male co-workers). As a result of Vanessa’s increased work load, Mike is pulled into more hands-on parenting than ever before.

The ‘Tastic Says:   Say hello to the first installment of male emasculating and male-bashing.  This show in and of itself doesn’t look particularly awful, however it looks like a clone of Home Improvement sans the tools and Wilson peeking over the fence imparting sage advice.  Also, we simply CANNOT get over this obvious radical gyno-centric agenda that ABC is adopting and it’s particularly insidious with this show, using the reverse-psychology method, trying to convince us that this is a pro-masculinity empowerment show while all the male characters are boorish buffoons. We’re not buying it, ABC.  We certainly get wanting to expand your audience but this seems like a desperate ploy to get women viewers because they know they have no chance in Hell of getting the 18 – 49 male audience any more. The only saving grace for LMS is that Tim Allen  has probably been one of the most likable guys on TV for the last 20 years second maybe only to Jay Leno.  Out of deference to Tim, we’ll reserve our judgment for a few episodes.

Man Up:  Three modern men try to get in touch with their inner tough guys and redefine what it means to be a “real man” in this funny and relatable comedy.

Will’s grandfather fought in WWII. Will’s father fought in Vietnam. Will plays Call of Duty on his PS3 and drinks non-dairy hazelnut creamer. So what happened to all the real men? They’re still here — they just smell like pomegranate body wash now. Meet Will (Mather Zickel). His evolved, sensitive nature is why his awesome wife, Theresa (Teri Polo), married him. But Will and his friends find themselves wondering — in a world of Axe ads and manscaping — what does it really mean to be a guy anymore? Will is more interested in finding the perfect gift for his son Nathan’s (Jake Johnson) 13th birthday than in doing his job selling insurance; sensitive soul Craig (Christopher Moynihan) still pines for his college ex, Lisa; and Kenny (Dan Fogler) clamps down on his anger and asks himself, “What would Tobey Maguire do?,” when his ex, Brenda (Amanda Detmer), starts seeing a guy (Henry Simmons) who is everything he’s not and much better looking. After Craig crashes Lisa’s wedding to try to win her back, they are all faced with an opportunity to Man Up and be like their forefathers.

The ‘Tastic Says: And the hits just keep on coming!  More men who keep their testicles firmly entrenched deep in their wives purses or who are fat, disgusting slobs whose exes are dating guys who are built like comic book superheroes.  We are convinced that this is what happens when Sex and The City fans smoke a joint and then decided to create a television series.  And of course, the men overgrown children who play Call of Duty on the X-Box 360 all night long (because everyone knows that if they actually were adults they’d be playing on a Playstation 3).  As bad and recycled as the premise is (didn’t NBC just fail with this when it was called Perfect Couples?), this show looks pretty funny and probably only because it stars Fanboys neurotic star, Dan Fogler.  We’ll give it a shot but like LMS, we’re not promising anything.

Suburgatory: Single father George only wants the best for his 16-year-old daughter, Tessa. So when he finds a box of condoms on her nightstand, he moves them out of their apartment in New York City to a house in the suburbs. But all Tessa sees is the horror of over-manicured lawns and plastic Franken-moms. Being in the ‘burbs can be hell, but it also may just bring Tessa and George closer than they’ve ever been.

Tessa (Jane Levy) and George (Jeremy Sisto) have been on their own ever since Tessa’s mom pulled a “Kramer vs. Kramer” before she was even potty trained. So far, George has done a pretty good job of raising Tessa without a maternal figure in their lives, but suddenly he’s feeling a little out of his league. So it’s goodbye New York City and hello suburbs. At first Tessa is horrified by the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers and their sugar-free Red Bull-chugging kids. But little by little she and her dad begin finding a way to survive on the clean streets of the ‘burbs. Sure, the neighbors might smother you with love while their kids stare daggers at your back, but underneath all that plastic and caffeine, they’re really not half bad. And they do make a tasty pot roast.

The ‘Tastic Says:  OK… this just looks absolutely horrific.  We don’t know what more to say but we do expect it to die a quick death.  Of course, we’ll endure at least the pilot for the sake of all of you so we can properly review it.

Revenge:  Wealth, beauty and status define the people in this town, but one woman is willing to destroy everyone for the sake of revenge.

Emily Thorne (Emily Van Camp) is new to the Hamptons. She’s met some of her wealthy neighbors, has made a few new friends and seemingly blends into the town. But something is a little odd about a young girl living in a wealthy town all on her own, and the truth is that Emily isn’t exactly new to the neighborhood. In fact, this was once her old neighborhood, until something bad happened that ruined her family and their reputation. Now Emily is back, and she’s returned to right some of those wrongs in the best way she knows how – with a vengeance.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Is there a reason that ABC insists on recycling old plots from failed scripted series?  Do we not all remember the failed (but awesome) NBC series, Life, from 2007 starring Damian Lewis as a cop who is framed by fellow cops and wrongfully convicted of murder, spends 12 years in prison before he’s exonerated, and under the terms of his settlement with the city, gets his old job as a detective back and uses his resources to hunt down, one-by-one, the people involved in the conspiracy?  Call us crazy, but this is the exact same show… but with a chick.  Surprisingly, though, the trailer below does look pretty flippin’ good.  It gave us chills.  Not sure if we’re crazy about Emily Van Camp in the lead as she seems a little soft for such a hardcore character, however maybe that’s why this will work… no one will see her coming.  We’re guessing that this is going to be pretty good, but it’s a serial and we know how today’s audiences feel about serials.  However, this show, like every other show on this network’s schedule is targeting women viewers and that section of the audience has far more tolerance for serialized drama then the rest of the audience.

Charlie’s AngelsEveryone deserves a second chance — even a thief, a street racer and a cop who got in a little too deep. After all, the three women who solve cases for their elusive boss, Charlie Townsend, are no saints. They’re angels… Charlie’s Angels.

Set in Miami, this fun, glamorous, action-packed take on the 1970s smash hit series introduces us to three new angels, all fearless detectives, head-turning beauties and close friends. There’s Abby (Rachael Taylor), a Park Avenue princess who became a world-class thief. Then there’s Kate (Annie Ilonzeh), a Miami cop who fell from grace, losing both her career and her fiancé. Finally there’s Gloria, a disgraced army lieutenant who has a way with explosives. When one of the angels’ missions ends in Gloria’s tragic death, Charlie persuades them to partner with Gloria’s childhood friend, Eve (Minka Kelly), a street racer with a mysterious past. They may not know each other yet, but one thing’s for sure — Abby, Kate and Eve will always have each others’ backs.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Whoot… whoot!  Girl power and a reboot!  No… just no.  Everything about this looks awful. Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Much like The CW needed to be smacked on the nose with a newspaper for Hellcats, the same punishment should apply to ABC for this completely unnecessary relaunch.

Once Upon A Time:  From the inventive minds of “Lost” executive producers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis comes a bold new imagining of the world, where fairy tales and the modern-day are about to collide.

And they all lived happily ever after – or so everyone was led to believe. Emma Swan knows how to take care of herself. She’s a 28-year-old bail bonds collector who’s been on her own ever since she was abandoned as a baby. But when the son she gave up years ago finds her, everything starts to change. Henry is now 10 years old and in desperate need of Emma’s help. He believes that Emma actually comes from an alternate world and is Snow White and Prince Charming’s missing daughter. According to his book of fairytales, they sent her away to protect her from the Evil Queen’s curse, which trapped the fairytale world forever, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world. Of course Emma doesn’t believe a word, but when she brings Henry back to Storybrooke, she finds herself drawn to this unusual boy and his strange New England town. Concerned for Henry, she decides to stay for a while, but she soon suspects that Storybrooke is more than it seems. It’s a place where magic has been forgotten, but is still powerfully close… where fairytale characters are alive, even though they don’t remember who they once were. The epic battle for the future of all worlds is beginning, but for good to win, Emma will have to accept her destiny and fight like hell.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Yet another series with a strong female lead using a (at least partially) recycled premise.  Despite that, this is quite an original twist on the  genre and the second show this season that mixes the contemporary with the classic fairy tale (the first being NBC’s new show, Grimm).  It really looks quite epic and it’s got some big-time writers associated with it but we’re thinking it might be a little too epic for Big-5 TV and seriously, how long can a premise like this last?  22 episodes per season for five to seven seasons?  Doubtful.  It seems more appropriate as a SyFy or HBO miniseries, really. However, on the other hand, who would have thought that these same writers could have given us six seasons and 115 episodes of the second greatest show of all-time, Lost?   If this is as good and as well put-together as it looks, we’d love for this to survive but this type of serial genre programming is very questionable on major network TV in this climate.

Pan Am:  Passion, jealousy and espionage… They do it all – and they do it at 30,000 feet. The style of the 1960s, the energy and excitement of the Jet Age and a drama full of sexy entanglements deliciously mesh in this thrilling and highly-original new series.

In this modern world, air travel represents the height of luxury and Pan Am is the biggest name in the business. The planes are glamorous, the pilots are rock stars and the stewardesses are the most desirable women in the world. Not only are these flyboys and girls young and good looking, but to represent Pan Am they also have to be educated, cultured and refined. They’re trained to handle everything from in-air emergencies to unwanted advances – all without rumpling their pristine uniforms or mussing their hair. There’s Dean (Jonah Lotan) – a cocky, charismatic and ambitious new pilot – the first of a new breed not trained in the war. On the sly against company policy, he’s dating Bridget, a stunning beauty with a mysterious past. A rebellious bohemian, Maggie (Christina Ricci) turns into a buttoned up professional for work so she can see the world. Rounding out the crew are flirtatious Collette (Karine Vanasse), the adventurous Kate (Kelli Garner) and, finally, Laura (Margot Robbie) – Kate’s beauty queen younger sister, a runaway bride, who recently fled a life of domestic boredom to take to the skies.

The ‘Tastic Says:  The more we go through these new shows the more we’re actually starting to admire ABC for their ability to either make every series have a strong, empowering female lead and/or make men look like complete jackasses and often without the audience realizing it.  What they’ve done with this show is just brilliant:  They took the infancy of the women’s lib movement where women were still thought of as second-class citizens, put them in the most sexualized role they could possibly be in for that era (other than wearing bunny ears and a cotton tail… thank you, NBC for not missing a beat and covering that particular base) and turned it around into an empowering position as the perfect cover for a covert operative!  Like we said, BRILLIANT!  Of course, in the aggregate, this is a combination of Alias and Steven Spielberg’s Catch Me if You Can (goodness, half of the scenes in the trailer AND the Sinatra song Come Fly With Me are directly from that film), but still, this looks VERY clever and hip and we think it’s going to be a lot of fun.  We are really looking forward to this.  By the way here’s one thing from Catch Me If You Can that wasn’t in the trailer and it’s doubtful it will be in this new series.

The Greatest Joke of All Time

(NSFW… just play it quietly, will ya?  Use a little discretion at work.  Waitaminute… shouldn’t you be working?)

MIDSEASON

Good Christian Belles:  The soap returns to Dallas in this wicked new drama that shows that you can go home again… but only if you’re ready to face the sins of your past.

Amanda Vaughn (Leslie Bibb), once the ultimate high school “mean girl,” is forced to return home in disgrace after her marriage ends in scandal. Amanda is nothing like the girl she was 20 years ago, but as her old classmates reacquaint themselves with the new Amanda, will her home town welcome her with open arms or seek revenge? No one in this town is a saint, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a heart. As Amanda and her teenage kids try to adjust to their new lives, the ladies from her past alternate between sympathy and scheming.

The ‘Tastic Says:  First keep in mind that this show was originally entitled Good Christian Bitches, so apparently empowering women and treating them with respect only extends so far.  This seems like a ripoff of Desperate Housewives which means that we certainly won’t be watching it as this genre is simply not our bag, however, we have a much bigger problem with the underlying premise of the show to begin with which seems to be to want to expose the moral hypocrisy of Christians.  This is not a particularly smart place to start from for any series in the U.S.  First of all, religion is a very private matter to begin with and most people simply prefer it be kept out of their primetime entertainment fare, but secondly, it’s just not very smart to alienate 79% of your audience right out of the gate.  All of that notwithstanding, this show looks hideous.  The writing is horrible as are the performances and we could figure that out in the minute and 46 seconds we saw below.

Missing: Becca Winstone (Ashley Judd) learns that her son, Michael, disappears while studying abroad, and it’s a race against time when she travels to Europe to track him down. A surprising turn of events reveals just how far one mother will go to protect her family. Exotic locations and thrilling twists will keep you riveted in “Missing.”

How far would you go to save the only thing you have left in the world? At 8 years old, Michael watched as his father, CIA Agent Paul Winstone, was murdered. Now 10 years later, Paul’s wife, Becca, is faced with the reality of her son growing up. When Michael is afforded the opportunity to study abroad, his mother reluctantly agrees it’s time to let him go. Just a few weeks into his trip Michael disappears, and Becca immediately suspects foul play. When she arrives in Rome, she begins piecing together the clues left behind. It isn’t long before the kidnappers realize they’ve picked a fight with the wrong woman. Becca Winstone has a secret of her own — before Paul’s death, she was also a lethal CIA Agent. But if she wants to find her son alive, Becca will have to rely on old friends and reopen old wounds. Her resourcefulness, skill and determination will be put to the test – but a mother’s love knows no limits.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Broken Record here: recycled plot from a failed series and a strong female lead.  If you’re wondering what failed series we’re talking about it would be none other than FOX’s  Vanished from 2006 that lasted a grand total of 13 episodes.  It’s also got the feel of AliasTaken and the Bourne franchise for obvious reasons.  Still, the production values are insane on this.  This is a TV show?  This looks like one of the few bright spots for action this year on all of the networks, and of course we love Ashley Judd going  all the way back to when she played Ensign Robin Lefler on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  There are of course two big problems with this show, the first being the serial factor, but again that may be mitigated by the female audience that we referred to earlier discussing Revenge.  The second is the same issue that OUaT has, and that is, how long can they really go with this premise?  Seriously, are they going to keep that kid missing for five to seven years.  Audiences will grow tired of that quickly and it seems like a very lazy plot device for the central theme of the show considering how well-developed it seems… kinda like it was drawn out of a hat.  Despite this, it really does look good and we’re looking forward to it.

The River:  “The River” follows the story of wildlife expert and TV personality Emmet Cole. Emmet set course around the world with his wife, Tess, and son, Lincoln, while filming what would become one of the most popular shows in television. After he goes missing deep in the Amazon, his family, friends and crew set out on a mysterious and deadly journey to find him.

Famed explorer Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) went looking for magic deep in the uncharted Amazon and never returned. The shocking truth about his disappearance is out there, somewhere, just waiting to be discovered. To the millions of kids who grew up watching his nature show, Dr. Cole was a hero. To his own son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson), he was more of an enigma. Now, six months after he vanished, Lincoln is finally ready to bury the past when Dr. Cole’s emergency beacon suddenly goes off. At the urging of his mother, Tess (Leslie Hope), Lincoln reluctantly joins her on a search for his father. To fund the rescue, they agree to let Dr. Cole’s cagey ex-producer, Clark (Paul Blackthorne), film the mission documentary-style. The mixed crew of old friends and new acquaintances includes the sexy and resourceful Lena (Eloise Mumford), loyal mechanic Emilio (Daniel Zacapa) and lethal bodyguard Captain Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann).

The ‘Tastic Says:  Holy Crap!  This looks awesome!  This show has one of the few truly ensemble casts of the new schedule but of course, it has a super ninja-type strong female lead who has to lead the rescue for the man who got lost in the jungle. But this show looks absolutely amazing and with Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Television producing it (with Spielberg himself exec. producing) you know that this is going to be a tight, well-done show.  It has a very big LOST vibe to it and we certainly can’t complain about that.  This looks like the best new show of the season.

Scandal:  From the creator and executive producers of “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Private Practice” comes a drama revolving around the life and work of a professional crisis manager and her dysfunctional staff.

A former media relations consultant to the President, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) dedicates her life to protecting and defending the public images of our nation’s elite. After leaving the White House, the power consultant opened her own firm, hoping to start a new chapter — both professionally and personally — but she can’t seem to completely cut ties with her past. Slowly it becomes apparent that her staff, who specialize in fixing the lives of other people, can’t quite fix the ones closest at hand — their own.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Oh, good Lord, this looks stupid and surprise, surprise, surprise, yet another ridiculously strong female lead who’s so tough that she can stand in the middle of two guys with handguns and with nothing more than a firm voice make them lower their weapons.  Stupid and predictable procedural that is trying fool the audience into thinking that it’s actually original because they filled in the Mad-Libs blanks with the phrases “Crisis Management” and “Fixer.”  Forget it.

Apartment 23:  After a naïve Midwestern girl’s big city dreams are dashed her first week in New York, she finds herself living with her worst nightmare in this hilarious, contemporary comedy about a female odd couple who are surrounded by an outrageous cast of characters.

June (Dreama Walker) moves to Manhattan for a dream job and the perfect company apartment, only to have them disappear in a puff of reality, thanks to a CEO from the Bernie Madoff school of embezzlement. Deep in debt and out on the streets, June scrambles to land a job and place to live. It seems her luck has turned around when she gets hired at a coffee shop and finds Chloe (Krysten Ritter), a charming, vivacious roommate… with the morals of a pirate. She swindles June out of all her savings, but she and her snarky friend, James Van Der Beek (playing himself), soon learn that, just because June’s naïve, she isn’t stupid. June ingeniously turns the tables on Chloe, who is so shocked about being scammed herself that she decides to pull June into her colorful band of friends. Sure, it’s all dysfunctional, bizarre and overwhelming, but so is New York City. And with the help of Chloe and the other oddballs around her, June might just learn the survival secrets she needs to make it there.

The ‘Tastic Says:  Big shocker… strong female leads again.  This looks actually very funny. Out of all the trailers we’ve seen this one actually made us laugh three or four times.  That’s already more laughs in a minute and a half  than we had during the entire season of $#*! My Dad SaysSeems to have some very clever writing, and it reminds us of Friends if Friends could come back as a series that didn’t suck.  We also find it quite clever that James Van Der Beek keeps getting roles in comedies playing himself.  This should do well.  We hope they  stick this on Wednesday night as the lead out for Modern Family as that’s where it belongs.


Work It:  This high-concept comedy centers on two unrepentant guy’s guys who, unable to find work, dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. Not only do they pull it off, but they might just learn to be better men in the process.

With unemployment an ongoing issue and women now outnumbering men in the workforce, the new comedy series “Work It” follows two alpha males who realize the only way to beat the current “mancession” and land a job in pharmaceutical sales is to pass themselves off as women. Combining all the best elements of the workplace comedy, the buddy comedy and the family comedy, “Work It” centers on Lee Standish (Ben Koldyke) — a quick-witted and likable family man who used to be a top car salesman until he got laid off — and Angel Ortiz (Amaury Nolasco) — a single, hot-headed ladies’ man with no filter — who quickly learn there are fundamental differences in the worlds of men and women that go beyond teetering in high heels and tightening up with Spanx. Lee and Angel are determined to keep their ruse going for as long as they can — and keep their newly found jobs — in this smart, funny and relevant look at male and female relationships at work, at home and socially. Being a better man sometimes means having to be a better woman.

The ‘Tastic says:  Ugh… and the trend continues.  This time, turning heterosexual misogynistic men into transvestites so that they can get jobs in this mythical universe where women run everything.  What we can’t believe is that they actually called this “high-concept.”  We’re sorry, but didn’t ABC already try this show with Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari 30 years ago and call it Bosom Buddies (except the guys weren’t absolute pigs)?  My God, who on God’s green Earth would ever confuse the two of those dopes in this show for women.  At least Scolari and Hanks were kinda pretty for dudes.  Reboot FAIL.  This show is a big floating turd and they don’t even have a catchy theme song by Billy Joel to look forward to.  And on that note to make up for the minute and a half of your life that will be wasted and the fact that you probably will vomit after watching the trailer below, here’s a little treat for you:

Billy Joel – My Life

ALERT! ABC Announces 2011 – 2012 Schedule

Here it is, folks, direct from the ABC Upfront Advertising Event, ABC’s 2011 – 2012 Primetime Programming Schedule (scroll down for complete schedule).  Please note, if you don’t see your favorite show from this season, recent cancellations have been covered here.

If you have any questions about other shows, post them below.

Some programming notes:

  • With all of the slashing and burning ABC has done over the last four days, they really haven’t put up much of an impressive schedule.  It’s heavy with reality and dramas that have a lot “familiar” (OK… recycled) themes to them.
  • ABC’s new strategy is apparently to become the Lifetime of the major Networks. Notice the heavily gyno-centric storylines and soaps.  The shows that do feature men prominently, portray them as emasculated and buffoonish. ABC, you suck enough already. Who is this going to appeal to?  Isn’t it enough that you completely emasculated Michael Chiklis in No Ordinary Family, turning Vic Mackie into Victoria Mackie?
  • These new comedies look terrible.
  • You’ll see the phrase “high-concept” appear regularly throughout these and other network’s show descriptions.  What this means is that audiences probably won’t like but ABC is going to blame that on the fact that you’re just too stupid to get it.
  • We see one maybe two new shows that look interesting, the rest looks pretty awful.
  • NOTE: you’ll notice that the Fall schedule is pretty thin for new shows considering that they picked up a dozen of them on Friday.  ABC has not released their midseason 2011 – 2012 schedule and won’t until December.  All of the new show descriptions for 2011 – 2012 are listed at below the schedule.   We’ll be doing a preview assessment on all of the new shows as well as providing trailers as soon as they are available.

ABC’S FALL 2011 SCHEDULE

Via Press Release:

MONDAY

8:00 p.m.             Dancing with the Stars

10:00 p.m.           Castle

TUESDAY

8:00 p.m.             Last Man Standing (NEW!)

8:30 p.m.             Man Up (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.             Dancing with the Stars the Results Show

10:00 p.m.           Body of Proof

WEDNESDAY

8:00 p.m.            The Middle

8:30 p.m.            Suburgatory (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.            Modern Family

9:30 p.m.            Happy Endings

10:00 p.m.          Revenge (NEW!)

THURSDAY

8:00 p.m.             Charlie’s Angels (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.             Grey’s Anatomy

10:00 p.m.           Private Practice

FRIDAY

8:00 p.m.              Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

9:00 p.m.              Shark Tank

10:00 p.m.            20/20

SATURDAY

8:00 p.m.              Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY

7:00 p.m.              America’s Funniest Home Videos

8:00 p.m.              Once Upon a Time (NEW!)

9:00 p.m.              Desperate Housewives

10:00 p.m.            Pan Am (NEW!)

ABC’S NEW SHOW DESCRIPTIONS: 

FALL

Last Man Standing:  Today it’s a woman’s world, and this man’s man is on a mission to get men back to their rightful place in society.

Tim Allen returns to ABC in this new comedy from Jack Burditt (“30 Rock”). Men may have built civilizations, invented the locomotive and created ESPN, but they’re about to find out that it’s not a man’s world anymore. You can’t get manlier than Mike Baxter. He’s the marketing director for an iconic outdoor sporting goods store, he loves to have adventures while he’s traveling for work and, of course, he drives a pick-up truck. While Mike is king of the hill at work, he’s the odd man out in a home that is dominated by women — namely his wife, Vanessa, and their three daughters, 22- year-old Kristin, 17-year-old Mandy and 14-year-old Eve. After being a stay-at-home mom for years, Vanessa recently returned to the workplace and was quickly promoted (much to the dismay of her primarily male co-workers). As a result of Vanessa’s increased work load, Mike is pulled into more hands-on parenting than ever before.

The show stars Tim Allen (“Home Improvement”) as Mike, Nancy Travis (“So I Married an Axe Murderer,” “Three Men and a Baby”) as Vanessa, Molly Ephraim as Mandy, Alexandra Krosney as Kristin, Kaitlyn Dever as Eve and Hector Elizondo (“Chicago Hope”) as Ed.

“Last Man Standing” was written by Jack Burditt (“30 Rock”), who also serves as executive producer with Tim Allen, Becky Clements, Marty Adelstein (“Prison Break”), Shawn Levy (“Night at the Museum”), Richard Baker (“The Santa Clause,” The Santa Clause 2”) and Rick Messina (“The Santa Clause,” The Santa Clause 2”). John Pasquin (“Home Improvement,” “The Santa Clause”) directed. “Last Man Standing” is from Twentieth Century Fox Television.

Man Up:  Three modern men try to get in touch with their inner tough guys and redefine what it means to be a “real man” in this funny and relatable comedy.

Will’s grandfather fought in WWII. Will’s father fought in Vietnam. Will plays Call of Duty on his PS3 and drinks non-dairy hazelnut creamer. So what happened to all the real men? They’re still here — they just smell like pomegranate body wash now. Meet Will (Mather Zickel). His evolved, sensitive nature is why his awesome wife, Theresa (Teri Polo), married him. But Will and his friends find themselves wondering — in a world of Axe ads and manscaping — what does it really mean to be a guy anymore? Will is more interested in finding the perfect gift for his son Nathan’s (Jake Johnson) 13th birthday than in doing his job selling insurance; sensitive soul Craig (Christopher Moynihan) still pines for his college ex, Lisa; and Kenny (Dan Fogler) clamps down on his anger and asks himself, “What would Tobey Maguire do?,” when his ex, Brenda (Amanda Detmer), starts seeing a guy (Henry Simmons) who is everything he’s not and much better looking. After Craig crashes Lisa’s wedding to try to win her back, they are all faced with an opportunity to Man Up and be like their forefathers.

The show stars Christopher Moynihan as Craig, Mather Zickel (“The Cape”) as Will, Dan Fogler (“Balls of Fury”) as Kenny, Teri Polo (“Meet the Fockers”) as Theresa, Amanda Detmer (“What About Brian”) as Brenda and Henry Simmons (“Shark”) as Grant.

“Man Up” comes from writer/executive producer/actor Christopher Moynihan (“100 Questions”), executive producer Victor Fresco (“Better off Ted”), Ron West and Kelly Kulchak of Tagline Television (Psych) and director Beth McCarthy-Miller (“SNL,” “30 Rock”). ”Man Up” is produced by ABC Studios.

Suburgatory: Single father George only wants the best for his 16-year-old daughter, Tessa. So when he finds a box of condoms on her nightstand, he moves them out of their apartment in New York City to a house in the suburbs. But all Tessa sees is the horror of over-manicured lawns and plastic Franken-moms. Being in the ‘burbs can be hell, but it also may just bring Tessa and George closer than they’ve ever been.

Tessa (Jane Levy) and George (Jeremy Sisto) have been on their own ever since Tessa’s mom pulled a “Kramer vs. Kramer” before she was even potty trained. So far, George has done a pretty good job of raising Tessa without a maternal figure in their lives, but suddenly he’s feeling a little out of his league. So it’s goodbye New York City and hello suburbs. At first Tessa is horrified by the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers and their sugar-free Red Bull-chugging kids. But little by little she and her dad begin finding a way to survive on the clean streets of the ‘burbs. Sure, the neighbors might smother you with love while their kids stare daggers at your back, but underneath all that plastic and caffeine, they’re really not half bad. And they do make a tasty pot roast.

The show stars Jeremy Sisto (“Law & Order”) as George Altman, Jane Levy (“Shameless”) as Tessa Altman, Carly Chaikin (“The Last Song”) as Dalia Royce, Allie Grant (“Weeds”) as Lisa, Alan Tudyk (“V”) as Noah Lerner and Cheryl Hines (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”) as Dallas Royce. Ana Gasteyer (“Saturday Night Live”) guest stars.

Emily Kapnek (“Hung”) writes and executive-produces this bitingly ironic single-camera comedy. “Suburgatory” was directed by Michael Fresco (“Raising Hope”), who also executive-produced the pilot. It is produced by Warner Bros. Television.

Revenge:  Wealth, beauty and status define the people in this town, but one woman is willing to destroy everyone for the sake of revenge.

Emily Thorne (Emily Van Camp) is new to the Hamptons. She’s met some of her wealthy neighbors, has made a few new friends and seemingly blends into the town. But something is a little odd about a young girl living in a wealthy town all on her own, and the truth is that Emily isn’t exactly new to the neighborhood. In fact, this was once her old neighborhood, until something bad happened that ruined her family and their reputation. Now Emily is back, and she’s returned to right some of those wrongs in the best way she knows how – with a vengeance.

“Revenge” stars Madeleine Stowe (“We Were Soldiers,” “The Last of the Mohicans”) as Victoria Grayson, Emily Van Camp (“Brothers & Sisters,” “Everwood”) as Emily Thorne, Gabriel Mann (“The Bourne Identity”) as Nolan Ross, Henry Czerny (“Mission: Impossible,” “Clear and Present Danger”) as Conrad Grayson, Ashley Madekwe (“Secret Diary of a Call Girl”) as Ashley Davenport, Nick Wechsler (“Roswell”) as Jack Porter, Josh Bowman (“Prowl”) as Daniel Grayson, Christa B. Allen (“13 Going on 30”) as Charlotte Grayson and Connor Paolo (“Gossip Girl”) as Declan Porter.

“Revenge” is written and executive-produced by Mike Kelley (“Swingtown”), along with executive producers Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey (“Twilight”). The pilot is directed and executive-produced by Phillip Noyce (“Salt”). “Revenge” is produced by ABC Studios.

Charlie’s AngelsEveryone deserves a second chance — even a thief, a street racer and a cop who got in a little too deep. After all, the three women who solve cases for their elusive boss, Charlie Townsend, are no saints. They’re angels… Charlie’s Angels.

Set in Miami, this fun, glamorous, action-packed take on the 1970s smash hit series introduces us to three new angels, all fearless detectives, head-turning beauties and close friends. There’s Abby (Rachael Taylor), a Park Avenue princess who became a world-class thief. Then there’s Kate (Annie Ilonzeh), a Miami cop who fell from grace, losing both her career and her fiancé. Finally there’s Gloria, a disgraced army lieutenant who has a way with explosives. When one of the angels’ missions ends in Gloria’s tragic death, Charlie persuades them to partner with Gloria’s childhood friend, Eve (Minka Kelly), a street racer with a mysterious past. They may not know each other yet, but one thing’s for sure — Abby, Kate and Eve will always have each others’ backs.

“Charlie’s Angels” stars Annie Ilonzeh (“General Hospital”) as Kate Prince, Minka Kelly (“Parenthood,” “Friday Night Lights”) as Eve, Rachael Taylor (“Grey’s Anatomy”) as Abby Sampson and Ramon Rodriguez (“The Wire,” “Daybreak”) as Bosley.

Written and executive-produced by Alfred Gough & Miles Millar (“Smallville”), “Charlie’s Angels” is also executive-produced by Drew Barrymore (“Charlie’s Angels” movies), Leonard Goldberg (the original “Charlie’s Angels”) and Nancy Juvonen (“Charlie’s Angels” movies). It’s directed and executive-produced by Marcos Siega (“Vampire Diaries,” “Dexter”). “Charlie’s Angels” is produced by Millar/Gough Ink, Flower Films and Panda Productions in association with Sony Pictures Television.

Once Upon A Time:  From the inventive minds of “Lost” executive producers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis comes a bold new imagining of the world, where fairy tales and the modern-day are about to collide.

And they all lived happily ever after – or so everyone was led to believe. Emma Swan knows how to take care of herself. She’s a 28-year-old bail bonds collector who’s been on her own ever since she was abandoned as a baby. But when the son she gave up years ago finds her, everything starts to change. Henry is now 10 years old and in desperate need of Emma’s help. He believes that Emma actually comes from an alternate world and is Snow White and Prince Charming’s missing daughter. According to his book of fairytales, they sent her away to protect her from the Evil Queen’s curse, which trapped the fairytale world forever, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world. Of course Emma doesn’t believe a word, but when she brings Henry back to Storybrooke, she finds herself drawn to this unusual boy and his strange New England town. Concerned for Henry, she decides to stay for a while, but she soon suspects that Storybrooke is more than it seems. It’s a place where magic has been forgotten, but is still powerfully close… where fairytale characters are alive, even though they don’t remember who they once were. The epic battle for the future of all worlds is beginning, but for good to win, Emma will have to accept her destiny and fight like hell.

“Once Upon a Time” stars Ginnifer Goodwin (“Big Love”) as Snow White/Sister Mary Margaret, Jennifer Morrison (“House MD”) as Emma Swan, Robert Carlyle (“The Full Monty,” “Trainspotting,” “SGU Stargate Universe”) as Rumplestiltskin/Mr. Gold, Lana Parrilla as Evil Queen/Regina, Jamie Dornan as Sheriff Graham, Jared Gilmore (“Mad Men”) as Henry, Josh Dallas as Prince Charming/John Doe and Raphael Sbarge as Jiminy Cricket/Archie.

“Once Upon a Time” was written by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, who are also executive producers, along with Steve Pearlman (ABC’s “V”). The pilot is directed and executive-produced by Mark Mylod (“Entourage”). “Once Upon a Time” is from ABC Studios.

Pan Am:  Passion, jealousy and espionage… They do it all – and they do it at 30,000 feet. The style of the 1960s, the energy and excitement of the Jet Age and a drama full of sexy entanglements deliciously mesh in this thrilling and highly-original new series.

In this modern world, air travel represents the height of luxury and Pan Am is the biggest name in the business. The planes are glamorous, the pilots are rock stars and the stewardesses are the most desirable women in the world. Not only are these flyboys and girls young and good looking, but to represent Pan Am they also have to be educated, cultured and refined. They’re trained to handle everything from in-air emergencies to unwanted advances – all without rumpling their pristine uniforms or mussing their hair. There’s Dean (Jonah Lotan) – a cocky, charismatic and ambitious new pilot – the first of a new breed not trained in the war. On the sly against company policy, he’s dating Bridget, a stunning beauty with a mysterious past. A rebellious bohemian, Maggie (Christina Ricci) turns into a buttoned up professional for work so she can see the world. Rounding out the crew are flirtatious Collette (Karine Vanasse), the adventurous Kate (Kelli Garner) and, finally, Laura (Margot Robbie) – Kate’s beauty queen younger sister, a runaway bride, who recently fled a life of domestic boredom to take to the skies.

“Pan Am” stars Christina Ricci (“Penelope”) as Maggie, Kelli Garner (“Going the Distance”) as Kate, Karine Vanasse (“Polytechnique”) as Colette, Margot Robbie (“Neighbours”) as Laura, Jonah Lotan (“24”) as Dean and Michael Mosley (“Justified”) as Ted.

Jack Orman (“ER,” “Men of a Certain Age,”), Tommy Schlamme (“The West Wing,” “Parenthood,”

“Mr. Sunshine”) and Nancy Hult Ganis (“Akeelah and the Bee”) are the executive producers of “Pan Am.” Orman is also the writer, with Schlamme directing. “Pan Am” is produced by Jack Orman Productions, Out of the Blue Entertainment and Shoe Money Productions in association with Sony Pictures Television.

MIDSEASON

Good Christian Belles:  The soap returns to Dallas in this wicked new drama that shows that you can go home again… but only if you’re ready to face the sins of your past.

Amanda Vaughn (Leslie Bibb), once the ultimate high school “mean girl,” is forced to return home in disgrace after her marriage ends in scandal. Amanda is nothing like the girl she was 20 years ago, but as her old classmates reacquaint themselves with the new Amanda, will her home town welcome her with open arms or seek revenge? No one in this town is a saint, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a heart. As Amanda and her teenage kids try to adjust to their new lives, the ladies from her past alternate between sympathy and scheming.

“Good Christian Belles” stars Leslie Bibb (“Iron Man”) as Amanda Vaughn, Kristin Chenoweth (“Pushing Daisies”) as Carlene Cockburn, Annie Potts (“Law And Order: Special Victims Unit,” “Joan of Arcadia”) as Gigi Stopper, Jennifer Aspen (“Rodney”) as Sharon Peacham, Miriam Shor (“Swingtown” “Damages”) as Cricket Caruth-Reilly, Marisol Nichols (“24”) as Heather Cruz, Brad Beyer (“Jericho”) as Zack Peacham, Mark Deklin (“Lone Star”) as Blake Reilly and David James Elliott (“JAG”) as Ripp Cockburn.

Based on Kim Gatlin’s hit book, Good Christian Bitches, “Good Christian Belles” is executive-produced by Darren Star (“Sex and the City”), Robert Harling (“Steel Magnolias”) and Aaron Kaplan. The pilot is written by Robert Harling and executive-produced and directed by Alan Poul. “Good Christian Belles” is produced by ABC Studios.

Missing: Becca Winstone (Ashley Judd) learns that her son, Michael, disappears while studying abroad, and it’s a race against time when she travels to Europe to track him down. A surprising turn of events reveals just how far one mother will go to protect her family. Exotic locations and thrilling twists will keep you riveted in “Missing.”

How far would you go to save the only thing you have left in the world? At 8 years old, Michael watched as his father, CIA Agent Paul Winstone, was murdered. Now 10 years later, Paul’s wife, Becca, is faced with the reality of her son growing up. When Michael is afforded the opportunity to study abroad, his mother reluctantly agrees it’s time to let him go. Just a few weeks into his trip Michael disappears, and Becca immediately suspects foul play. When she arrives in Rome, she begins piecing together the clues left behind. It isn’t long before the kidnappers realize they’ve picked a fight with the wrong woman. Becca Winstone has a secret of her own — before Paul’s death, she was also a lethal CIA Agent. But if she wants to find her son alive, Becca will have to rely on old friends and reopen old wounds. Her resourcefulness, skill and determination will be put to the test – but a mother’s love knows no limits.

“Missing” stars Ashley Judd (“Double Jeopardy,” “Kiss the Girls”) as Becca Winstone, Sean Bean (“Game Of Thrones”) as Paul Winstone, Cliff Curtis (“Trauma”) as Dax, Adriano Giannini (“Oceans Twelve”) as Giancarlo, Nick Eversman (“Cinema Verite”) as Michael Winstone and Tereza Voriskova (“Borgia”) as Oksana.

“Missing” comes from writer Gregory Poirier (“National Treasure: Book of Secrets”) and executive producers Gina Matthews, Grant Scharbo (“The Gates”), Steve Shill (Emmy winner for directing “Dexter” who will direct episodes of “Missing”) and James Parriott (“Sons Of Anarchy”). “Missing” is produced by Stillking Films.

The River:  “The River” follows the story of wildlife expert and TV personality Emmet Cole. Emmet set course around the world with his wife, Tess, and son, Lincoln, while filming what would become one of the most popular shows in television. After he goes missing deep in the Amazon, his family, friends and crew set out on a mysterious and deadly journey to find him.

Famed explorer Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) went looking for magic deep in the uncharted Amazon and never returned. The shocking truth about his disappearance is out there, somewhere, just waiting to be discovered. To the millions of kids who grew up watching his nature show, Dr. Cole was a hero. To his own son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson), he was more of an enigma. Now, six months after he vanished, Lincoln is finally ready to bury the past when Dr. Cole’s emergency beacon suddenly goes off. At the urging of his mother, Tess (Leslie Hope), Lincoln reluctantly joins her on a search for his father. To fund the rescue, they agree to let Dr. Cole’s cagey ex-producer, Clark (Paul Blackthorne), film the mission documentary-style. The mixed crew of old friends and new acquaintances includes the sexy and resourceful Lena (Eloise Mumford), loyal mechanic Emilio (Daniel Zacapa) and lethal bodyguard Captain Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann).

“The River” stars Bruce Greenwood (“Star Trek”) as Emmet Cole, Joe Anderson (“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Parts 1 and 2”) as Lincoln Cole, Paul Blackthorne (“Lipstick Jungle”) as Clark, Paulina Gaitan as Jahel, Leslie Hope (“24”) as Tess Cole, Eloise Mumford (“Lone Star”) as Lena, Shaun Parkes (“The Mummy Returns”) as Adjay, Thomas Kretschmann (“King Kong”) as Captain Kurt Brynildson and Daniel Zacapa (“Resurrection Blvd.”) as Emilio.

“The River,” from Amblin’s Steven Spielberg, Daryl Frank and Justin Falvey, showrunner/executive producer Michael Green (“Heroes,” “Kings”), is also executive-produced by Oren Peli (creator of “Paranormal Activity”), Zack Estrin, Jason Blum and Steven Schneider. Teleplay by Michael R. Perry and Michael Green, story by Oren Peli & Michael R. Perry and Michael Green. The pilot is directed by Jaume Collet-Serra and produced by ABC Studios.

Scandal:  From the creator and executive producers of “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Private Practice” comes a drama revolving around the life and work of a professional crisis manager and her dysfunctional staff.

A former media relations consultant to the President, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) dedicates her life to protecting and defending the public images of our nation’s elite. After leaving the White House, the power consultant opened her own firm, hoping to start a new chapter — both professionally and personally — but she can’t seem to completely cut ties with her past. Slowly it becomes apparent that her staff, who specialize in fixing the lives of other people, can’t quite fix the ones closest at hand — their own.

“Scandal” stars Kerry Washington (“Ray”) as Olivia Pope, Henry Ian Cusick (“Lost”) as Stephen Finch, Columbus Short (“Stomp the Yard”) as Harrison Wright, Guillermo Diaz (“Half-Baked”) as Huck, Darby Stanchfield as Abby Whelan, Katie Lowes as Quinn Perkins, Tony Goldwyn (“Ghost”) as President Fitzgerald Grant and Jeff Perry (“Grey’s Anatomy”) as Cyrus.

“Scandal” was written by Shonda Rhimes (“Grey’s Anatomy,” “Private Practice”). Rhimes and Betsy Beers (“Grey’s Anatomy,” “Private Practice”) are executive producers. Paul McGuigan is the director. “Scandal” is produced by ABC Studios.

Apartment 23:  After a naïve Midwestern girl’s big city dreams are dashed her first week in New York, she finds herself living with her worst nightmare in this hilarious, contemporary comedy about a female odd couple who are surrounded by an outrageous cast of characters.

June (Dreama Walker) moves to Manhattan for a dream job and the perfect company apartment, only to have them disappear in a puff of reality, thanks to a CEO from the Bernie Madoff school of embezzlement. Deep in debt and out on the streets, June scrambles to land a job and place to live. It seems her luck has turned around when she gets hired at a coffee shop and finds Chloe (Krysten Ritter), a charming, vivacious roommate… with the morals of a pirate. She swindles June out of all her savings, but she and her snarky friend, James Van Der Beek (playing himself), soon learn that, just because June’s naïve, she isn’t stupid. June ingeniously turns the tables on Chloe, who is so shocked about being scammed herself that she decides to pull June into her colorful band of friends. Sure, it’s all dysfunctional, bizarre and overwhelming, but so is New York City. And with the help of Chloe and the other oddballs around her, June might just learn the survival secrets she needs to make it there.

“Apartment 23” stars Krysten Ritter (“Breaking Bad,” “Gilmore Girls”) as Chloe, Dreama Walker (“The Good Wife,” “Gossip Girl”) as June, Eric André as Mark, Michael Blaiklock as Eli and James Van Der Beek (“Varsity Blues,” “Dawson’s Creek”) as James Van Der Beek.

Created and written by Nahnatchka Kahn (“American Dad”), “Apartment 23” is executive-produced by Kahn, Jason Winer (“Modern Family”), Dave Hemingson (“American Dad,” “How I Met Your Mother”) and Jeff Morton (“Modern Family”). Winer is also the director. “Apartment 23” is a production of 20th Century Fox Television.

Work It:  This high-concept comedy centers on two unrepentant guy’s guys who, unable to find work, dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. Not only do they pull it off, but they might just learn to be better men in the process.

With unemployment an ongoing issue and women now outnumbering men in the workforce, the new comedy series “Work It” follows two alpha males who realize the only way to beat the current “mancession” and land a job in pharmaceutical sales is to pass themselves off as women. Combining all the best elements of the workplace comedy, the buddy comedy and the family comedy, “Work It” centers on Lee Standish (Ben Koldyke) — a quick-witted and likable family man who used to be a top car salesman until he got laid off — and Angel Ortiz (Amaury Nolasco) — a single, hot-headed ladies’ man with no filter — who quickly learn there are fundamental differences in the worlds of men and women that go beyond teetering in high heels and tightening up with Spanx. Lee and Angel are determined to keep their ruse going for as long as they can — and keep their newly found jobs — in this smart, funny and relevant look at male and female relationships at work, at home and socially. Being a better man sometimes means having to be a better woman.

The show stars Ben Koldyke (“How I Met Your Mother”) as Lee, Amaury Nolasco (“Prison Break”) as Angel, Beth Lacke (“Happy Hour”) as Connie, John Caparulo (“Chelsea Lately”) as Brian, Rebecca Mader (“Lost”) as Grace, Rochelle Aytes (“Detroit 1-8-7”) as Vanessa, Kate Reinders (“Sherrie”) as Kelly, Kirstin Eggers (“Aussie and Ted’s Great Adventure”) as Kristin and Kacie Lynch (“Barney and Friends”) as Kat.

“Work It” was written by Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen (“Friends,” “Rules of Engagement”). Reich and Cohen are the executive producers. Beth McCarthy Miller (“Saturday Night Live,” “30 Rock”) is the director. “Work It” is produced by Bonanza Productions, Inc. in association with Summer School Productions and Warner Bros. Television.

100th Post! ABC Cancels V, Brothers And Sisters & 5 More Shows, Renews Body of Proof, Happy Endings, Picks Up Charlie’s Angels, 11 More…

It’s our 100th Post, Yay!

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that ABC went mad-crazy on Friday dumping seven shows including five freshman shows, renewing two and picking up a whopping twelve new scripted shows, all in advance of tomorrow’s upfront advertising event where they’ll announce their schedule for the 2011 – 2012 season.

Canceled:

VThe phrase “no surprise here” is really a running theme with all of these canceled shows on ABC but never is it more appropriate than for V. V was phenomenal in its first season but by the third episode of the second season, it had become one of the most ridiculous and embarrassing SciFi shows ever produced.  Fans will of course blame ABC for how they scheduled, this is nonsense.  The show turned and we’ve actually been working on a remedial course that will published i na couple of weeks for folks who don’t understand why V was so damned ridiculous.  We’re not saying that we’re happy about its departure, but we sure as Hell understand why it was canceled and make no doubt about it, it deserved to be canceled.

Detroit 1-8-7This is a very sad, albeit necessary cancellation.  D-187 was one of the best police procedurals in recent memory and we were sure it was going to be terrible.  It’s unfortunate that it couldn’t find an audience.  Again, the writing for this show was on the wall since November 2010.

No Ordinary Family*sigh*  What’s unfortunate about this cancellation is how much potential this series had and how it completely fell off the rails.  The show became less about superheroes and more about this dysfunctional family and wore thin very quickly.  Not to mention, Jim Powell (Michael Chiklis) is the probably the most emasculated male lead character in the history of television.

Off the Map:  We got through twenty minutes of the pilot, to turn it off.  Terrible writing, terrible acting and just complete and utter tripe.  It’s nothing but typical recycled procedural crap.  Good-bye, you won’t be missed. We hated this show so much, we couldn’t bring ourselves to do a review on it.  Fortunately, Off the Map is off the map.

Mr. SunshineWe actually forced ourselves to sit through two episodes of this mess. This was a very poor rip-off if 30 Rock was one of the worst shows we’ve seen this season.  It was nothing ut really bad recycled jokes, recycled characters and recycled plotlines.  Good Riddance.  Maybe it will be another decade before we’ll have to be subjected to Matthew Perry again. What?  We can’t be the only ones who thinks Friends is one of the worst pieces of crap shows ever made.

Better With You:  We made it through three episodes and the last two minutes of every episode that wound up on our DVR recordings of Modern Family.  This may be one of the worst shows ever made next to $#*! My Dad Says.  There was nothing funny about this and it abused every sitcom cliché from the last 50 years of television and it made us angry that the producers had such a low opinion of their audience.

Brothers and Sisters:  We have no problem with this show and in fact we’ve never watched it but we understand that it had a loyal following (Little Sister ‘Tastic was a big fan).  The problem was that viewership had been steadily declining and once you get past the fifth season, if the ratings aren’t there to justify higher ad-revenues it’s impossible to keep a show because at this point the production costs (including cast salaried) increase dramatically.

Renewed:

Body of ProofWe don’t understand the appeal of this show, but then again we don’t understand the appeal of all safe procedurals.  This show really particularly stupid, with dopey and recycled premises and really bad dialogue.  But, alas, what do we know as audiences seem to love it.

Happy Endings:  We have to be honest, we haven’t had time to watch this show but it does look very funny and it does have strong critical buzz surrounding it so we’re looking forward to watching it over the summer and reviewing it.  Part of the reason we didn’t put it to the front of our schedule is that based on the ratings, we weren’t expecting it to be renewed.  Good for them!

Picked Up (We’ll be providing our assessments of the new shows shortly after the schedule announcement is made on Tuesday):

Charlie’s Angels:  A modern take on the 1970s series starring Annie Ilonzeh (Melrose Place), Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights, Parenthood) and Rachael Taylor (Grey’s Anatomy) as Charlie’s (Robert Wagner) new Angels. The Miami-set drama, from Sony Pictures Television, is written by Smallville duo Alfred Gough and Miles Millar and produced by Nancy Juvonen (Whip It), Leonard Goldberg (the Charlie’s Angels features) and Drew Barrymore, who appeared in the big-screen reboot. Marcos Siega (The Vampire Diaries) directed the pilot.

Last Man Standing: The project centers on the former Home Improvement star, who is fighting for his manhood in a world increasingly dominated by women. Nancy Travis (So I Married an Axe Murderer) co-stars in the multicamera comedy from 20th Television. Jack Burditt (30 Rock) penned the pilot, with Marty Adelstein (Prison Break), Becky Clements and Shawn Levy (Date Night) on board as producers. Insiders believe the mutlicam Allen vehicle, which has had “lock” status for weeks, will launch a second ABC comedy block, likely on Tuesdays (Improvement‘s old stomping ground).

Pan Am: From Sony, the sexy soap set in the 1960s focuses on stewardesses and pilots, some of whom live double lives as spies. Christina Ricci stars in her first series regular role in the drama written and produced by Jack Orman (ER). Also producing are Sid Ganis, Nancy Hult Ganis and Thomas Schlamme (The West Wing), who helmed the pilot.

Apartment 23: The a single-camera comedy from 20th TV centers on a Midwestern girl (Dreama Walker, The Good Wife) whose big-city dreams are dashed after her first week in New York, where she finds herself living with her worst nightmare (Krysten Ritter, Breaking Bad). James Van Der Beek (Dawson’s Creek) co-stars as himself in his first series comedy role. Nahnatchka Khan (American Dad) and Dave Hemingson (Traffic Light) penned the pilot and will produce along with Jeffrey Morton (Traffic Light). Jason Winer (Modern Family) helmed the pilot.

Good Christian Belles (formerly Good Christian Bitches): The soap revolves around a former high school “mean girl” (Leslie Bibb, Popular) who returns home to Dallas after her marriage ends in scandal. The series, from ABC Studios, also stars Kristin Chenoweth (Glee) and Annie Potts (Designing Women). Robert Harling(Laws of Attraction), who penned the pilot, produces alongside Darren Star (Sex and the City) and Aaron Kaplan. Alan Poul (Six Feet Under) directed the pilot. The series is based on the book by Kim Gatlin.

Revenge: The Count of Monte Cristo-inspired soap from Mike Kelley (Swingtown), centers on a woman (Emily VanCamp, Brothers and Sisters) who moves to the Hamptons. The ABC Studios pilot, which was directed by Phillip Noyce, counts Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey as executive producers.

Once Upon a Time: A fantasy drama that revolves around a woman (Jennifer Morrison, How I Met Your Mother) who, after a boy who claims to be her son shows up, is drawn into a town where fairy tales might be real. Ginnifer Goodwin (Big Love) co-stars as Snow White in a cast that also includes Robert Carlyle (Stargate Universe) and Josh Dallas (Thor) as Prince Charming.Lost’s Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz penned the pilot and will produce alongside Steve Pearlman (V) and Mark Mylod (Shameless), who directed the pilot from ABC’s sister studio.

Scandal (formerly Damage Control): The drama revolves around the life and work of a professional fixer (Kerry Washington) and her staff. Lost’s Henry Ian Cusick co-stars as her right-hand man and Tony Goldwyn plays the president. It is based on the career of crisis management consultant Judy Smith, who serves alongside producers including Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice) and Betsy Beers (Grey’s Anatomy). From ABC Studios, the pilot was directed by Paul McGuigan (Lucky Number Slevin).

The River: A stylized project that follows a crew through the Amazon in search of a missing adventurer. Eloise Mumford (Lone Star) stars in the ABC Studios drama written by Michael Green (Kings) and Michael R. Perry (Persons Unknown). Executive producers include Oren Peliand Jason Blum (Paranormal Activity), Darryl Frank and Justin Falvey (United States of Tara), Zack Estrin (No Ordinary Family) and Steven Schneider (Paranormal Activity). Jaume Collet-Serra directed the pilot, which was shot in Puerto Rico.

Work It: The cross-dressing comedy from Warner Bros. TV and Andrew Reich and Ted Cohen(Friends), revolves around two out-of-work car salesmen (Amaury Nolasco, Ben Koldyke) who dress as women in order to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. Beth McCarthy Miller directed the pilot.

Suburgatory: The project stars Jane Levy as a New Yorker who moves to a cookie-cutter community and discovers that the suburbs is more frightening than any horror movie she’s seen. Jeremy Sisto (Law & Order), Alan Tudyk (Firefly) and Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm) co-star. The single-camera comedy from Warner Bros. TV was written by Emily Kapnek (Hung, Parks and Recreation), with the pilot directed by Mike Fresco (Raising Hope, Better Off Ted).

Man Up: The single-camera comedy from ABC Studios and Chris Moynihan (Coupling) is a look at what it takes to survive as a modern man, as told through the eyes of three best friends and the women in their lives.

Summer Sci-Fi Alert! TNT’s Falling Skies Two Hour Premiere – Sunday, June 19th At 9:00 p.m.

FALLING SKIES opens in the chaotic aftermath of an alien attack that has left most of the world completely incapacitated. In the six months since the initial invasion, the few survivors have banded together outside major cities to begin the difficult task of fighting back. Each day is a test of survival as citizen soldiers work to protect the people in their care while also engaging in an insurgency campaign against the occupying alien force. 

At the center of the series is Tom Mason (Noah Wyle), a Boston history professor whose family has been torn apart. His wife was killed in the initial attack, and one of his three sons has been captured. Determined to get his son back and to ensure the safety of his other two sons, Tom must put his extensive knowledge of military history to the test as one of the leaders of the resistance movement known as the 2nd Mass, because of their location in Boston, Mass. They are constantly trying to gain intelligence about the aliens in order to one day outsmart and overtake them and hopefully rebuild their lives. 

Moon Bloodgood (Terminator Salvation) co-stars as Anne Glass, a pediatrician who works with the surviving children to help them cope with the traumatic upheaval in their lives. Will Patton (Armageddon, TNT’s Into the West) plays a fierce leader of the resistance, Weaver. The series also stars Drew Roy (Secretariat) as Hal, Tom’s oldest son and a growing fighter in the resistance movement; Maxim Knight (Brothers & Sisters) as Matt, Tom’s youngest son; Connor Jessup (The Saddle Club) as Ben, Tom’s son who was captured by aliens; and Seychelle Gabriel (Weeds) as Lourdes, an orphaned teenager who helps Anne in the group’s makeshift medical clinic. Colin Cunningham (Living in Your Car) is John Pope, the leader of an outlaw motorcycle gang and Sarah Carter (Shark) is Margaret, a wary survivor of Pope’s gang. 

FALLING SKIES focuses on the resilience of the survivors and their determination to maintain their humanity when all else has been destroyed. It is a tale of endurance, commitment and courage in which everyday people are called upon to become heroes. They may be outmatched, outnumbered and outgunned, but nothing can beat the human spirit. Most of all, the series is about the ties that bind people together in the most difficult of circumstances. 

The aliens in the series are mighty, mysterious and merciless. They are highly intelligent and use military-like tactics, which makes them an overwhelming force against the 2nd Mass. There are two types of aliens that the human survivors have named Skitters and Mechs. Combining live action and special visual effects, the Skitters have spider-like bodies and incredible strength and agility. The deadly, robotic Mechs stand upright and can shoot bullets from their arms. The aliens control captured children, like Tom’s son Ben, through bio-mechanical harnesses but have yet to reveal their ultimate plan for them. 

FALLING SKIES is executive-produced by Steven Spielberg, along with DreamWorks Television heads Justin Falvey and Darryl Frank, Graham Yost (Justified, The Pacific) and screenwriter Robert Rodat. Rodat, who earned an Oscar® nomination for his screenplay for Saving Private Ryan, wrote the pilot from an idea he co-conceived with Spielberg. Mark Verheiden (Heroes, Battlestar Galactica) and Greg Beeman (Heroes, Smallville) are co-executive producers. The pilot was directed by Carl Franklin (One False Move, Out of Time).  – TNT

Official Trailer:

Longer First Look Extended Trailer:


Steven Spielberg

So, here’s the question of the month:  How the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks did we miss this. Seriously, we’re genetically predisposed to have the first scoop on all new SciFi programming out there.  This is just embarrassing.  We only heard about Falling Skies yesterday when we saw the trailer on TNT and thought it was for a summer blockbuster that we didn’t know about.

That being said, this looks exceptionally well-done for basic cable with Dreamworks producing it and Steven Spielberg heavily involved with creating the aliens. Dare we say, it looks even better than Terra Nova and we think it has a better chance of staying on the air for a second season then TN as well because basically they’ve done everything right, so far, as far as production of Sci-Fi television is concerned.

  1. Yes... yes they do.

    It’s on Basic Cable and NOT on a Major Network. Better yet, it’s on TNT which overall in 2010 was the #4 cable Network on television and #2 for original non-niche scripted programming (for clarification, Disney and ESPN, #2 and #3, respectively, are niche networks) behind only USA.  The expectation for high audience numbers is dramatically lower on basic cable than it is on major network which is a luxury that TN doesn’t have on FOX and to make matters worse for TN, over the past decade, Sci-Fi is DEAD on Network television for this generation of audiences and has been an abysmal failure every time it’s been attempted and this dovetails into the next advantage for renewal FS has…

  2. $$$$ Because FS is on basic cable, the production costs will be dramatically lower than any show on a major network and considering that TN is the most expensive show in the history of television, we can only imagine that the production costs of FS is infinitesimal in comparison to TN.  Again, this goes back to the ratings expectations that TNT will have for  FS as opposed to what FOX will have for TN. One of the biggest factors a show has to overcome is production costs.  When  24 was canceled last year, even though the ratings were continuing to drop they weren’t particularly awful.  The problem was (besides the fact that the producers admitted that the well had run dry) that the show was just so damned expensive to produce that they couldn’t justify renewing it.  A show has to get high enough ratings in order to justify high ad rates in order to justify high production costs. It’s that simple.  Considering what we said about the recent history of Sci-Fi on network, the advantage again goes to FS.
  3. The real reason why so many Sci-Fi shows are produced in Canada

    “O, Canada, Our Home and Native Land!” As soon as we saw the trailers for FS, the first thing we thought was, “Oh, this has to be being produced in Canada,” and as we confirmed with iMDB, it sure as heck is (Hamilton, Ontario to be precise).   It’s well-known that the key to keeping production costs down dramatically with Sci-Fi television is to film in Canada. Don’t believe us? Take a look at this list of Sci-Fi shows filmed in Canada over the last two decades.  Where is TN being produced? In ridiculously cost-prohibitive Australia which is just adding to the enormous price-tag of that show. Advantage, FS.

  4. Shorter Schedule Beyond the obvious fact that producing more than twice as many episodes per season (22 for TN as opposed to 10 for FS) will cost twice as much for FOX, there’s also a much bigger issue and that is that a 22 episode season, by its nature, will air over the course of an entire television season, in this case (allegedly) 2011 – 2012.  This means long hiatuses and reruns for the show which has proven time and time again to be catastrophic for Sci-Fi and genre which is exactly why they eventually stopped doing it with 24, Lost, and Alias to name a few, instead, choosing to air their entire seasons as mid-season replacements without anything more than the random one week break between new episodes.  Today’s audiences have ZERO patience for serials to begin with, nevertheless Sci-Fi serials,  and they will not tolerate shows that leave them hanging for six weeks to several months at a time.  FS will air new episodes continuously for ten weeks and it’s airing in the middle of summer with no competition from the major networks which is a strategy that continues to be proven successful for basic cable networks.

Finally, 22 episodes of Sci-Fi is just too much for major network television (and no, even though The CW is a major network, they don’t count for the purpose of this discussion for obvious reasons.).  Today’s major network audiences just will not hang in there for 22 episodes of Sci-Fi any more.  Now, we love Fringe and we’re certainly thrilled it got picked up for a fourth season but that is an anomaly and the audience numbers haven’t been particularly great for it which is why it got moved from the middle of the week to Friday to begin with.  The standard 10 – 13 episode seasons for original programming on basic cable works just fine for Sci-Fi. Advantage, FS.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

So why are we so excited about FS? Well, first, the trailers look fantastic and yes, we know it’s not a particularly original concept stealing aspects from The Terminator, Battlestar Galactica, V,  The Road, Independence Day and War of the Worlds, to name a few (not to mention that the whole “stealing children and technologically altering them” concept is eerily similar to the Borg in Star Trek) but heck, we like that kind of Sci-Fi because it invariably promises us great action and character development.  We also don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Noah Wyle looks like he was separated at birth from Terminator: Salvation star and leader of the resistance Christian Bale (John Connor).

Along with the great action, though, is that shows like this invariably raise thought-provoking philosophical questions about humanity, often without the audience realizing it until after it’s happened. This is one of the marks of great Sci-Fi storytelling which this particular brand of Sci-Fi excels at and we really expect nothing less considering the heavy hitters that are on board for this and their experience and success they bring to this in the writing and production department (see the last paragraph of the show description at the top).

Also, just to preempt the inevitable cries of “it’s not an original concept” from the peanut gallery (that have already begun), we’ve got news for you:  there are no original concepts in Sci-Fi anymore. Every concept you can think of has been thought up by someone else in this genre and been done already.  It’s the execution of concept that counts and that’s what will be the deciding factor in FS‘s success or failure.

Check out the official Falling Skies webpage, here.

‘Outsourced’ (NBC – Thursday, 9:30 p.m.)

“Outsourced” is NBC’s new workplace comedy series centered around a catalog-based company, Mid America Novelties, that sells American novelty goods including whoopee cushions, foam fingers and wallets made of bacon, and whose call center has suddenly been outsourced to India.

After recently completing Mid America Novelties’ manager training program, Todd Dempsy (Ben Rappaport, off-Broadway’s “The Gingerbread House”) learns that the call center is being outsourced to India, and he is asked to move there to be the manager. Having never ventured out of the country, he is unprepared for the culture shock. Overwhelmed, Todd discovers that his new staff needs a crash course in all things American if they are to understand the U.S. product line and ramp up sales from halfway around the world.

The sales team Todd inherits includes Gupta (Parvesh Cheena, “Help Me Help You”), a socially awkward employee; Manmeet (Sacha Dhawan, BBC’s “Five Days II”), a young romantic who is enamored with America; Asha (Rebecca Hazlewood, BBC’s “Doctors”), a smart, striking woman who finds herself intrigued by Todd; Rajiv (Rizwan Manji, “Privileged”) the assistant manager who wants Todd’s job; and Madhuri (Anisha Nagarajan, Broadway’s “Bombay Dreams”), a wallflower who suffers from extreme shyness.

Todd also discovers other transplants working in his office building, including an American expatriate, Charlie Davies (Diedrich Bader, “The Drew Carey Show”), who runs the All-American Hunter call center, and Tonya (Pippa Black, “Neighbours”), a beautiful Australian who runs the call center for Koala Air. – NBC

The Preview (Originally posted on 9/23/2010):

Shawn: I don’t know what appeals to me more, the politically incorrect tone of this series or the fact that it looks absolutely hilarious. I also like the premise that they telemarket novelties like rubber vomit and whoopee cushions. Looking forward to this, I hope the show can live up to the hype in the trailer.

The Review:

7 out of 10

Unfortunately, Outsourced looked a lot funnier in the trailer than it has turned out to be. I’m not saying that I don’t like the show but I think the whole concept of the series works better for a film than it does for a weekly sitcom.

The hilarious trailer is literally a four-minute summation of the entire pilot episode and though the jokes while rapid-fire in the trailer are very funny, they don’t work particularly well for comedic value over the course of 23 minutes. That or it was one of those issues like with the film The Hangover where they literally showed every funny scene in the movie in the trailers and because of that when I actually saw it I didn’t think it was that funny. Probably not, though, because every episode following the pilot has followed the same trend and I’m still not laughing as much as I would have hoped.

Every single episode kind of follows the same formula and that is Todd dealing with an issue involving the differences between American culture and Indian culture. Some of the jokes work but a lot of them don’t and the reason why is that they keep reverting to this standby of taking an American turn-of-phrase and having one of the Indian characters repeat it using a funny accent and saying it in the style of… well… an Indian. Here’s an example:

Gupta: As you say in America, it looks like you are up a creek and have forgotten your paddle. Also, this is a creek of feces… a most unpleasant creek for you.

See what I mean? That line was one of the funnier ones but every episode is full of these and it gets a little stale when there’s a dozen of those per episode because you really just start expecting it. Like I said, it’s the kind of thing that works sporadically in a feature film but it can’t carry a series. Just think of how well it worked during the few cameo scenes with Mooj (Gerry Bednob) in The 40 Year-Old Virgin (and it was even funnier because he was so foul-mouthed).

WARNING: NSFW (LANGUAGE, SEXUAL REMARKS)

But you wouldn’t want a whole series based around that (foul language and sexual remarks notwithstanding). It would be like having an entire series based around people who tried to speak American English but they also sounded like Yoda. It would be funny the first couple of times but it would lose its appeal rather quickly.

Beyond that, though, these characters are very likable and although the different scenarios all have the same general premise, I find myself still wanting to tune in every week. It’s very charming.

So, in the end, Outsourced is an enjoyable show even if it’s not as funny as I would have expected and it does have the potential to pick up steam and become a lot funnier with a little bit of effort on the writer’s part.

Watch full episodes of Outsourced, here.

Fall 2010 TV Preview – Thursdays

Part Four of the Seven Six Part Series (This has been edited because  I realized that there’s nothing on Saturdays but College Football, COPS and America’s Most Wanted.  Do you really need a review of those?)

Thursday

8:00 p.m.

ABC:     My Generation (September 23, 2010 – NEW SERIES!)

What a difference ten years can make. In 2000, a documentary crew follows a disparate group of high schoolers from Greenbelt High School in Austin, TX as they prepare for graduation, then revisits these former classmates ten years later as they return home to rediscover that just because they’re not where they planned doesn’t mean they’re not right where they need to be.

These students couldn’t wait to graduate and head out into the real world. But the world they were entering got very real very fast. As these classmates return home to revisit their old hopes for their future, they’ll discover that, even if you don’t get exactly what you thought you wanted out of life, it’s not too late to get what you need. – ABC

Shawn: OK, ABC, that’s enough already with the pseudo-documentaries.  It’s becoming as overused as 3-D is for feature films and like 3-D it’s just a cheap gimmick to try to convince people that your crap show really isn’t a crap show.  Do you think audiences aren’t going to notice that this show is no different from any other show about 20-somethings from different walks of life who all have something in common that brings them together?  This entire premise alone is going to piss off your target demographic for that hour (namely me) because it points out how old I am at 35 compared to these knuckleheads.  Don’t need that, sorry.  Despite the fact that the show makes me feel old, let’s be honest, it just looks dopey.

8:30 p.m.

CBS:     $#’! My Dad Says – (September 23, 2010 – NEW SERIES!)

$#*! MY DAD SAYS (pronounced “Bleep My Dad Says”), based on the popular Twitter feed by Justin Halpern, stars Emmy Award winner William Shatner as Ed Goodson, a forthright and opinionated dad who relishes expressing his unsolicited and often wildly politically incorrect observations to anyone within earshot. Nobody is safe from Ed’s rants, including his sons, Henry, a struggling writer-turned-unpaid blogger; and Vince, the meek half of a husband/wife real estate duo with domineering Bonnie. When Henry finds he can no longer afford to pay rent, Ed reveals a soft spot and invites Henry to move in with him. Henry agrees, knowing that the verbal assault will not abate and now there will be no escape. Describing their father/son relationship is tricky, but Ed will easily come up with a few choice words. – CBS

Shawn:

This is by far the most unfortunate post I have to write.  You see, I’ve been a big fan of Justin Halpern’s Twitter Page “Shit My Dad Says” for well over a year now and of course, I’m a huge fan of all things The Shat is involved with but I’m sorry to say that this is going to suck.  Not only is it EVERYTHING that I absolutely hate about sitcoms with the recycled and clichéd jokes, characters and plots it’s 180 degrees backwards of the whole premise of “Shit  My Dad Says!”  Just watch the trailer below to see what I’m talking about but first read this from Amazon in which Halpern explains the premise of the book bearing the same title:

‘At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me.’

Now please explain to me how a wise-cracking jerk of a father, who’s apparently pretty senile and his sensitive and always correct progeny bear any resemblance to the description you just read FROM THE GUY WHO INVENTED THE THING?!

The answer is simply that they don’t resemble each other whatsoever but Halpern isn’t stupid.  He must know that this is garbage and that his new-found fame from this silly little twitter account will be over in about 15 minutes and he’s cashing in while he can and you know what?  I don’t blame him whatsoever.  If a bunch of no-talent hacks like the cast of Jersey Shore or The Hills or Keeping up With the Kardashians can get paid, why not a guy who has actually made millions of people laugh?  But please, be honest and don’t kid yourself into thinking that this is going to be anything but the highest level of suckitude©.  Believe me, I sincerely hope I’m wrong about this, but I know I’m not.

AND WHY THE HELL IS HALF THE CAST OF MADtv IN THIS???

NBC:     Community – (September 23, 2010)

Shawn: I have to admit, I’m a convert to Community.  When it debuted in 2009, I had high hopes for it because it looked clever and starred E’s Joel McHale (The Soup) and he’s always clever and funny.  It took me three episodes to be very disappointed.  Then, around Christmas-time (I think), I was in the garage working on a project and NBC was running a back-to-back marathon of the sitcom and I completely changed my mind.  Community improved dramatically and is very funny. I definitely recommend Community.

Watch full episodes of Community, here.

… And check out this great sneak preview, here.

9:00 p.m.

The CW:     Nikita (September 9, 2010 – NEW SERIES)

When she was a deeply troubled teenager, Nikita (Maggie Q, “Live Free or Die Hard,” “Mission Impossible 3”) was rescued from death row by a secret U.S. agency known only as Division, who faked her execution and told her she was being given a second chance to start a new life and serve her country. What they didn’t tell her was that she was being trained as a spy and assassin. Throughout her grueling training at Division, Nikita never lost her humanity, even falling in love with a civilian. When her fiancé was murdered, Nikita realized she had been betrayed and her dreams shattered by the only people she thought she could trust, so she did what no one else before her had been able to do: she escaped. Now, after three years in hiding, Nikita is seeking retribution and making it clear to her former bosses that she will stop at nothing to expose and destroy their covert operation. – The CW

Shawn: I’ve already done a full review of Nikita, see it here.  Good but not great.

Watch full episodes of Nikita, here.

FOX:     Fringe (September 23, 2010)

Shawn: Fringe is one of my favorite shows on TV currently.  If you haven’t watched it before it’s like The X-Files on steroids with a J.J. Abrams spin.  The stories are great, the characters are well-developed and it’s grown into a wonderful and fascinating story arc.  For those of you who are new to the series, don’t bother starting in, now.  You’re going to have to go to Netflix and add the first two seasons to your queue, or you’ll be completely lost, but it’s certainly worth saving the new episodes on the divver recordification device for when you’re done watching the old episodes.

Watch full episodes of Fringe, here.

NBC:     The Office (September 23, 2010)

Shawn: Every time that I think The Office has run out of steam, it does something that keeps me coming back for more.  Looking forward to yet another year at Dunder Mifflin.

Watch full episodes of The Office, here.

9:30 p.m.

NBC:     Outsourced (September 23, 2010)

“Outsourced” is NBC’s new workplace comedy series centered around a catalog-based company, Mid America Novelties, that sells American novelty goods including whoopee cushions, foam fingers and wallets made of bacon, and whose call center has suddenly been outsourced to India.

After recently completing Mid America Novelties’ manager training program, Todd Dempsy (Ben Rappaport, off-Broadway’s “The Gingerbread House”) learns that the call center is being outsourced to India, and he is asked to move there to be the manager. Having never ventured out of the country, he is unprepared for the culture shock. Overwhelmed, Todd discovers that his new staff needs a crash course in all things American if they are to understand the U.S. product line and ramp up sales from halfway around the world.

The sales team Todd inherits includes Gupta (Parvesh Cheena, “Help Me Help You”), a socially awkward employee; Manmeet (Sacha Dhawan, BBC’s “Five Days II”), a young romantic who is enamored with America; Asha (Rebecca Hazlewood, BBC’s “Doctors”), a smart, striking woman who finds herself intrigued by Todd; Rajiv (Rizwan Manji, “Privileged”) the assistant manager who wants Todd’s job; and Madhuri (Anisha Nagarajan, Broadway’s “Bombay Dreams”), a wallflower who suffers from extreme shyness.

Todd also discovers other transplants working in his office building, including an American expatriate, Charlie Davies (Diedrich Bader, “The Drew Carey Show”), who runs the All-American Hunter call center, and Tonya (Pippa Black, “Neighbours”), a beautiful Australian who runs the call center for Koala Air. – NBC

Shawn: I don’t know what appeals to me more, the politically incorrect tone of this series or the fact that it looks absolutely hilarious.  I also like the premise that they telemarket novelties like rubber vomit and whoopee cushions.  Looking forward to this, I hope the show can live up to the hype in the trailer.

NEXT: Friday

EXCLUSIVE ADVANCE REVIEW! Lone Star (FOX – Monday, 9:00 P.M. Series Premiere September 20, 2010)

TV-Tastic is proud to bring you an exclusive first look preview review of the new Monday night series on FOX, Lone Star.

ROBERT/BOB ALLEN (James Wolk) is a charismatic and brilliant schemer who has meticulously constructed two lives in two different parts of the state. He’s juggling two identities and two women in two very different worlds – all under one mountain of lies.

As “Bob,” he lives in Houston and is married to CAT (Adrianne Palicki), the beautiful daughter of CLINT THATCHER (Jon Voight), the patriarch of an ultra-wealthy Texas oil family. More than 400 miles away in the suburban west Texas town of Midland, he’s “Robert,” living a second life with his sweet, naive girlfriend, LINDSAY HOLLOWAY (Eloise Mumford). There he plays the perfect boyfriend while secretly bilking local investors of their savings. While in Houston, he’s a devoted husband, charming Cat and her family to cement his position in the rich family business he aims to clean out.

Bob has lived both lives successfully for years without arousing any suspicions..so far. While one brother-in-law, DREW THATCHER (Bryce Johnson), admires Bob, while his other brother-in-law, TRAMMELL THATCHER (Mark Deklin), is growing suspicious of his motives, and along with his wife, BLAKE (guest star Rosa Blasi), threatens to expose Bob. In this world of cons, everyone has ulterior motives. ALEX (guest star Andie MacDowell), a sharp, sexy, sophisticated East Coast transplant has her eye on only one prize: Clint. Eager to stake her claim, she will do and say anything to get what she wants.

With the cons closing in on him, Bob begins to fear his secret lives may unravel as he becomes divided by his love for two women; his loyalty to his father and mentor, JOHN (David Keith); and his respect for his father-in-law, Clint. Now as he tries to hold his two lives together, while fending off angry investors and the growing suspicions of those around him, Bob puts it all on the line hoping he can beat the odds, leave the schemes behind and keep two separate relationships afloat. – FOX

8 out of 10

One of the disadvantages of being an independent review blog is that the networks don’t send advance copies of the first three episodes of new shows to us like they do the mainstream entertainment media.  The upside is that I’m under no contractual agreement to withhold a review of a show within a certain period of time before that show has premiered, which brings us to the first ever in-depth review of Lone Star (one other guy did a review but it was like three sentences).  If you’re wondering how I was able to get my hands on a copy of the pilot,  I will refer you to this:

That’s me and the little man, Harrison playing in the Embassy Suites in San Diego a few weeks ago when the whole family went to San Diego Zoo, Sea World and Wild Animal Park.  Harrison is obsessed with remote controls (gee, I wonder where he gets that from) and shortly after that scene he was playing with the remote in the room and he inadvertently turned on the Hotel’s in-room video service.  Well, lo and behold if they didn’t have the pilot episode of Lone Star available for FREE!  Needless to say, it was a professional imperative that I watch it so I could let all the good folks out there know ahead of time if it’s worth their time.  So let the games begin.

Dallas, Part Deux?

First, let me preface this by saying that when I first heard about Lone Star while preparing the forthcoming Fall Preview (coming soon), let’s just say that I was beyond skeptical.  The descriptions I saw on various entertainment sites were bland and really made it sound like to was a 2010 version of Dallas using key-phrases such as “Texas,” “oil” and “soap opera.”  I can’t imagine at all why someone would come to the conclusion that this show is Dallas: The Next Generation.  Speaking of which:

(^^^You’re welcome, by the way.)

After watching the pilot, though,  I can say that I was not only pleasantly surprised, but also a little annoyed at the marketing for this show amongst the various media outlets and even by FOX itself.  Yes, it’s in Texas, yes it revolves around a family oil company and yes it’s definitely a soap, but there is so much more to this show than this, and unfortunately, it may be its downfall.

I want to apologize for the incredibly long synopsis from the Official Lone Star Page but there really was no way to avoid it.  I tried to figure out how I could pare it down and realized that the show has so much going on it that I really couldn’t.  Sorry… blame FOX.

Bob

As complicated as that synopsis is, it needs to be corrected.  As noted, Bob is a con-man living two separate lives, with two different women.  But which one is the real Bob?  Well, the answer is both and neither because Bob also has two other alter-egos as well: the man he is when he’s with his father and is actually “himself” and the man he is when he’s actually trying to combine the two lives.  The fact is that Bob is struggling to find out what his true identity is, even in the pilot and it’s obvious that this will be a main theme throughout the series.  Do you see what I mean about this show being complicated?  And that’s just our protagonist.

What I like about this story is Bob, himself.  I’m not sure if I’m into the identity struggle and I can definitely do without the “con-man-with-a-heart-of-gold” persona which seems to be contrived exclusively because the writers aren’t brave enough to have a protagonist be a true anti-hero or a villain.  This is a very weak decision on the writers part in my opinion (well, it may have been a producer’s decision) because it tells me that they don’t have enough faith in the character or the actor, and I don’t understand why.

I like stories about con-men and so does everyone, whether they admit it or not.  Con-men are fun.  They’re clever and they have a swagger and a bravado they keeps audiences coming back.  They’re like spies who are crooks.  If I want to see a transformation from a swine to a knight, I sure as heck don’t want to see it in the pilot.  If the producers need advice on how to develop the growth of a con-man, I would simply refer them to this guy:

From what I’ve seen so far, the producers are unnecessarily playing it safe with Bob.  The character is well-written enough and James Wolk is talented enough to pull-off the “villain-who-we-hate-to-love” without really breaking much of a sweat.  Also, if anyone thinks that writing a villain as protagonist doesn’t work I will simply refer you to this guy:

… who shot a fellow cop in the face during the pilot episode of The Shield and that wasn’t even the worst of his misdeeds over the next six seasons and then there’s of course, this guy:

.. and we all know what he does for the sake of fun and sadism.

The point is that the right actor playing the right character can pull off the villain-protagonist and it’s often quite refreshing when they do, and in this case, ours doesn’t even kill anyone.

The other problem with this “heart-of-gold” scenario as that it doesn’t make any sense.  In the opening scene of the pilot we are immediately made aware that Bob’s father, John (played brilliantly by David Keith) has been a con-man his whole life and has been teaching Bob how to do it since he was at least 10 years-old, if not younger.  That being said, all Bob has ever known is “The Con” and all of a sudden, when he’s on the verge of the biggest score of his life he suddenly finds religion and wants to not only play it straight with his father-in-law’s oil company but also wants to find a way to get all of those people in Midland their money back that he took from them in a Ponzi Scheme?  Sure.  It’s very hard to swallow to say the least.

The Playas

The biggest complaint I have about Lone Star is that the plot outside of Bob’s con is very contrived and very clichéd and to be quite honest, so are some of the characters and a lot of it is lazy and does hearken back to Dallas.  You’ve got your surly patriarch Jock Ewing-type, Clint Thatcher (even the names are clichéd, for God’s sake) played by Jon Voight (who you can never go wrong with) and Trammell Thatcher (Mark Delkin) the ambitious, scheming son who’s mad that Dad gave the outsider (Bob) the task of turning the family business around and is looking to undermine the new guy and finally,  Drew Thatcher (Bryce Johnson), the under-achieving younger brother that no one takes seriously except for the outsider (Bob) and who is desperately seeking approval from both his father and his older, more accomplished brother.  Any of this sound familiar?  Of course it does because we’ve seen this clichéd family trifecta in 100’s of other films and TV shows over the last 50 years.

Still, although you’re tempted to roll your eyes, the performances carry what is really a simplistic, although compelling subplot.  Speaking of performances, thank God for David Keith and Jon Voight.  If James Wolk is the engine of this ship, then Keith and Voight are the anchors.  Keith’s character is brilliantly written and David Keith was born to play him and yes, I know I criticized the Clint Thatcher character, but Jon Voight saves the character from falling off into the abyss.  Honestly, without these two pros in this show it would be an absolute mess, despite the performance of James Wolk.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t mention Bob’s two love interests, Cat Thatcher (Adrianne Palicki) and Lindsay Holloway (Eloise Mumford) as they are obviously integral parts of this saga.  The reason is simple (and unfortunate): they aren’t really worth mentioning.  I’m not sure if it’s the characters or the actors or a combination of both but whatever it is, neither one of them comes off as very interesting or sympathetic.  I’m inclined to believe that it’s the writing because what it seems like is going on here is that the writers spent an awful lot of time concocting this very complicated story and two really complicated characters in the father and son team of John and Bob, but they simply ignored any kind of real development for the rest of the supporting characters in the hopes that the casting would be strong enough to, shall we say, make chicken salad out of chicken spit.  This is effective for the other male characters, but it is not effective with the two female leads.

Final Thoughts

Despite its weaknesses, the pilot of Lone Star is enjoyable and I would recommend it.  The main story, though complex, is very compelling, the protagonist and his father are incredibly well-written despite the other characters being rather clichéd and simplistic, and the performances by the supporting cast is excellent for the most part.  I do expect that the writers will see how weak the female leads are and will improve the way they are written in the future.

My three major concerns for this show are issues are as follows:

The first is the time slot and the network.  This show is the replacement for 24 which just ended after 8 seasons.  This is the last show in the world I would have ever expected to replace 24.  If there was a show that I would have thought would have gone in the Monday night at 9:00 p.m. slot on FOX,  it would have been either Human Target or Fringe.  Both are excellent action shows that could easily carry 24’s torch in that slot and to be completely honest, I think this show would be better suited for CBS or ABC.  They would seem to have the demographic for it more than FOX.

My second concern is the complexity of this story.  I’m sorry, but today’s audiences have pretty short attention-spans and I’m afraid this show may be a little too cerebral for this generation of TV viewers.  It’s not a knock on today’s audiences, it’s just a fact.  Complex dramas have been on the decline in popularity for the last several years  because audiences simply have too much going on with their 300 channels of cable and of course the Internet.  A show like this takes dedication and there aren’t that many people willing to dedicate to a serial storyline with a continuous arc anymore.  I’m frankly amazed that Lost lasted six seasons and I’m not surprised at all that FlashForward only lasted one (as much as I loved that show).

Finally, the real question I have is, “How long can this show last?”  Really, I mean, the show centers around this one con they are running.  I’m sorry but I don’t want to see this one con play out for seven seasons and by the same token, if the con plays itself out by the end of the first season, what happens next season… yet, another con?  How long can you keep that up? In this regard the show reminds me of Prison Break where we all said at the end of season one, “Well, they’re out.  Now what?” and of course the answer for the three seasons that followed was the most convoluted and bizarre twists in a plotline in television history.  Now, I liked all 4 seasons of Prison Break, but that was getting nuts at the end and I was glad when they finally put the show out if its misery and I don’t want to see that again with another series… especially one on FOX.

So, I’m going to give this show 6 weeks without any expectation of it surviving the Thanksgiving season cuts.  This way I won’t be disappointed if another good show is cancelled which unfortunately, as good as this show is, I do expect to happen.

Watch full episodes of Lone Star, here.