THROWBACK REVIEW: Treasure Planet (2002)

When pirates explore the final frontier…

As a child, it is accurate to say that I had a bit of a pirate phase. You know, we all have those weird phases where things are just so cool, and they couldn’t in any way be bad. You know, then you grow up and realize that pirates were criminals who did some of the lowest of the low acts out there, and still do it to this day. But “Arrrgh”, am I right? Regardless, as a kid, when I needed a little pirate adventure in me, there was really only one place to go: the classic Treasure Island tale. This story was EVERYWHERE in my life. I watched it repeatedly. I owned Muppet Treasure Island, a 1987 Burbank Films Australia animated special of the story, I’d seen the 1950 Disney adaptation, I even saw a Wishbone episode of the story. And I’m sure I’m missing a few other adaptations I saw!

What’s the story, Wishbone?

Really, the story was an absolute classic. If my child self needed an adventure, there was no better place for me for the longest time than on the high seas with Treasure Island. You might say that I looked up to Jim Hawkins in a lot of ways. I wanted to break out as he did, I wanted to go on his adventures, I wanted to be in his shoes, and he made me so very happy a lot of the time. So with all this Treasure Island stuff in my life, it was only natural that eventually, I’d find myself watching the 2002 Disney steam-punk adaptation of the same story in Treasure Planet. Needless to say that I absolutely loved it back then, and love it now.

The film opens up with Judge Claude Frollo narrating a holo-book about the notorious Captain Flint, who would loot ships for that precious pirate booty, and we get introduced to young Jim Hawkins, who is absolutely adorable as a child. A few years later, we see him grown up into probably one of my only big problems of the film. I do kinda scoff at how they very much make Jim Hawkins a bit of a bad boy here. I mean, granted, it makes some sense in context with the story, keyword being some, but it still very much feels like a trophy move that never really feels earned. But I guess they gotta show us some of that sweet sweet animation, and making him a Marty McFly Tony Hawk hybrid gives them an opportunity to do just that.

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

Unsurprisingly, Hawkins has grown up in this state and has a reputation of being a bit of a delinquent. And it’s because of a change in the story that I actually really kinda like. In the original stories of Treasure Island, Jim Hawkins lives with his mother in an inn. No different here. But in the classic, his father has been dead a few years. Here, Jim’s dad is still alive, but Jim has no idea really where he is, or even who he was, since he left at a young age, never came back, and this has had an impact on Jim’s life. While again, I kinda scoff at the bad boy aspect that results in this change, it opens the door for some character development of the character that is honestly, pretty absent in the original tale. But we’ll eat there soon.

If you know the story, you’ll know that a stranger appears at the inn, a fellow by the name of Billy Bones, and how this movie approaches it admittedly makes me scratch my head. The other stories give us some time to get to know Billy Bones. We see him interact quite a bit with Jim Hawkins and we eat some backstory into who he is and why he’s in hiding. Here… he’s barely alive five minutes. Granted, Billy Bones dies in every story, but not nearly this quick. This makes his reveal of him having a map to Flint’s treasure, and his warning of Long John Silver feel not nearly as impactful in the long run. Billy Bones here feels more like a footnote, when he feels like an actual character in pretty much every other rendition of this story I can think of.

Billy Bones might not be much of a character, but they do a wonderful job fleshing out pretty much everybody else.

Oh well, we know where this goes, Jim gets a map (or golden orb here and by some sort of luck, he eats it open to reveal said map), and he and his friend Dr. Doppler fund an expedition to see out the legendary titular Treasure Planet that the map supposedly reveals. And it’s here where I gotta praise a couple things. Firstly, I gotta praise the designs of this crew. Just look at some of these crew members and you can tell that there was a lot of fun in creating these guys. It’s this movie, and movies like Lilo and Stitc that pretty much have me convinced that Disney knows how to have fun with their alien designs, and with some of the Star Wars suf I’ve seen in their new movies, I don’t think they’ve lost their touch.

A positively trustworthy crew.

I think easily my favorite of the crew has to be little Morph who doesn’t have much of a role, but goddammit, the little glob of cute makes me laugh almost every time he’s onscreen. What a brilliant idea for ‘Long’ John Silver’s pet. The shapeshifting mimicking glob is just… perfect. They could have easily given Silver just some bird-alien pet Resembling a parrot, complete with the mimicking trait, but can you tell me it would be anywhere as charming as this pink glob??? The answer is no. No it wouldn’t. Not even close.

Legit one of the funniest moments of the movie.

Also holy shit, I cannot go on anymore without praising this animation. It doesn’t take long for it to establish itself as something absolutely awesome in this department, and you can probably thank the steampunk aesthetic of the film for that. I’m normally not one to really fall head over heals for this kind of story or setting, but goddamn does this story absolutely sell itself, and make it absolutely hard not to just get drawn in by literally everything going on in this story. Everything from the fun ship designs, to the animation of the characters, to the action out in space, to ‘Long’ John Silver’s cybernetics is animated in a way that just makes me wanna shout “WHOAH!” It can be breathtaking at times.

JUST LOOK AT THIS ANIMATION!

Granted there are a few things in the animation department that I particularly don’t care for, but then again, it falls more under just things I personally don’t care for. The ‘gross’ factor if you wanna call it that is kinda here, and I don’t care for it. Thankfully, it’s not a huge presence in the film, but it’s still kinda distracting. The two instances that kinda come to mind are a few instances where they animate drool, not exactly something I ever really liked, and an alien that communicates literally with flatulence. Because fart sounds I guess. I don’t wanna spend anymore time talking about this.

I’ve heard some people say they really don’t care for the steampunk aesthetic of the film, and if you’re gonna Neil deGrasse Tyson the film, then yeah, you might need to skip this one since they throw space physics out the window the entire film. I mean granted, there are a few times they have fun with gravity and whatnot, but I mean, there’s no air dome, so everyone just breathes in space pretty much. No explanation really, but it’s just one of those things you don’t really question. Like space whales (which are also present in this film…. and contribute to the gross factor).

Okay, seriously, who can NOT be wowed by these visuals?!

This film does a great job of really having us get to know these characters. As much as I love films like Muppet Treasure Island, and other Treasure Island adaptations, I cannot deny that they really struggle with getting me to care about anyone other than Jim Hawkins. You really don’t get to know or care about the other characters in these movies like Captain Smollett, Mr. Arrow, Ben Gunn, etc… They always feel like they’re in the background. Even ‘Long’ John Silver (who will get his own paragraph) never really felt like a huge character in these adaptations. This movie remedies this in so many ways. Each character feels impactful to the story, and you care about what becomes of them. Granted, it’s not perfect, and I mean… obvious baddies are obvious baddies, but you can tell that they really tried to bring each and every character here to life.

For instance, Captain Amelia and Doppler, they develop a bit of a relationship, and while it isn’t flawlessly executed, I still care about them both far more than I would any other character in an adaptation. Kermit the Frog plays a good Captain Smollett, but he’s still Kermit the Frog in a captain’s outfit. Ben Gunn here might be a bit over the top and even a title annoying, but he’s more memorable than any other iteration of the character I can remember. Mr. Arrow… good God this character is great, and he’s actually a bit of a drastic turn from other renditions of the character. In the original, he really doesn’t contribute much of anything to the story, and is killed off rather quickly after Silver gets him drunk and throws him overboard. Here, Mr. Arrow feels competent, and feels like an actual first officer. And when he is eventually killed in a scene that actually REALLY disturbed me when I first saw it, it feels that much more impactful. I cannot thank this film enough for giving me a reason to care about any of these people!

Seriously, who WOULDN’T find this disturbing?

And then there’s ‘Long’ John Silver. Good God, where do I begin?

While always a major character of the story, ‘Long’ John Silver really never felt as fully developed as he should have likely been in this story. This ranges to pretty much every Treasure Island adaptation I have ever seen. His transition from leading a group of bloodthirsty pirates on a mutiny against the crew, to suddenly saving Jim from their hands always felt like it came out of nowhere. And this is finally rectified here, and it’s the fact that this film chose to have Jim’s father leave at an early age that makes the relationship between Hawkins and Silver work so damn well. While you can tell that Hawkins is at first very wary of Silver, due to the fact that he was warned about an unnamed cyborg, like Hawkins is warned of the sailor with a missing leg, the time the two spend together really develops into something special, and I love how this film shows us just how much of a struggle it is for Silver, who is walking this fine line between leading a group of bloodthirsty pirates, and being a straight up father-figure for Jim. Some of the dialogue exchanges these two have will leave me warm inside each and every time.

I don’t think there’s a better father-son relationship shown in any Disney movie.

And it’s this wonderful development between the two that makes the conflicts the two have with each other that much better throughout the film! When Hawkins overhears their plans to mutiny, you can telll there’s genuine hurt in his face when just a scene or two ago, Silver was offering him genuine comfort over the death of Mr. Arrow when he was blaming himself over the incident! You can tell when Hawkins and the others are escaping the ship during the mutiny, that there is genuine conflict in Silver when he has a CLEAR SHOT that he could have taken at Hawkins. There is actual emotion being put in play between both of these characters and it just elevates this film to new levels. Each time they have a conflict, it feels real, and I care about both characters. Beforehand, ‘Long’ John SIlver was just a cool character in my eyes because he was a pirate, and kid me loved pirates.

It’s this bond the two share that I feel really glues this entire story together, and it is this bond the two of them share that makes me wonder just what the hell people watched back in 2002 that made them describe this movie as a film with weaker characterizations than usual. What the hell were you watching??? The only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing that they do with this that I really don’t care about is that they use a pretty forgettable song to kinda help illustrate how Hawkins lacked a father figure in his life, and the song plays in a montage of the two growing closer in this retrospect. I just find it kinda silly that they used that approach to flesh out the characters. It’s one of the reasons I personally don’t care too much for the film Titan A.E., due to its constant barrage of 90’s pop/rock selections. Thankfully, this film limits itself to just one of these musical selections.

As far as the adventure itself is concerned, it’s still a lot of fun. While again, there are a few things that might rub off the wrong way for me personally, such as Ben Gunn’s personality, and whatnot, by the time things really get rolling in this film, it is impossible to be bored or not invested. You can tell that the people behind this had a whole lot of fun with each and every sequence shown in this movie, from the supernova storm, to the mutiny, to hunting, and locating Flint’s Trove of Treasure. And they do this without losing a beat of making us care about each character here. Not only with Hawkins and Silver, but with Doppler and Amelia, who develop a very fun relationship with one another after she’s severely injured.

We even get an awesome Star Trek reference.

I’m not sure how much I enjoy the action packed climax of the story, but I suppose it’s fun enough, even if I find Jim’s hurry-rigged hoverboard a bit of a stretch. I do really find the use of the map in the scene in finding the loot, and escaping the self-destruction of the planet to be a whole lot of fun. And again… it just really amplifies the bond between both Silver and Hawkins. And not to be too spoiler-y, but it makes their separation that much better of a scene.

Seeing the conclusion of their bond really hits home every time. Not only is it heartwarming to see Hawkins willingly let Silver escape when it’s likely that Silver will face charges when they return to port, but seeing Silver look at Hawkins the way a father would to any child of theirs is just…. oh it gets you right in the feels.

Right in the goddamn feels…

When all is said and done, Treasure Planet doesn’t get nearly enough love that it deserves as far as Treasure Island adaptations are concerned, but I am happy to see that lately, the trend has gone in its favor. However, I cannot help but disagree when I hear some say that this one should get a live-action remake. Not only do I feel like the steampunk setting would dramatically lose its charm in a live-action medium, but it honestly doesn’t feel like it’s in dire need of one. In a world that is absolutely full of Treasure Island adaptations, making this unique entry in that a live-action I feel takes away the charm it offers to the story. That and you know they’d focus more on the pretty setting than the actual character development… This is one I really think they need to leave alone.

Treasure Planet is far from perfect. It offers some sequences I find pretty dumb, its action at times maybe feels a bit tacked on, and its musical score really leaves much more to be desired, but I’d be lying if I said that this isn’t a personal favorite adaptation of the classic story. Not only for the reasons I’ve talked about but so much more. It makes me laugh, it touches the heart, this film wins me over every time I put it on no matter what. Even though I have fully moved on from pirates. I don’t know if I jus watched it at the right time, or whatnot, but as far as underrated Disney films are concerned, this sits right near the top alongside the likes of films like The Hunchback of Norte Dame, and Atlantis: The Lost Empire (another great steampunk DIsney movie that’s probably only as charming as it is because of its awesome animation). If needed, I’d highly recommend experiencing it for yourself, as it has held up remarkably well.

Eat your heart out, Orion Syndicate!

Well, this review wasn’t two weeks late or anything. With all this talk of the coronavirus going around right now, I might be watching a few films to try and make light of the situation in the near future. I guess it really just depends on whether or not I find myself quarantined to my house. Time will tell. Stay healthy everyone.

REVIEW: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (The Bad Batch)

Well with all this Star Trekkin’ going on right now with Star Trek: Picard, and how awesome a series that’s turning out to be right now, I almost completely forgot that this month, we get the final season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, which debuted on Friday. I would not have seen this for a while had I not been browsing one of my Star Wars groups just now to see if they’d shared a music video by The Hu. They had. But the silver lining was that I found out that The Clone Wars had finally debuted!

We’re getting the band back together!

For a small summary of what I thought of The Clone Wars, let’s just say that I am not a very big fan of the Star Wars prequels. In fact, they are the movies that birthed my inner critic. While I can appreciate the aesthetic of The Phantom Menace, the jumbled narrative of it trying to squeeze as much as it does into a two hour movie hinders the story immensely. Attack of the Clones is no better. If it weren’t for that awesome final act of the film, I’d write off Attack of the Clones as potentially the absolute worst Star Wars movie ever made. Revenge of the Sith I find myself in a minority on. Everyone calls it the prequel movie that’s actually really good. I highly disagree. I find it the most disappointing of the trilogy. Partly because I ruined my viewing experience by reading the novelization before watching the film (seriously, the novelization kicks ass), butI mean even without the novelization, the movie just doesn’t know how to handle its characters, making every decision in this movie feel so forced and uninspiring. Anakin’s conversion to the Dark Side of the Force remains one of the most underwhelming moments I’ve ever seen in all of Star Wars (and yes… the book does it better, don’t fucking say it doesn’t). You can say what you want about the sequel trilogy films, and the problems they admittedly have, but they are a much easier watch for me than the prequels, and I tend to care about what each character is going through in that trilogy more than I do the prequels.

“If you’re not with me, you’re my enemy!”
You know… because the audience is too dumb to piece together that you two aren’t best buddies anymore.

Enter The Clone Wars, which despite starting off with an absolutely forgettable movie (seriously, does anyone talk about that thing anymore?), exceeded pretty much every expectation I had. This show takes one of the most integral plot points of the entire Star Wars franchise, and runs off with it, crafting one of the most intriguing, well developed, tenderly handled animated shows I’ve ever seen. I was not expecting this level of excellence in a show that was taking place in the same universe of movies where someone literally says “I hate sand.” Hell, for as forgettable (or even cringey) as the opening movie is, it handles so much of the Star Wars universe rather nicely, and shows that it cares about how it handles characters like Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the new face, Ahsoka Tano, and that’s not to mention Asaj Ventress, who is easily one of my favorite characters of the franchise now. While the series definitely has its not-so-good episodes (usually those that focus on the droids, or Jar Jar Binks… yeah he’s in it too), this series would blow my mind with how it handled its stories, characters, concepts, it was so great that I actually almost want to refuse that it takes place in the prequel movie universe. There is no fucking way something this good takes place in a trilogy of movies that bad. And there is no way a paragraph will properly tell you how great it is. I’ve also recently started watching the spinoff, Star Wars: Rebels, which while not exactly the same quality material, is still pretty fun. If you have not seen this series, there is no better time to start! And this is coming from a die-hard Trekkie!

Moments like this are absolutely everywhere in the series. Anakin Skywalker truly feels like he is on the slippery slope to becoming Darth Vader. Asaj Ventress is also probably the best character of the series. I really hope we see her this season, though since her story ends in a novel, I’m not holding my breath.

With all this said, how is the debut episode of its final season?

I am happy to say that The Clone Wars doesn’t feel like it’s skipped a beat at all. By the time the familiar opening theme played, the little words of wisdom displayed on the screen, and the narrator set up the scene for the episode to play out, I was ready to take a nice big bite out of this Star Wars sandwich. I was happy to see that the voice-acting felt as lively as ever, and the animation feels strangely more fluid. I hear a lot of complaints about the animation in this series being hard on the eyes, and I just don’t see where it comes from. I personally enjoy it. It has a charm.

Now I’m going to get a little spoiler-y here so read on at your discretion.

Previously on Star Wars: The Clone Wars…

“The Bad Batch” begins an arc with the clone characters, Rex and Cody, as they discover that their friend, Echo might actually be alive. Echo was last seen in the third season, giving his life so his friends could get away. After the Clones find themselves on a losing streak on the planet Anaxes, due to droid army starting to better analyze tactics used by the clone army and better adapt them, Rex gets a gut feeling that his friend is alive when he realizes the Clone Army is using a lot of skillsets and Strategies he and Echo put together. So Cody and Rex enlist the assistance of Clone Force 99, otherwise known as the Bad Batch.

Think of the Bad Batch as a Clone Army A-Team, only more unstable. The team consists of four clones, with varying unique abilities that make the team a force to be reckoned with. One has super-human strength, one has enhanced eyesight, one has superior mapping senses, the other is a computer wizard, you get the idea, the show describes them as clones that are defective, but possess “desirable mutations”.

You’re playing with the big boys now…

Admittedly, this is an element of the episode that I have mixed reactions to. The characters are fun and all, but they’re a little too by-the-book in how they’re portrayed as characters. The computer wizard is super smart, the guy who maps out the area super well has a headband that very much makes him feel like a discount Rambo, you got the enhanced eyesight guy who is broody, doesn’t say a whole lot, but can snipe enemies really good, and then you got super-human-strength guy, who feels like a psychopath. Their ship is crashing, and he’s just laughing as it happens. Like a maniac. It just feels like they play too much like a character archetype. And this leads to some predictable clashes with the main characters which doesn’t feel that interesting. granted, I am happy they stay away from being too predictable in which their clashes only get them into trouble, only for them to understand and respect their differences and get out of trouble at the last moment, but honestly, had they gone this route, I would not have been surprised.

This debut episode for this final season doesn’t pull too many punches, it feels like a setup episode, which a lot of Clone Wars episodes are. If they’re going to be giving us the typical mini-arc stories this show is known for, I can expect things to pick up in the upcoming episodes, but that’s not to say this episode is dull, we get some fun action, we get a fun story, and it does leave me on a good note in which Rex makes a startling discovery (SPOILER) when he realizes his friend Echo might not be dead as once thought.

One thing I like about this show is that the clones of this show actually develop into characters that feel more fleshed out than typical clones.

I really need to credit Dee Bradley Baker, who voices all these clone troopers. I have no idea how he does it, but the guy knows how to bring out each performance as if it were an entirely different person. This cannot be easy. The guy is basically acting with himself a good amount of the time, likely listening to his own lines through a headset, and interacting with it as if it were someone completely different. I have no idea what he does to bring these performances to life, but he does it so great in this series, and it’s no different here. Granted, I think some of these Bad Batch clones have different voice actors, but Baker still puts up an impressive performance(s).

There’s not too much to analyze in this episode as it’s a pretty safe plot for the most part, in a show that’s only 30 minutes long, but as safe as it feels, I am very much looking forward to what this final season has to offer us. Already we have a hook for what to expect next episode with Rex maybe once more coming face to face with Echo, and while there hasn’t been any Jedi action yet, we know that later on, we’re expecting Darth Maul and Ahsoka Tano to make another appearance. Apparently, it’s also going to be exploring the Siege of Mandalor, which is an event that impacts the other Star Wars show everyone’s raving about, The Mandalorian, so why lie? I’m excited.

Yeah… I’m excited to see this.

I mean sure, Star Trek: Picard is still on the frontlines as far as my priorities are concerned, but I am happy to see this show finally getting some proper closure. This is a show that very much always felt like it got the short end of the stick when it came to properly finishing it. Season 5 was a good finale, but it still felt like something was missing. Season six was also good, but was hardly something I’d call closure. While I’m not going to say that this final season will be proper closure until I see how it finishes, I have little reason to be nervous about how it will end. This was a show that always managed to surprise me while I watched. There were times they showed something that was absolutely jaw-dropping in execution, and I have no doubt that this final season will have these moments as well.

How was this debut episode? It gets a thumbs up from me. As simple as it is, simplicity is not a bad thing. It’s a good way to get the fans of the show back in the mood, back in the groove, and it does a good job of showing that it’s got some cards to play still. I look forward to seeing how this season goes, and I wait with baited breath for this second episode to drop.

Bring it on!

UPDATE On Disney Acquisition Of Lucasfilm (VIDEO!): Lucas Discusses The Future Of Star Wars, He and Iger Announce Acquisition

If you haven’t already heard, it was announced today via press release that Disney would be acquiring Lucasfilm and Star Wars: Episode 7 would be released in 2015 (read the full story, here.).  A little while ago, Lucas released a video discussing the future of the Star Wars franchise and Disney released a video featuring Lucas and Bob Iger announcing  the acquisition.

HOLY! SH*T! Disney To Acquire Lucasfilm, ‘Star Wars: Episode 7’ Set For 2015! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!! UPDATED: ‘Indiana Jones’ Franchise, Too!

For the first time in recent years we are flippin’ speechless.

Via Press Release:

October 30, 2012

DISNEY TO ACQUIRE LUCASFILM LTD.

An investor conference call will take place at approximately 4:30 p.m. EDT / 1:30 p.m. PDT today, October 30, 2012. Details for the call are listed in the release.

Global leader in high-quality family entertainment agrees to acquire world-renowned Lucasfilm Ltd, including legendary STAR WARS franchise.

Acquisition continues Disney’s strategic focus on creating and monetizing the world’s best branded content, innovative technology and global growth to drive long-term shareholder value.

Lucasfilm to join company’s global portfolio of world class brands including Disney, ESPN, Pixar, Marvel and ABC.

STAR WARS: EPISODE 7 feature film targeted for release in 2015.

Burbank, CA and San Francisco, CA, October 30, 2012 – Continuing its strategy of delivering exceptional creative content to audiences around the world, The Walt Disney Company (NYSE: DIS) has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm Ltd. in a stock and cash transaction. Lucasfilm is 100% owned by Lucasfilm Chairman and Founder, George Lucas.

Under the terms of the agreement and based on the closing price of Disney stock on October 26, 2012, the transaction value is $4.05 billion, with Disney paying approximately half of the consideration in cash and issuing approximately 40 million shares at closing. The final consideration will be subject to customary post-closing balance sheet adjustments.

“Lucasfilm reflects the extraordinary passion, vision, and storytelling of its founder, George Lucas,” said Robert A. Iger, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Disney Company. “This transaction combines a world-class portfolio of content including Star Wars, one of the greatest family entertainment franchises of all time, with Disney’s unique and unparalleled creativity across multiple platforms, businesses, and markets to generate sustained growth and drive significant long-term value.”

“For the past 35 years, one of my greatest pleasures has been to see Star Wars passed from one generation to the next,” said George Lucas, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Lucasfilm. “It’s now time for me to pass Star Wars on to a new generation of filmmakers. I’ve always believed that Star Wars could live beyond me, and I thought it was important to set up the transition during my lifetime. I’m confident that with Lucasfilm under the leadership of Kathleen Kennedy, and having a new home within the Disney organization, Star Wars will certainly live on and flourish for many generations to come. Disney’s reach and experience give Lucasfilm the opportunity to blaze new trails in film, television, interactive media, theme parks, live entertainment, and consumer products.”

Under the deal, Disney will acquire ownership of Lucasfilm, a leader in entertainment, innovation and technology, including its massively popular and “evergreen” Star Wars franchise and its operating businesses in live action film production, consumer products, animation, visual effects, and audio post production. Disney will also acquire the substantial portfolio of cutting-edge entertainment technologies that have kept audiences enthralled for many years. Lucasfilm, headquartered in San Francisco, operates under the names Lucasfilm Ltd., LucasArts, Industrial Light & Magic, and Skywalker Sound, and the present intent is for Lucasfilm employees to remain in their current locations.

Kathleen Kennedy, current Co-Chairman of Lucasfilm, will become President of Lucasfilm, reporting to Walt Disney Studios Chairman Alan Horn. Additionally she will serve as the brand manager for Star Wars, working directly with Disney’s global lines of business to build, further integrate, and maximize the value of this global franchise. Ms. Kennedy will serve as executive producer on new Star Wars feature films, with George Lucas serving as creative consultant. Star Wars Episode 7 is targeted for release in 2015, with more feature films expected to continue the Star Wars saga and grow the franchise well into the future.

The acquisition combines two highly compatible family entertainment brands, and strengthens the long-standing beneficial relationship between them that already includes successful integration of Star Wars content into Disney theme parks in Anaheim, Orlando, Paris and Tokyo.

Driven by a tremendously talented creative team, Lucasfilm’s legendary Star Wars franchise has flourished for more than 35 years, and offers a virtually limitless universe of characters and stories to drive continued feature film releases and franchise growth over the long term. Star Wars resonates with consumers around the world and creates extensive opportunities for Disney to deliver the content across its diverse portfolio of businesses including movies, television, consumer products, games and theme parks.Star Wars feature films have earned a total of $4.4 billion in global box to date, and continued global demand has made Star Wars one of the world’s top product brands, and Lucasfilm a leading product licensor in the United States in 2011. The franchise provides a sustainable source of high quality, branded content with global appeal and is well suited for new business models including digital platforms, putting the acquisition in strong alignment with Disney’s strategic priorities for continued long-term growth.

The Lucasfilm acquisition follows Disney’s very successful acquisitions of Pixar and Marvel, which demonstrated the company’s unique ability to fully develop and expand the financial potential of high quality creative content with compelling characters and storytelling through the application of innovative technology and multiplatform distribution on a truly global basis to create maximum value. Adding Lucasfilm to Disney’s portfolio of world class brands significantly enhances the company’s ability to serve consumers with a broad variety of the world’s highest-quality content and to create additional long-term value for our shareholders.

The Boards of Directors of Disney and Lucasfilm have approved the transaction, which is subject to clearance under the Hart-Scott-Rodino Antitrust Improvements Act, certain non-United States merger control regulations, and other customary closing conditions. The agreement has been approved by the sole shareholder of Lucasfilm.

Note: Additional information and comments from Robert A. Iger, chairman and CEO, The Walt Disney Company, and Jay Rasulo, senior executive vice president and CFO, The Walt Disney Company, regarding Disney’s acquisition of Lucasfilm, are attached.

Investor Conference Call:

An investor conference call will take place at approximately 4:30 p.m. EDT / 1:30 p.m. PDT today, October 30, 2012. To listen to the Webcast, turn your browser to /investors/eventsor dial in domestically at (888) 771-4371 or internationally at (847) 585-4405. For both dial-in numbers, the participant pass code is 33674546.

The discussion will be available via replay on the Disney Investor Relations website through November 13, 2012 at 5:00 PM EST/2:00 PM PST.

About The Walt Disney Company

The Walt Disney Company, together with its subsidiaries and affiliates, is a leading diversified international family entertainment and media enterprise with five business segments: media networks, parks and resorts, studio entertainment, interactive media, and consumer products. Disney is a Dow 30 company with revenues of over $40 billion in its Fiscal Year 2011.

About Lucasfilm Ltd.

Founded by George Lucas in 1971, Lucasfilm is a privately held, fully-integrated entertainment company. In addition to its motion-picture and television production operations, the company’s global activities include Industrial Light & Magic and Skywalker Sound, serving the digital needs of the entertainment industry for visual-effects and audio post-production; LucasArts, a leading developer and publisher of interactive entertainment software worldwide; Lucas Licensing, which manages the global merchandising activities for Lucasfilm’s entertainment properties; Lucasfilm Animation; and Lucas Online creates Internet-based content for Lucasfilm’s entertainment properties and businesses. Additionally, Lucasfilm Singapore, produces digital animated content for film and television, as well as visual effects for feature films and multi-platform games. Lucasfilm Ltd. is headquartered in San Francisco, California.

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UPDATED:

Forward-Looking Statements:

Certain statements in this communication and the attachments may constitute “forward-looking statements” within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. Such statements relate to a variety of matters, including but not limited to: the operations of the businesses of Disney and Lucasfilm separately and as a combined entity; the timing and consummation of the proposed merger transaction; the expected benefits of the integration of the two companies; the combined company’s plans, objectives, expectations and intentions and other statements that are not historical fact. These statements are made on the basis of the current beliefs, expectations and assumptions of the management of Disney and Lucasfilm regarding future events and are subject to significant risks and uncertainty. Investors are cautioned not to place undue reliance on any such forward-looking statements, which speak only as of the date they are made. Neither Disney nor Lucasfilm undertakes any obligation to update or revise these statements, whether as a result of new information, future events or otherwise.

Actual results may differ materially from those expressed or implied. Such differences may result from a variety of factors, including but not limited to:

  • legal or regulatory proceedings or other matters that affect the timing or ability to complete the transactions as contemplated;
  • the risk that the businesses will not be integrated successfully;
  • the possibility of disruption from the merger making it more difficult to maintain business and operational relationships;
  • the possibility that the merger does not close, including but not limited to, due to the failure to satisfy the closing conditions;
  • any actions taken by either of the companies, including but not limited to, restructuring or strategic initiatives (including capital investments or asset acquisitions or dispositions);
  • developments beyond the companies’ control, including but not limited to: changes in domestic or global economic conditions, competitive conditions and consumer preferences; adverse weather conditions or natural disasters; health concerns; international, political or military developments; and technological developments.

Additional factors that may cause results to differ materially from those described in the forward-looking statements are set forth in the Annual Report on Form 10-K of Disney for the year ended October 1, 2011, under the heading “Item 1A—Risk Factors,” and in subsequent reports on Forms 10-Q and 8-K and other filings made with the SEC by Disney.

ROBERT A. IGER, CHAIRMAN AND CEO, THE WALT DISNEY COMPANY REMARKS FOR ANALYSTS REGARDING DISNEY’S ACQUISITION OF LUCASFILM LTD., AS PREPARED

As we just announced, The Walt Disney Company has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm and its world class portfolio of creative content – including the legendary Star Wars franchise – along with all of its operating businesses, including Industrial Light & Magic and Skywalker Sound.

George Lucas is a visionary, an innovator and an epic storyteller – and he’s built a company at the intersection of entertainment and technology to bring some of the world’s most unforgettable characters and stories to screens across the galaxy. He’s entertained, inspired, and defined filmmaking for almost four decades and we’re incredibly honored that he has entrusted the future of that legacy to Disney.

Disney has had a great relationship with George that goes back a long way – with Star Wars theme attractions in our parks in Anaheim, Orlando, Paris and Tokyo. This acquisition builds on that foundation and combines two of the strongest family entertainment brands in the world. It makes sense, not just because of our brand compatibility and previous success together, but because Disney respects and understands – better than just about anyone else – the importance of iconic characters and what it takes to protect and leverage them effectively to drive growth and create value.

Lucasfilm fits perfectly with Disney’s strategic priorities. It is a sustainable source of branded, high quality creative content with tremendous global appeal that will benefit all of Disney’s business units and is incredibly well suited for new business models, including digital platforms. Adding the Lucasfilm IP to our existing Disney, Pixar and Marvel IP clearly enhances our ability to serve consumers, strengthening our competitive position — and we are confident we can earn a return on invested capital well in excess of our cost of capital.

Star Wars in particular is a strong global brand, and one of the greatest family entertainment franchises of all time, with hundreds of millions of fans around the globe. Its universe of more than 17,000 characters inhabiting several thousand planets spanning 20,000 years offers infinite inspiration and opportunities – and we’re already moving forward with plans to continue the epic Star Wars saga.

The last Star Wars movie release was 2005’s Revenge of the Sith – and we believe there’s substantial pent up demand. In 2015, we’re planning to release Star Wars Episode 7 – the first feature film under the “Disney-Lucasfilm” brand. That will be followed by Episodes 8 and 9 – and our long term plan is to release a new Star Wars feature film every two to three years. We’re very happy that George Lucas will be creative consultant on our new Star Wars films and that Kathleen Kennedy, the current Co-Chair of Lucasfilm, will executive produce. George handpicked Kathy earlier this year to lead Lucasfilm into the future. She’ll join Disney as President of Lucasfilm, reporting into Walt Disney Studios Chairman Alan Horn and integrating and building the Star Wars franchise across our company.

Our successful acquisitions of Pixar and Marvel prove Disney’s unique ability to grow brands and expand high-quality creative content to its fullest franchise potential and maximum value.

We’ve leveraged Pixar’s terrific characters and stories into franchises across our company – from feature films to consumer products online games, major attractions in our theme parks, and more.

The 2006 Pixar acquisition delivered more than great Pixar content — it also delivered the means to energize and revitalize the creative engine at Walt Disney Animation – which was crucial to our long term success. Animation is the heart and soul of Disney and our successful creative resurgence will be on full display this weekend when Wreck-It-Ralphopens in theaters across the country.

Our acquisition of Marvel three years later combined Marvel’s strong global brand and world-renowned library of characters with Disney’s creative skills, unparalleled global portfolio of entertainment properties, and an integrated business structure that maximizes the value of creative content across multiple platforms and territories. Our first two Marvel films – Thor and Captain America grossed a total of more than $800 million at the box office. This year, Marvel’s The Avengers grossed more than $1.5 billion to become the world’s third highest grossing movie of all time – and an important and lucrative franchise for us.

We’re looking forward to a robust slate of new Marvel movies – starting with Iron Man 3and Thor: The Dark World next year, followed by Captain America: The Winter Soldier in 2014. And, as we announced previously, Joss Whedon is writing and directing Avengers 2and developing a Marvel-based series for ABC.

Pixar and Marvel both fit our criteria for strategic acquisitions – they add great IP that benefits multiple Disney businesses for years to come, and continue to create value well in excess of their purchase price. The acquisition of Lucasfilm is in keeping with this proven strategy for success and we expect it to create similar opportunity for Disney to drive long-term value for our shareholders.

We’re clearly excited about this move forward. We believe we can do great things with these amazing assets….we have a proven track record of maximizing the value of our strategic acquisitions…. and we’re poised to do the same with this one.

JAY RASULO, SENIOR EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT AND CFO, THE WALT DISNEY COMPANY REMARKS FOR ANALYSTS REGARDING DISNEY’S ACQUISITION OF LUCASFILM LTD., AS PREPARED

Lucasfilm, and more specifically the Star Wars franchise, fits perfectly within the Disney portfolio of intellectual properties and the strategic and financial implications of this acquisition are compelling. Our team has spent a tremendous amount of time evaluating this deal and we have concluded we are uniquely positioned to maximize the value of Lucasfilm’s IP in a manner that can generate substantial value for our shareholders above and beyond the purchase price.

In this transaction we will acquire rights to the Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises, a highly talented and expert team, Lucasfilm’s best-in-class post production businesses, Industrial Light and Magic and Skywalker Sound, and a suite of cutting edge entertainment technologies. Our valuation focused almost entirely on the financial potential of the Star Wars franchise, which we expect to provide us with a stream of storytelling opportunities for years to come delivered via all relevant platforms on a global basis.

There are a number of ways our company will derive value from Lucasfilm’s intellectual property—some of which can be realized immediately while others will accrue to us over time. George and his team have built Star Wars into one of the most successful and enduring family entertainment franchises in history, as well as one of the best selling licensed character merchandise brands in the U.S. and around the world. However, we believe there is great opportunity to further expand the consumer products business. Today, Star Wars is heavily skewed toward toys and North America. We see great opportunity domestically to extend the breadth and depth of the Star Wars franchise into other categories. We also plan to leverage Disney’s global consumer products organization to grow the Star Wars consumer products business internationally.

Let me note that in 2012 Lucasfilm’s consumer products business is expected to generate total licensing revenue that is comparable to the roughly $215 million in consumer products revenue Marvel generated in 2009, the year in which we announced our acquisition. With renewed film releases, and the support we can give the Star Warsproperty on our Disney-branded TV channels, we expect that business to grow substantially and profitably for many years to come.

We also expect to create significant value in the film business. We plan to release the first new Star Wars film in 2015, and then plan to release one film every two to three years. These films will be released and distributed as part of our target slate of 8-10 live-action films per year, and will augment Disney’s already strong creative pipeline for many years to come. Lucasfilm has not released a Star Wars film since Revenge of the Sith in 2005. However, adjusted for inflation, as well as growth in both international box office and 3D, we estimate the three most recent Star Wars films would have averaged about $1.5 billion in global box office in today’s dollars. This speaks to the franchise’s strength, global appeal and the great opportunity we have in the film business.

We also expect to utilize Star Wars in other businesses including Parks & Resorts, in games and in our television business. These initiatives were also considered in our valuation.

Under the terms of the agreement, Disney will buy Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion, consisting of approximately fifty percent cash and fifty percent in Disney stock. Based on Friday’s closing price of Disney stock, we expect to issue approximately 40 million Disney shares in this transaction. We continue to believe our shares are attractively priced at current levels and therefore, we currently intend to repurchase all of the shares issued within the next two years– and that’s in addition to what we planned to repurchase in the absence of the transaction.

Our valuation of Lucasfilm is roughly comparable to the value we placed on Marvel when we announced that acquisition in 2009. Our Lucasfilm valuation is almost entirely driven by the Star Wars franchise, so any success from other franchises would provide upside to our base case. I realize it may be a challenge for you to quantify our opportunity given the limited amount of publicly available information. But to give you some perspective on the size of the Lucasfilm business– in 2005, the year in which the most recent Star Wars film was released, Lucasfilm generated $550 million in operating income. We’ve taken a conservative approach in our valuation assumptions, including continued erosion of the home entertainment market, and we expect this acquisition to create value for our shareholders.

In terms of the impact on our financials, we expect the acquisition to be dilutive to our EPS by low single digit percentage points in fiscal 2013 and 2014 and become accretive to EPS in 2015.

Our capital allocation philosophy has been consistent since Bob took over as CEO. In addition to returning capital to shareholders, we have invested, both organically and through acquisitions, in high quality, branded content that can be seamlessly leveraged across our businesses. Our acquisition of Lucasfilm is entirely consistent with this strategy, and we’re incredibly excited by the prospect of building on Lucasfilm’s successful legacy to create significant value for our shareholders.

The ‘Tastic Is Officially Important: We’ve Been Counterfeited By The Chinese

The Chinese: "That's not a mouse. It's a cat with over-sized ears." (Not Kidding)

Today, The ‘Tastic reached the status of such big names as Microsoft, Luis Vuitton, Coach, Chanel, Rolex, Tag Heuer, Franck Mueller, Gucci, Disney, Pfizer, Nike, Vivendi, Adidas, Majestic, North Face, Adobe, Yamaha, Duracell, Eveready, American Standard (yes, these effers even make fake toilets), Gillette, Procter & Gamble, Chopard, Baby Phat, Sharpie, New Balance, Coach, Prada, Marc Jacobs, Monster Cable (although we can assure you that any fake of their products will be just as good as the real thing), etc.

Yes, Indeed. The 'Tastic is as Big as Fake Boner Pills.

We got half-assedly jacked by the Chinese!  As you’ll notice this post looks surprisingly like the one we wrote last Friday right down to our photo and caption.  These people apparently just can’t help themselves.

For more on the Chinese and their counterfeiting here’s our favorite story of all time about the fake Chinese Disneyland.

Summer Sci-Fi Alert! TNT’s Falling Skies Two Hour Premiere – Sunday, June 19th At 9:00 p.m.

FALLING SKIES opens in the chaotic aftermath of an alien attack that has left most of the world completely incapacitated. In the six months since the initial invasion, the few survivors have banded together outside major cities to begin the difficult task of fighting back. Each day is a test of survival as citizen soldiers work to protect the people in their care while also engaging in an insurgency campaign against the occupying alien force. 

At the center of the series is Tom Mason (Noah Wyle), a Boston history professor whose family has been torn apart. His wife was killed in the initial attack, and one of his three sons has been captured. Determined to get his son back and to ensure the safety of his other two sons, Tom must put his extensive knowledge of military history to the test as one of the leaders of the resistance movement known as the 2nd Mass, because of their location in Boston, Mass. They are constantly trying to gain intelligence about the aliens in order to one day outsmart and overtake them and hopefully rebuild their lives. 

Moon Bloodgood (Terminator Salvation) co-stars as Anne Glass, a pediatrician who works with the surviving children to help them cope with the traumatic upheaval in their lives. Will Patton (Armageddon, TNT’s Into the West) plays a fierce leader of the resistance, Weaver. The series also stars Drew Roy (Secretariat) as Hal, Tom’s oldest son and a growing fighter in the resistance movement; Maxim Knight (Brothers & Sisters) as Matt, Tom’s youngest son; Connor Jessup (The Saddle Club) as Ben, Tom’s son who was captured by aliens; and Seychelle Gabriel (Weeds) as Lourdes, an orphaned teenager who helps Anne in the group’s makeshift medical clinic. Colin Cunningham (Living in Your Car) is John Pope, the leader of an outlaw motorcycle gang and Sarah Carter (Shark) is Margaret, a wary survivor of Pope’s gang. 

FALLING SKIES focuses on the resilience of the survivors and their determination to maintain their humanity when all else has been destroyed. It is a tale of endurance, commitment and courage in which everyday people are called upon to become heroes. They may be outmatched, outnumbered and outgunned, but nothing can beat the human spirit. Most of all, the series is about the ties that bind people together in the most difficult of circumstances. 

The aliens in the series are mighty, mysterious and merciless. They are highly intelligent and use military-like tactics, which makes them an overwhelming force against the 2nd Mass. There are two types of aliens that the human survivors have named Skitters and Mechs. Combining live action and special visual effects, the Skitters have spider-like bodies and incredible strength and agility. The deadly, robotic Mechs stand upright and can shoot bullets from their arms. The aliens control captured children, like Tom’s son Ben, through bio-mechanical harnesses but have yet to reveal their ultimate plan for them. 

FALLING SKIES is executive-produced by Steven Spielberg, along with DreamWorks Television heads Justin Falvey and Darryl Frank, Graham Yost (Justified, The Pacific) and screenwriter Robert Rodat. Rodat, who earned an Oscar® nomination for his screenplay for Saving Private Ryan, wrote the pilot from an idea he co-conceived with Spielberg. Mark Verheiden (Heroes, Battlestar Galactica) and Greg Beeman (Heroes, Smallville) are co-executive producers. The pilot was directed by Carl Franklin (One False Move, Out of Time).  – TNT

Official Trailer:

Longer First Look Extended Trailer:


Steven Spielberg

So, here’s the question of the month:  How the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks did we miss this. Seriously, we’re genetically predisposed to have the first scoop on all new SciFi programming out there.  This is just embarrassing.  We only heard about Falling Skies yesterday when we saw the trailer on TNT and thought it was for a summer blockbuster that we didn’t know about.

That being said, this looks exceptionally well-done for basic cable with Dreamworks producing it and Steven Spielberg heavily involved with creating the aliens. Dare we say, it looks even better than Terra Nova and we think it has a better chance of staying on the air for a second season then TN as well because basically they’ve done everything right, so far, as far as production of Sci-Fi television is concerned.

  1. Yes... yes they do.

    It’s on Basic Cable and NOT on a Major Network. Better yet, it’s on TNT which overall in 2010 was the #4 cable Network on television and #2 for original non-niche scripted programming (for clarification, Disney and ESPN, #2 and #3, respectively, are niche networks) behind only USA.  The expectation for high audience numbers is dramatically lower on basic cable than it is on major network which is a luxury that TN doesn’t have on FOX and to make matters worse for TN, over the past decade, Sci-Fi is DEAD on Network television for this generation of audiences and has been an abysmal failure every time it’s been attempted and this dovetails into the next advantage for renewal FS has…

  2. $$$$ Because FS is on basic cable, the production costs will be dramatically lower than any show on a major network and considering that TN is the most expensive show in the history of television, we can only imagine that the production costs of FS is infinitesimal in comparison to TN.  Again, this goes back to the ratings expectations that TNT will have for  FS as opposed to what FOX will have for TN. One of the biggest factors a show has to overcome is production costs.  When  24 was canceled last year, even though the ratings were continuing to drop they weren’t particularly awful.  The problem was (besides the fact that the producers admitted that the well had run dry) that the show was just so damned expensive to produce that they couldn’t justify renewing it.  A show has to get high enough ratings in order to justify high ad rates in order to justify high production costs. It’s that simple.  Considering what we said about the recent history of Sci-Fi on network, the advantage again goes to FS.
  3. The real reason why so many Sci-Fi shows are produced in Canada

    “O, Canada, Our Home and Native Land!” As soon as we saw the trailers for FS, the first thing we thought was, “Oh, this has to be being produced in Canada,” and as we confirmed with iMDB, it sure as heck is (Hamilton, Ontario to be precise).   It’s well-known that the key to keeping production costs down dramatically with Sci-Fi television is to film in Canada. Don’t believe us? Take a look at this list of Sci-Fi shows filmed in Canada over the last two decades.  Where is TN being produced? In ridiculously cost-prohibitive Australia which is just adding to the enormous price-tag of that show. Advantage, FS.

  4. Shorter Schedule Beyond the obvious fact that producing more than twice as many episodes per season (22 for TN as opposed to 10 for FS) will cost twice as much for FOX, there’s also a much bigger issue and that is that a 22 episode season, by its nature, will air over the course of an entire television season, in this case (allegedly) 2011 – 2012.  This means long hiatuses and reruns for the show which has proven time and time again to be catastrophic for Sci-Fi and genre which is exactly why they eventually stopped doing it with 24, Lost, and Alias to name a few, instead, choosing to air their entire seasons as mid-season replacements without anything more than the random one week break between new episodes.  Today’s audiences have ZERO patience for serials to begin with, nevertheless Sci-Fi serials,  and they will not tolerate shows that leave them hanging for six weeks to several months at a time.  FS will air new episodes continuously for ten weeks and it’s airing in the middle of summer with no competition from the major networks which is a strategy that continues to be proven successful for basic cable networks.

Finally, 22 episodes of Sci-Fi is just too much for major network television (and no, even though The CW is a major network, they don’t count for the purpose of this discussion for obvious reasons.).  Today’s major network audiences just will not hang in there for 22 episodes of Sci-Fi any more.  Now, we love Fringe and we’re certainly thrilled it got picked up for a fourth season but that is an anomaly and the audience numbers haven’t been particularly great for it which is why it got moved from the middle of the week to Friday to begin with.  The standard 10 – 13 episode seasons for original programming on basic cable works just fine for Sci-Fi. Advantage, FS.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

So why are we so excited about FS? Well, first, the trailers look fantastic and yes, we know it’s not a particularly original concept stealing aspects from The Terminator, Battlestar Galactica, V,  The Road, Independence Day and War of the Worlds, to name a few (not to mention that the whole “stealing children and technologically altering them” concept is eerily similar to the Borg in Star Trek) but heck, we like that kind of Sci-Fi because it invariably promises us great action and character development.  We also don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Noah Wyle looks like he was separated at birth from Terminator: Salvation star and leader of the resistance Christian Bale (John Connor).

Along with the great action, though, is that shows like this invariably raise thought-provoking philosophical questions about humanity, often without the audience realizing it until after it’s happened. This is one of the marks of great Sci-Fi storytelling which this particular brand of Sci-Fi excels at and we really expect nothing less considering the heavy hitters that are on board for this and their experience and success they bring to this in the writing and production department (see the last paragraph of the show description at the top).

Also, just to preempt the inevitable cries of “it’s not an original concept” from the peanut gallery (that have already begun), we’ve got news for you:  there are no original concepts in Sci-Fi anymore. Every concept you can think of has been thought up by someone else in this genre and been done already.  It’s the execution of concept that counts and that’s what will be the deciding factor in FS‘s success or failure.

Check out the official Falling Skies webpage, here.

EXCLUSIVE ADVANCE REVIEW! ‘No Ordinary Family’ (ABC – Tuesdays, 8:00 p.m., Series Premiere September 28, 2010)

ABC Studios brings to life “The Incredibles”, the story of the Powells, an every day American family, who are too busy to spend time together. So they decide to take a trip as family as a way to reconnect, but on the way, their plane crashes. Now there’re back to their normal lives, but something seems to be happening to each one of them… they have superpowers. – ABC

The Preview (Posted on 9/15/2010):

First, let’s give credit to ABC for not only acknowledging right off-the-bat the most obvious criticism of this show – that being that it looks like Disney-Pixar’s The Incredibles – but outright OWNING it.  That’s the way to beat them at their own game!  And why wouldn’t Disney try to capitalize on their property in a prime time, live-action drama (for those of you that are unaware, Disney owns ABC)? Screw the nay-sayers, this show looks like a lot of fun and is my choice for sleeper hit of the season.  The concept is great and it’s not just a show for the family but it’s a show focused on the family as much as it is on their super powers.  Casting always tells me a lot about a show and No Ordinary Family is no different.  You’ve got Michael Chiklis as the dad (The Shield), Julie Benz as the mom (Dexter), Romany Malco (The 40 Year-Old Virgin) as the best friend and sidekick and lo and behold, Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) who appears to be our Lex Luthor-type.  I don’t care if I sound like a 10 year-old fanboy, I can’t wait to watch No Ordinary Family and apparently based on the amount of merchandising I saw over at the official site, ABC is pretty confident that they have a hit on their hands as well.

The Review:

8 out of 10

Last night, I was just about to do a review for the new HBO hit, Boardwalk Empire when Mrs. Tastic casually asked me when No Ordinary Family was premiering and I told her September 28th. Needless to say, I was very curious about her interest because she doesn’t like any of the shows that I do so I asked her why she was asking. She then informs me that she received an email offering her the chance to see an exclusive advanced screening of NOF. At this point I began pulling my hair out and I said, “… and you’re just telling me now???” She then said, “Well, what does it matter if it’s going to be on next week, anyway?”

This is when I discovered that apparently my wife is under the impression that I blog about miniature dachshunds.

To make matters worse, it turned out that she received the opportunity for the advance screening on September 14th and it was due to expire 90 minutes from when I learned about it.

AAAAARGH!!! (That was in celebration of International Talk Like a Pirate Day that was also on September 19th.)

Let’s begin, shall we?

Well, here’s the skinny: NOF is EXACTLY as advertised. Now, I know I said that about The CW’s Nikita, but it’s even more so in this case, and in fact a little to its detriment. I’m not saying that it’s not a good show (because, it really is) but that five-minute extended trailer literally gives away the majority of the pilot!

Bad move, ABC, because you took a lot of the fun out of the pilot episode. On the upside, though NOF is EXACTLY as advertised! Seriously, my preview is almost completely spot-on with its peremptory analysis.

As I noted last week, ABC does not hide from the premise of the live-action ‘Incredibles,’ it in fact they embrace it. Oh, and by the way, as an aside, the reason that the fancy wife got the invite for the advance screening to begin with: she’s registered at Disney.com (am I a TV prophet or what?).  So, basically, yeah, you’ve got a live-action ‘Incredibles’ but with a bit more of an adult theme.

I have to admit, I think it’s a little borderline for the 8:00 p.m. time slot.  9:00 p.m. is probably a little more appropriate considering the violence and more adult themes than I would have expected.  For example, The Powells aren’t just losing touch with each other… they’re REALLY dysfunctional and they are a lot of heavy emotional issues. One of the things I found particularly odd was that Jim Powell (Chiklis) seems OK with the concept of his 16 year-old daughter having sex with her boyfriend… but only if she’s ready. Yeah, that whole sub-plot was particularly awkward for me as a father and thank God the boyfriend was gone halfway through the pilot (yeah, I know that’s a spoiler… don’t worry, he won’t be missed).

So, yes there’s some pretty heavy themes that were kind of unexpected and as you would expect there is some moderate to heavy violence for prime-time television. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not violent like Heroes and in reality I am very thankful that it is nothing like Heroes whatsoever. Nothing against Heroes, which I followed faithfully for three and a half seasons, but in retrospect Heroes was a VERY dark show and I’m very happy that this approach to super heroes is a lot more light-hearted, however, I would definitely not recommend this show for children under twelve or so. Like with anything else, your mileage may vary depending on your kid.

Besides everything that I already knew about this show going into it, there were two things that I picked up on that I really liked. The most obvious was the big twist at the end of the episode that made up for the fact that most of the pilot was given away in the aforementioned five-minute teaser (***grumble, grumble***) and the second thing that was just brilliant was the music. If you pay attention, you’ll notice it’s classic super hero music.  Just think of the scores from the Richard Donner Superman films by John Williams and the Ghostbusters score by Elmer Bernstein.  It’s a very nice and subtle nod to the genre.

NOF is a very good show and I think it’s going to develop a very strong following. The premise is solid and the cast is fantastic and the characters are very well-conceived (although the kids are a little melodramatic my taste) and it has all the comic-booky goodness you can ask for.

Fall 2010 TV Preview – Tuesdays

Part Two of the Seven Six part series.

Tuesday

8:00 p.m.

ABC:     No Ordinary Family – September 28, 2010 (NEW SERIES!) (Full Review Here!)

ABC Studios brings to life “The Incredibles”, the story of the Powells, an every day american family, who are too busy to spend time together. So they decide to take a trip as family as a way to reconnect, but on the way, their plane crashes. Now there’re back to their normal lives, but something seems to be happening to each one of them… they have superpowers. – ABC

Shawn: First, let’s give credit to ABC for not only acknowledging right off-the-bat the most obvious criticism of this show – that being that it looks like Disney-Pixar’s The Incredibles – but outright OWNING it.  That’s the way to beat them at their own game!  And why wouldn’t Disney try to capitalize on their property in a prime time, live-action drama (for those of you that are unaware, Disney owns ABC)? Screw the nay-sayers, this show looks like a lot of fun and is my choice for sleeper hit of the season.  The concept is great and it’s not just a show for the family but it’s a show focused on the family as much as it is on their super powers.  Casting always tells me a lot about a show and No Ordinary Family is no different.  You’ve got Michael Chiklis as the dad (The Shield), Julie Benz as the mom (Dexter), Romany Malco (The 40 Year-Old Virgin) as the best friend and sidekick and lo and behold, Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) who appears to be our Lex Luthor-type.  I don’t care if I sound like a 10 year-old fanboy, I can’t wait to watch No Ordinary Family and apparently based on the amount of merchandising I saw over at the official site, ABC is pretty confident that they have a hit on their hands as well.

CBS:     NCIS – September 21, 2010

Shawn: NCIS enters its eighth season and is still one of the most watched shows on television and the highest rated drama.  I’ve been there from the beginning since it was a spinoff of J.A.G. and the show has gotten increasingly better each season and I don’t see any signs of it jumping the shark any time soon.  At first glance, NCIS would appear to be your standard fare, formulaic cop show that I regularly rail against and during the first couple of seasons, that’s exactly what it was.  But, the cast and the characters were compelling enough to keep me around until season 4 when it really came into its own with multi-episode, cloak and dagger story arcs and complex character development.  You simply can’t go wrong with NCIS.

(Sorry, but no video on this one.  I was completely unable to find any trailers for season 8 on YouTube or anywhere else)

FOX:     Glee – September 21, 2010

Shawn: Glee is great.  Everyone should be watching this.  It is funnier than any other sitcom on TV with the exception of Modern Family, has wonderfully heartwarming drama and the musical numbers are creative and fantastic.  I challenge you not become moved during the musical numbers on Glee.

9:00 p.m.

CBS:     NCIS Los Angeles* – September 21, 2010

Shawn: The only reason I’m putting NCIS Los Angeles (now in its second season) in this preview is to clarify why I recommend NCIS but not its spinoff.  Simply put: I just don’t like it.  I was very excited last year about the possibility of an NCIS spinoff but I only lasted six episodes into the first season.  The show makes no sense at all.  The premise is unbelieveable, the plotlines are boring and formulaic, and the characters are clichéd and have absolutely zero chemistry.  I like Chris O’Donnell a lot.  He’s very talented and I appreciate the fact that he dropped out of the business to raise a family and be a father to his 103 children.  There’s nothing more noble than being a father and a husband.  Unfortunately, his talents are being wasted on this safe, simplistic and dry show.  On principle, I don’t recommend this show, but I may watch the season premiere just to see if they’ve fixed any of the mess that is NCIS Los Angeles.  I’m always willing to give a show a season to work out the bugs and if they do, I’ll report back with the good news.

(Again, no trailer for this show either… blame CBS)

FOX:     Raising Hope – September 21, 2010 (NEW SERIES!)

Raising Hope is a new single-camera family comedy from Emmy Award winner Greg Garcia that follows the Chance family as they find themselves adding an unexpected new member into their household. At 23 years old, JIMMY CHANCE (Lucas Neff) is going nowhere in life. He skims pools for a living, parties every night and still lives at home with his family, including his MAW MAW (Cloris Leachman); his mother, VIRGINIA (Martha Plimpton) and his father, BURT (Garret Dillahunt). Jimmy’s life takes a drastic turn when a chance romantic encounter with LUCY (guest star Bijou Phillips) goes awry once he discovers she is a wanted felon. Months later, when Jimmy pays a visit to the local prison, he learns Lucy is pregnant with their baby, and after she gives birth, he is charged with raising their daughter. – FOX

Shawn: I didn’t think it was possible but Rasing Hope has given me whole new reason to hate sitcoms.  You see, what’s pissed me off thoroughly is the lie perpetuated on show’s Official Page that I posted above.  It’s leaving out a crucial detail and the omission is by design.  The little baby’s mother, isn’t just a wanted felon, she’s a serial killer and her big joke in the trailer is that they would never execute a mother of a seven month-old baby.  Then, they cut to a scene with Jimmy sitting on the other side of the glass with the baby on his lap watching her get electrocuted and about halfway through the process he covers the baby’s eyes.  I’m sorry, and you can call me old-fashioned, but a baby being separated from its mother and then forced to watch her get executed in an electric chair is not exactly what I would call charming or endearing.  FOX has been doing a very good job of hiding that little piece of information on their website and their regular TV spots for this show.  Gee, I wonder why?  What I saw is not nearly as bad as the fact that they are trying to hide it.

Beyond, that, of course this show is as stupid, clichéd and as recycled as any other sitcom.  Seriously, though, the rule of thumb for FOX should be to assume all of their sitcoms are going to suck.  It’s just a question of to what degree of suckitude (© 2010, TV-Tastic).  Raising Hope is certainly no different from any other FOX sitcom and they brag about why it sucks.  The claim to fame of this show is that Greg Garcia created it and of course he was the award-winning writer who came up with My Name is Earl.  What no one wants to admit about My Name is Earl is that it wasn’t funny after the first season and to be honest, the novelty wore off after the first 10 episodes.  And of course, this show isn’t even much different from Earl with the portrayal of the stupid, white-trash and downright depressing family.  Again, recycled crap.  It’s seems like a shame too because the main cast includes Cloris Leachman, Martha Plympton and they FINALLY got a lead role for one of my favorite character actors of all time, Darren Gillahunt (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Deadwood), an actor that is so talented that he played TWO different characters on Deadwood and no one noticed it was the same guy.  So, yeah. we’ll be passing on this.  Oh and if you watch this video, you’ll the scene in question.

Syfy:     Stargate: Universe

The latest series for the Stargate franchise has Dr. Nicholas Rush (Robert Carlyle) as part of a group that is transported to Destiny, a self-guided spaceship used to place stargates around the universe.

Shawn: SGU starts its second season and I am loathed to admit it, but I like this show and I really shouldn’t.  It is a complete rip-off of Star Trek: Voyager and Battlestar Galactica with the quest to get home and the incessant, holy-crap-we’re all-going-to-die-by-the-end-of-the-episode-but-somehow-we-are-miraculously-saved-at-the-last-minute crisis of the week, but still, somehow, it manages to work.  The characters are OK and are becoming more developed every episode and the special effects and action do work well.  SGU also succeeds because you don’t get the feeling that you have to know the entire Stargate Anthology in order to get the show.  If you like space-based Sci-Fi, this show is definitely for you, if it’s not your thing, you can pass on this and your life won’t be any less fulfilled.

9:30

FOX:     Running Wilde – September 21, 2010 (NEW SERIES!)

Will Arnett stars as a Beverly Hills jackass who ends up falling in love with Emmy Kadubic (played by Keri Russell), a charitable tree hugger, who hates his lifestyle and moral code.

Shawn:     “What… the… fudge… was that?”  You see, those are the words that came to mine when I watched the extended trailer for this show, except for the fact that just like Ralphie from a Christmas Story I didn’t use the word fudge.  Unlike Ralphie, however, I didn’t have a bar of Palmolive handy to cleanse my soul from what I had just seen.  Obviously, the geniuses at television development at FOX are the same people in charge of player development for the New York Mets.  I have it on good authority that the roundtable discussion for filling the 9:30 hole on FOX went something like this:

Writer 1:     OK, we want to go with something recycled along the lines of The Nanny and Dharma & Greg  and every couple-based sitcom from the last twenty years that involves two people from extremely different worlds.

Writer 2:     Well, I brought a hat full of a bunch of paper slips with different subjects on them.  Let’s shake it up and pull out the first ten and apply it to your lame-o premise.

Writer 3:     Um… I brought pot.

OK, so I completely made that up, but seriously, after watching the trailer below, does it not seem like that’s exactly how they came up with this show?  It’s typical FOX suckitude for sit-coms.  Running Wilde is a perfect bookend to Raising Hope.  Both these shows look awful individually but together they qualify for “making-me-puke-in-my-mouth” status.  But, fear not.  TV-Tastic predicts that both of these shows will be cancelled before Thanksgiving replaced with re-runs of Bones or House.

10:00 p.m.

ABC:     Detroit 1-8-7 – September 21, 2010 (NEW SERIES!)

In this ABC crime drama project, a fictional documentary filmmaking crew goes inside Detroit’s homicide division. – ABC

Shawn: “Once in a generation, a cop show comes along that re-writes the rules.”

That is seriously said in the voice-over at the beginning of this trailer.  It may be true, but that show was The Shield, not Detroit 1-8-7 (which sounds more like a the title of an N.W.A. album than it does a dramatic television series).  Sorry, but this show re-writes nothing.  It’s the epitome of why I don’t watch formulaic cop shows anymore.  It’s all the same thing but this one is trying to be clever by combining the rawness and the grittiness of The Wire and to an extent Homicide: Life on the Street and the pseudo-documentary style of… The Office.  That’s right, The Office.  The difference is that The Office actually is consistently shot like a documentary.  The style of this show is all over the place.  I’m sorry, but if you want to convince us that the show is being shot by a documentary camera crew, your shots cannot include shots only possible if filmed while a cameraman is sitting on the hood of a moving car (that’s in the trailer).

Beyond, that, though Detroit 1-8-7 doesn’t look awful, it just looks ordinary and typical.  I’ve seen this cop show before, and I can tell I’m not alone in thinking this way.

This is from 1-8-7’s Official Page:

“The detectives are well-developed and easy to follow… There are relationships worth investing in.”

– Mekeisha Madden Toby, Detroit News

“…promises to be a mighty fine ride…smartly cast urban crime drama’s gutsy, gritty allure.”

– Matt Roush, TV Guide

First, notice the ellipses that permeate both quotes like bullet-holes, indicating that ABC cut a lot out.  Second, knowing that, this is really the best ABC could come up with to promote critical acclaim for the show?  Seriously, that Matt Roush quote is just embarrassing, but honestly, I really don’t expect much from him anymore.  I think he just has too much on his plate so unless he really likes something a lot, he just whips out the TV reviewer’s thesaurus and gives us “mighty fine ride,” “smartly cast (which is kind of like sensible shoes),” “gutsy” and “gritty.”  As far as Makeisha Madden Toby is concerned, I think she got the memo that if you write for a Detroit Newspaper and live in L.A., it’s in your better interest to be pleasant when discussing a drama set in the city you don’t live in but is responsible for your paychecks.  I’m sorry, but, “The detectives are well-developed and easy to follow…” and “There are relationships worth investing in,” isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement.

I’m sorry but there’s just too much good TV this Fall for me to waste my time with this.  I may catch the pilot or an occasional episode, but this isn’t appointment television by an 8-mile.

NEXT: Wednesdays